31 May 2013

186: Seeing Equality Through Polarity & Dumping Life for Illusion

This is a continuation of a series I am currently walking:
181: The Birth of a Bully
182: The Birth of a Bully part 2
183: The Bully Character in All it's Dimensions: Memory #1
184: Bonding over Names and Shared Interests
185: What we Allow within Inferiority and Superiority

We will go straight into self forgiveness here:

Allowing myself to be influenced by the girls I defined as 'superior' to me in order for them to like me and accept me and so that I could hang out with them/be friends with them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within defining two girls in my class as superior to me and thus me as inferior to them, standing in fear of not being 'as cool/equal' to them - from fear move into desire as wanting them to like me and accept so and thus allowing myself to be influenced by them and myself in accepting and allowing myself to make decisions that were not best for all, but only best for me in how I perceived what was best for me - which actually was only best for me ego as self definition - in sustaining this whole belief that I am/was inferior - thus to be able to hang out with them/be friends with them - and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my comparisons of superiority/inferiority placement of myself and two girls in my class wherein I made a decision to then do whatever it is I can in order for them to like me, accept me and be friends with them

When and as I see myself attempting to move from fear into desire as the self definitions as comparing myself to others as being inferior to one's superiority, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to myself here, back to equality as the physical substance that is real to see/realize/understand that what i am accepting and allowing in that moment is an illusion to influence me in what i define as who I am, who others are, and thus attempt to fulfill my self interest as 'what is best for me' and not take into consideration what is best for all and so I commit myself to question myself in the decisions I make as to how i define myself and thus move myself as what is influencing me, to no longer allow my ego as self interest become more important then what is best for all and thus I commit myself to clear my starting point from which I stand as fear, through my own self created definitions/perceptions/ideas about myself being inferior and others being superior into and as equality and oneness as what is best for all - as what is actually real, in realizing that I am equal as one with all beings here, as the physical substance that we are, and thus I stand in reality and no longer in illusion, attempting to sustain the ego of limitation

Wanting to be 'cool' as how I defined the two girls in my class

Wanting to experience something better then what I defined/accepted of myself - so experienced myself as inferior to the two girls and so within this, wanted to experience the polarity, as being 'equal' to their superiority in which I defined I would find in 'being their friend'


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be cool in how I define two girls in my class wherein I define them as cool and superior and to within this, see myself as inferior and within my inFEARiority, desire to be as cool as them, equal in how i saw them as superiority to them and thus I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed a limited definition of myself where I was inferior to two girls in my class and thus from here move into wanting to be equal in their standing - not realizing I AM equal as who they are as physical beings of/as physical substance and yet I trusted in my mind's definition of 'who I am' in relation to them and from here decided I must be 'more', not realizing I was creating myself as 'less' through comparisons and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as comparisons within my mind, as an illusion that is not even real, but only an interpretation/perception of actual physical reality and thus not stand HERE AS actual physical reality, as breath, in seeing/realizing and understanding that we are in fact equal as the substance from which we come

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through my limited perception of comparing myself as inferior and less then two girls in my class, want to experience something better as I experience my accepted definitions of myself as not cool, and not feeling 'good' about myself and so from here, want something better, to feel better, to become more not realizing that I am the one creating myself as less and so I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I create EVERY experience within/as me through how I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret physical reality and physical beings and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to, through how I interpret physical reality and physical beings, design myself as an automatic play out of a pattern of moving into inferiority as a negative experience and thus from here, automatically move into desire as a positive experience of myself - never stopping and asking myself or questioning myself in what I was accepting and allowing myself to participate within as defining another as more then me or me less then another and thus not even allowing myself to be aware of the automatic movement into inferiority/negative experience into/as the superiority/positive experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see equality through the eyes of polarity in accepting the self created state of ebing as 'inferior' to the two girls in my class and to within this, desire to 'lift myself' to their 'standing' as becoming 'equally' superior as how i defined them as being 'cool' - not realizing that this equality is separated into polarity, as negative and positive and thus not REAL equality, as REAL equality realized the equality within/as physical substance without negative/positive experiences or energy charges - it is simply HERE, as what it is in physical matter - without perceptions, judgments, comparisons, and ideas or opinions - it is simply here


