This is a continuation of a series I am currently walking:
181: The Birth of a Bully
182: The Birth of a Bully part 2
183: The Bully Character in All it's Dimensions: Memory #1
184: Bonding over Names and Shared Interests
Defining two 'other' girls in my class as 'cool'
Defining the 'cool' girls as superior to me and Cristina
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define two girls in my class as 'cool' and within this attach superiority to them as being 'cool' in seeing them more then me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being 'cool' as being superior and better than others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from girls in my class in seeing them as 'superior' to me as within the definition of being 'cool'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the validity of such a definition of someone being 'cool' within superiority, as when I look I cannot see what it was about them that was so 'cool/superior' but just accepted it as the way it was and so within this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my perceptions of others without really investigating where I am coming from in defining someone as cool or superior, as to get to know who I am and what I see as what defines my reality, and finding out if it is real or not - if it is fact made of any substance or just a reaction through comparisons within my mind, as a way to separate myself from others
When and as I see myself defining others as cool and superior as separating myself from them in not seeing/standing as equals as substance - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the common sense of questioning myself and my perception of others to get to know who I am within it, whether i am seeing for real, or through my ego that attempts to interpret and define physical reality as people according a self created guiding system that determines some to be superior to others, as I see/realize/understand that to see another as superior to me is to separate myself from them through comparisons and is in fact a judgment on myself and so I commit myself to stop judging myself and others i nhow I define as some as superior and to instead investigate and question what i accept within me in how i define others as 'cool' or superior to see what is real within this seeing - whether it is in fact for real, or just my minds ways of attempting to define and limiting myself within an already set way of being/thinking without any physical reality practical consideration and so I commit myself to stop limiting myself within how I see others and instead investigate who I am within what I see as others to get to know myself, to get to know what is real and what is ego as the mind that compare and separate and not live as equality and oneness as what is actually here as the physical reality substance
Defining me and Cristina as inferior to the two other girls in our class
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and Cristina as inferior through and as comparing ourselves to two girls in my class in which I defined as superior and so in relation to them, accepted, allowed and defined us as inferior, as less then, not realizing or seeing that that was not and is not a valuable assessment as there is no substance to validate such a thought, and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to, within thoughts as thinking - exist as separation in creating polarity as myself and others wherein I define myself and others as less then those that I define as superior and to within this, create a relationship within/as myself that I do not like and thus lead to actions which are not best for all as I see/realize/understand that to place myself as inferior to another, I will always attempt to be superior and within this always act out of self interest in attempting to make myself more - not realizing I was the one that made myself 'less'
When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to define myself as inferior to another or another as inferior to others, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to physical reality as substance, as who I am as my physical body and take a real look at what I am doing in such a moment, and investigate where I am separating myself from myself as life - in existing as thoughts in my mind as comparisons, creating polarity and thus constructing a space in which I can move from as self interest as I see/realize/understand that to accept myself as less then, I will forever attempt and try to be become more, without consideration of what harm I might do, as accepting inferiority allows one to desire more, in fear of the inFEARiority that is being accepted and thus I commit myself to stop the abuse on myself and others through accepting comparisons that allow for some to be superior or inferior to others and instead see and realize that I create within me in such an acceptance, a starting point of FEAR and thus move into desire to become more than that which I defined as myself to begin with
To be continued...
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