This is a continuation of a series I am currently walking:
181: The Birth of a Bully
182: The Birth of a Bully part 2
183: The Bully Character in All it's Dimensions: Memory #1
In yesterday's blog, I laid out for myself all the dimensions within myself that I found in the memories I wrote out - in investigating myself in an experience/reaction I had and have had throughout my life.
So here I will go into self forgiveness as releasing myself from the past - from this memory where I acted in a way that was not self honest, was not best for all as it was purely based within my own self interest and did not see/consider how this has a consequence in/as this life for myself and others.
"Bonding with my friend because we 'share' the same name - defining that as something 'special'"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine a 'bond' or friendship with another according to their name and to within this, if their name is the same as mine, to define this as something 'special' and thus within this feel special about the other person as connecting a value to the person according to their name, and also to me where I see that we are 'special' for having the same name and so within this accepting our friendship to be of value and worth based on our names and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and another according to our name - limiting me and another as who we are according to just a name and within this, separating myself and another from others in seeing us as 'special' for having a special name and even within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define our friendship as special because of our shared names, instead of realizing that all the while this point only reveal the ego within self - that require similarities and ways to feed the desire to be special within this world and not realizing how limited it is to see myself or another by just a name
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach myself to another as the definition I give to them according to their name, in placing value in them according to their name and thus feel 'bonded' with them, not realizing this is all made up/created in my mind and thus not an actual relationship made of substance, but only as according to how I see another and myself, limited by the definition of having the same name
When and as I see myself defining myself or another according to their name within seeing myself or them as special and within this, defining another having the same name as me, defining this as something 'special' and enough to determine how I see/view a relationship with them - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to myself here, and out of the mind as I see/realize/understand that within the mind is where I seek ways to define myself according to our I perceptions of others and my relationships with them, such as defining having the same name as another is something 'special' and thus value it more then others as a way to feed my ego and desire to be special in this word and so I commit myself to realize the ego's pursuit to find specialness within self definitions according to a limited perspective of what it means to have a same name as another and so I commit myself to stop limiting myself and my relationships to be within how I define a name or having the same name as another and even I commit myself to STOP defining myself and other according to their name, and simply seem names for what they are, of practical use in physical reality and thus I commit myself to stop adding value and worth to people and their names and thus allow myself to get to know people for real and find out if a relationship with them is what is in fact best for all, and not according to how I define a relationship to be according to some ideas I have about my name and another's name
"Defining my friendship with Cristina as 'special' because of our common interests of dance":
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my friendship/relationship with Cristina to be of something 'special' because we both had shared the interest of dance, as we both took dance classes and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place value on the activities I do and a friend does as a way to define myself and them as 'special' - as being something that we share in common, yet within this, cast judgment on those that I do not share something in common with and so within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that to like someone simply because they share a commonality with me such as the enjoyment of dance - does not make them or me or 'our relationship' special and that I can in fact find commonalities with all people as we are all human beings subject to this same world/reality, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define similar interests I have in another as something 'special' and base this within the worth and value of creating a friendship with, instead of realizing that this worth and value I am adding to the friendship according to how I define myself and them as the commonalities we share, is only in separation of what actually is of substance, just as being two human physical beings in this world, equal as the substance from which we are made of and that I share this similarity and commonality with ALL that is here and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define some people as more or less according to our shared interests instead of standing equal with all that is here in the realization that we are ALL in fact equal and thus do not require an extra definition of worth or value, as that only cause one not to see where the true worth and value is and that is in/as Life as who we really are
When and as I see myself defining myself and another and our relationship as something 'special' within defining the fact that we have shared interests, and think and believe that because of this - we have a special relationship - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to who I am as a physical, breathing being that is equal to all other physical breathing beings and to within this see/realize/understand that to see a relationship with another as something 'more' then the equality we are as physical life, is to create separation when it is not necessary to sustain a relationship and only in fact serve self interest as self definitions and seeing ourselves and our relationships as something separate from other's and other relationships and so I commit myself to see all relationships as equal in value, as being an interaction of physical beings, here in physical reality and so commit myself to stop adding value and worth separate form me here as to define me and another according to our shared interest and to within this define us as special and our relationship as special - instead, I commit myself to realize the shared interest of all which would be to be able to live life here, freely and unconditionally as what is best for all
To be continued...
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