When and as I see myself attempting and trying to become 'more' out of an accepted experience/perception/self definition of being 'less then', as how I define myself and others, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the real equality that I am with/as all that is here, and out of the illusory idea that to become 'more then' myself, as the accepted inferiority, in standing equal in another's perceived superiority - as I see/realize/understand that to move within the starting point of inFEARiority into the desire to be more or 'equal' to how I define others as sUPerior/more than me, is in and as separation of myself, as who I really am, as equal and one with all life here, and only perpetuates the self accepted definition that I am less then - thus I am only moving from the negative into the positive, instead of creating equality and oneness, here as myself without polarity, without fear, without desire, but a constant, stable expression of who I am equal as one with all life here - and so I commit myself to living this equality and oneness as all ife here, with each breath I take, as breathing is equal to and one with the physical body that is of substance, of actual reality and thus equal to all others in/as physical reality/substance and so I commit myself to no longer participating/validating the illusion within my mind that I accept in separating myself from others and moving myself from fear into desire, instead I remove the polarity, I stop the positive search from within the negative experience, and instead breathe here, without separation, without ideas of 'who I am' and 'who others are' and instead commit myself to get to know what is real, as who I really am, as what i have accepted and allowed of myself within the illusion of energy as self definition and to instead walk the process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, to no longer allow a limited perception of actual reality and thus stand AS actual reality, in/as physical reality - as what matters - as the breath of life that is here as me

Deciding to 'dump' my friend Cristina out of fear of not being 'cool' and thus desiring to be 'cool'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the accepted starting point of fear, as inferiority of not being 'cool' and thus desire to be 'more than' my accepted experience of inferiority, move into becoming 'superior' make the decision that was within/as self interest, as fear and as desire to become more than myself, more than others and more than my own creation in fact, as I was allowing myself to create an idea within my mind that I am not equal to other beings, such as the girls in my class, and even as Cristina, as I defined myself as inferior, I also defined her as inferior and thus attempt to move away from this, for myself, as self interest - and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to within self interest as the directive principle of me, and not me HERE as the directive principle of myself, decide I can no longer be friends with Cristina, as I believed I needed to protect myself, to survive as the ego definition I placed upon myself, that I enslaved myself to and thus decide to harm another within my own pursuit of surivival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by self interest as fear and desire in making the decision to 'dump' Cristina - as I literally saw your as less then the opportunity I had to become more than her and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see other beings as trash I can dump, throw away, get rid of for my own self interest, revealing the nature of humans - even children, does not consider life in equality or what is best for all, or even care for another as ourselves as we are willing to 'dump' each other for our own survival, for our own self created bullshit ideas about who we are within this world as requiring some kind of status that secure our position - our safety and so I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to question myself, as who I am as the decisions I make as I see clearly that to allow self interest to influence who I am always create a consequence that is not best for all and thus is unacceptable

I forgive myself that i Have not allowed myself to honor all life as equal and instead honor the ego's perception of status in this world, fearing to be 'left out' or 'not good enough' and thus be willing to dump others - to disregard others for our own self interest and thus seeing this within our world on a daily basis, where we do not care to feed starving children or provide all with the ability to live and support themselves within this life, instead we disregard what is HERE as what matters in physical matter and instead choose our pursuit of self interest to become better than others, to be more than others and not take responsibility for what we are creating within our misplaced value in life

When and as I see myself making a decision within self interest, that suits my needs but disregard another in what is best for all - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back into the awareness that Life matters - that physical substance matters and I see/realize/understand that what I've done within my own self interest to become better is disregard and dump on others where I do not consider what is best for them or how my actions have consequences for them, I only have considered myself and what is best for me as my ego in what I WANT - and I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to make decisions within self interest and instead commit myself to investigate every decision I make, every choice and action and ask myself "is this best for all" in getting to know the nature of each decision that I can make as I see what is created as consequences if I do not - a world where we dump on each other in thinking and believing that how we perceive ourselves and others in this world is more important that actual Life that is here, suffering and waiting to be seen/heard - waiting for solutions - waiting for life to exist as what is best for all and so I commit myself to walk my process as the journey to life, as breathing, as writing, as questioning who I am in the very nature as what i Have accepted and allowed to ensure I bring myself within the starting point of/as equality and oneness as what is best for all - honoring ALL as my equal and giving to another what i would like to receive and thus doing to tothers that I would have done unto me - I stop the illusion of ego that believes my 'status' in this world is more important that PHYSICAL LIFE


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