Day 718 (Day 21 of 30) - My Real Responsibility
I have spent the greater part of the last 13 years on social media "putting myself out there" to support myself and others in a process of self-realization. While a majority of it was for me, there was also this dimension/belief that I "should" do it as a point of supporting others. If I'm silent, I am selfish. Morality was for sure a driving force in my participation.
I somewhat took this point on about 4 years ago when the starting point of me/my living changed - I allowed myself to explore myself in more areas outside of the main area of focus I had spent the most of my late 20's/30's.
The point that I realized about myself was how much I felt responsible for everything. Literally everything. Every.thing.
I was the cause for all the suffering in the world, I was the cause for everyone's lostness, I was the cause for all the torment, greed, and evilness that was rampant.
Me - I was the source, cause, origin, alone.
And that really was what made the most sense to me when I first started walking my Desteni I Process - oh, of course I am responsible, of course I do need self-forgiveness. It was all clear.
The more I walked, and then eventually got to this point where I was face to face with my own innocence, there was this point that came up of oh right - I am NOT responsible for other people. I am not responsible for other people's world. I am not responsible for how others react. I am not responsible for how others perceive me. I am not responsible for the world.
I am not responsible for other's creations. I am not responsible for other's consquences.
This I was seeing from that point of innocence... a child is not responsible for the world, for other people, for their parent's reactions, for anything. A child is innocent, brought into creation within/as this world.
So what I realized was I came to believe as a child I was responsible for everything, based on the environment I was raised in. I was the reason people felt uncomfortable, I was the reason people lashed out. I was the reason there was chaos and discord around me. I was the reason people hated each other and fought. I was the reason for all the suppression and silent war.
When I allowed myself to release this idea - it felt very much like I let go a burden I had been carrying for a long time. I finally was able to give myself my life back and get down into the REAL responsibility I have here.
Which of course, is Me.
First and foremost, my real responsibility is for me.
And now this is the starting point of my responsibility. It starts with me - my well-being, my happiness, my life, my experience, my relationships, my diet, my health, my day-to-day living, my physical environment which - all of I am responsible for because I am responsible for me.
Within this, I am responsible for who I am when others are in a reaction. I am responsible for who I am when my children are having tantrums. I am responsible for who I am in relation to my partner and those in my direct environment. And my responsibility is my response.ability.
How do I respond to what is going on in my immediate/direct environment/reality? For me, I have decided who I want to be - a steady source of love, compassion, forgiveness, understanding, and an eternal presence.
Why? Because it's what feels the best for me. I feel my best when I am clear, when I am light and funny, with no worries or concerns weighing me down, looking at everything from the fresh perspective that nothing is so serious and joy is the reason and life is my creation to play with. There are only solutions, there is always a way, I can trust life and all is truly well.
I am responsible for ensuring I am clear within who I am so that I am able to stand as the steady source of life that is trustworthy and clear within the purpose I've given myself. I want to feel good so It's my responsibility to ensure I am gifting myself with that space and allowance to feel good. When I feel good, those around me feel good. When I am clear, those around me are clear. When I know who I am, I gift others the opportunity to know who they are.
So that is where I am currently focusing myself on - standing clear in my responsibility to/as me. From here, I am then responsible for my children, my relationship with my partner, and my environment, and then I can expand to my greater family, and community and out from there.
For me, this makes the most sense as I can see what happens within me when I attempt to take on more responsibility than is practically mine. When I try to "save" others or "fix" some problem apparently "out there" - I become quite lost. I become stretched and thin and quite unstable.
I don't want to be "out there" - I want to be right here.
My real response-ability is me here in every moment. Start here, walk from moment to moment, and then expand.
The world will not burn down, and others will not be lost - each point is equally response-able for themselves/their life/their creation.
Last point - this is within the realization/seeing/understanding that who I am as Self is All as One as Equal. So Self-Responsibility is me responsible for myself AS All as One as Equal.
When I am responsible for myself/me here, as I have outlined it above, I am standing responsible for All (as me).
Because that is who I am as I have come to realize.
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