Kristina's Journey to Life

The other day I saw a dime on the floor. It reminded me of back in the day when I believed money, specifically dimes, were a sign from heaven ... someone on the other side was looking out for me. This was "confirmed" in various psychic readings I had. The next day, I saw another random dime on the floor and I had a little laugh to myself. Because the same, subtle thought emerged of, "is this a sign?" "is someone looking out for me?" "is there Money in my future ?" lol I do not actively participate in such thinking anymore because, well, what's the point? From my perspective, there are more important things for everyone, alive or dead, to be doing rather than making sure a little ol' dime is in my reality as a sign of something good to come. It's wishful thinking and keeps us locked in beliefs that have no real value to our lives or this world. One could argue it's harmless, but one could also argue it's harmful becaus

In this 30 Day Journey of Self-Forgiveness , I in a way anticipated more and more stability emerge within myself - expected it actually. Thinking it would be of such support in grounding myself, and clearing myself. What I have and am experiencing here on Day 20 is actually quite different than what I expected, yet equally as supportive. There is a lot of saddness emerging within me... and a few moments of multiple streams of tears releasing from my eyes. And after these few moments of crying, a quiet calm within me. And what I can see is a letting go of many year of suppressed emotions. I have always been a stuff it down, run a way, and ignore it kind-of-girl. If things were too tough or challenging, if I was uncomfortable or in an unfamiliar place, if I didn't like something or it didn't 'feel right', I would simply resist it, or fight it, or completely disregard it. And so what I have here is an unleashing of what I've caged within me for so long... I mean s

I have found this journey of reasserting my direction with blogging, and specifically this 30 days of self-forgiveness to be in a way seamless and effortless. Of course, practically speaking, it's not. I must sit down daily and write out the points, correct any mistakes, pick out art, add the tags and share it online. There is physical effort involved, however, my experience within it seems much more effortless than all the times I've tried before. And to me, that is something to consider... Years and years of inconsistency, starting and stopping, trying and giving up has been the journey for me to get to where I am now where I am very much enjoying this process of sharing . And I often time forget the real-time effort it takes to 'get the point'. Not saying I'm perfect within this. What I'm saying is the years of work I've put in, whether I was satisfied or not, created an outcome where eventually I did get to a point of satisfaction. As much as I thoug

I listened to an old recording from Eqafe , first published in 2008, and had a moment of a breakdown/breakthrough. I was listening to a being share about how standing in the interdimensional/heaven existence, and there being nothing and no one there... only self. You, alone with you. At this moment I began to cry because I realized the amount of separation I have allowed myself to participate with - all the anger and resentments and blame and criticism I've been projecting outward and onto others for years.... in this moment I realized it was me, equal and one. There is, in fact, no separation, we are not separate... we are whole. We are Equal. We are One. And in the realization of this, I broke down because I've seen the extent of my hate and anger towards all as myself. How much I pushed others as myself away, how I much I saw others as myself different or in eyes of judgments. How much I neglected to see the equality in all of us. This being sharing their experience o

I've heard of a couple people who, when looking at others, saw only within them the utmost potential  of who they are. My experience with these specific people was fear they saw only the worst of me. I can't image what it's like to look at another being and see nothing but their most true, purest expression. I have only seen my own mind. What my fear of these people seeing only the worst in me reveals is a) I've only seen the worst in me and b) I see only the worst in others. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself in such a way where I cannot even imagine what it's like to look at another and see only their utmost potential, their beingness, the most real, self-honest expression of who they are I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to devolve myself to the point where I see nothing good in another, I see only limitation, excuses, manipulation, neglect, abuse, greed, self-interest, jealousy, lust, desire, o

I am in a position where I sometimes must delegate tasks and I see within me quite a fear of doing this, especially with certain people... behind the fear is an idea that the person receiving my request will react, become upset and lash out at me. Also behind this fear is a definition I've given to someone in such a position of delegating tasks, wherein I've defined it a certain way, as a negative, and so I then fear others seeing me in that exact same way if I were to be in a delegating position. Both points are accepted and allowed constructs of my mind... and both points can be disengaged, cleared out, and corrected. Let's go! I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be a delegator I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too less of myself to be in a position of delegating tasks and responsibilities to others I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ask someone to do something because

A moment of seeing myself push down reactions that seem too much to bear, and the realization that this doesn't work. What to do with these internal conflicts? Suppress, ignore, run from? Or face, understand, direct and Change? We can't keep hiding from ourselves... and there something more constructive we can do with all these frustrations. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress reaction I think are too much to deal with I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stuff down emotions I don't know how to process I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stiffened and hardened by stuffing down emotions I think I can't or don't want to deal with or process I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it's easier to 'forget about it' then deal with emotions towards things in my life that are challenging I forgive myself that I have accepted a

A point of being offered opportunities for growth, expansion, and greater responsibility and I cower, doubt myself, and hesitate. It's like I've been programmed to accept limitation and to be comfortable in being safe and secure in what I know I can already do, and not going beyond what I think my limits are. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist expanding skills within myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to take on greater responsibility and development in my area of work, where when given opportunities, I fear my ability to perform and in a way, resist any type of promotion or evolution I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm not good enough to perform at a level I see being offered to me, where I am insecure in my ability to learn or to grow in areas that others want from me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for mediocri