Day 708 (11 of 30) - Declaration of The Living Sun

 Yesterday's blog was quite cool and in general, the process of redefining the word STAR to make it a livable expression has been such a fun process to open up and find myself within. There's definitely a push to get real with me in terms of coming to terms with the potential I see in myself and how playing small really doesn't serve anyone. 

When I started my process with the Desteni message and tools, I was a meek, shy, insecure, and seemingly insignificant being from my perspective. I was a whisp of a being. I had no standing within myself, no confidence, no direction, no sense of any kind of self-authority. I was lesser than everything, weak, defective and could not recognize myself as worthy of Life. 

And this process allowed me to gift myself with such transformation and blossoming. My life has been blessed by this process and I am grateful to be here walking it still. 

I do still experience doubt and fear but I've walked through enough of my mind and established enough directive will/principle to know what I am capable of, that I can trust myself and that I am willing to try and go for what I see I am capable of. Because if I don't, I won't ever know if I could and if I fail, nothing changes anyway. 

Life is remarkable. It is a gift. It is a blessing and I am in awe and gratitude every day for who I get to be in this world, what I get to see from my perspective, and what I get to walk.

To ground this point of standing as the sun/source of/as life I want to share how I see I can actually live/apply/walk this in the real-time moments of my actual physical life. 

At the moment, my partner and I have been walking an agreement for almost 12 years, and have 2 kids. I am with my children full-time while my husband works full-time. It was something I initially resisted as I felt being with the kids full time was "hard" but it is literally the best thing I could ever ask for and has given me the most amazing opportunity to perfect myself in my process. 

Plus I get to be with my kids, at home, playing, and doing various activities and money just shows up in my account lol ;)

It wasn't until I had kids did I realized who I really wanted to be and how I really wanted to show up in my life. When my first was born, I realized the innocence of myself and of this world - he helped me let go of such a heavy burden I was carrying and brought me back to remembering the joy of life and the freedom I had to explore my passions and interests with full confidence. I felt as if he gave me my life back.

My 2nd came along and is helping me refine myself in moments when it feels like absolute chaos is ensuing. Being the center of the storm that is having young children lol

What I've been facing since having kids also is the deep, physical programming from my own childhood that is stored as energetic memories in my flesh that were never defined but that I experience so visceral as sudden moments of rage or wanting to lash out/attack or feeling absolutely overwhelmed and the extent to which I've blamed and resented others for apparently doing something to me - the victimization ran deep. Facing the hidden demons that were kept in the shadows. 

Having children has been the greatest freedom as well as the most challenging time in my process but I am walking it and seeing my progression and perfection coming through. 

I know who I want to be in this world because I know who I want to be for my children and what kind of example I want to set for them and the principles I want to instill in them. And I know how to teach them because it's about simply LIVING it... SHOWING them, not just telling them. 

My words are backed by my actions.

In terms of the sun/source expression, my children and partner are the greatest, direct assistance I have to living this. With them (and from there, with everything) I want to be a constant, stable, loving, forgiving, caring, understanding, compassionate being who gives space to those around me and gives a warm presence that they can count on. 

I want to be open always, willing, flexible, and clear. 

I want them to know how loved they are, how much they matter, and how unique, perfect, and creative they are. 

I want them to know how empowered they are to shape and create their reality and the world as a whole. 

I want them to live by the golden rule as the only law that is required on this planet. 

I want them to know how to have authority over themselves and to be a leader others can look to for guidance. 

I want to show them they are capable of facing anything, waking through any challenge, and equipped with the confidence to do anything they truly want to do. 

I want them to trust life and always assume/expect the best because LIFE, as all as One as Equal, is standing within/as each and all things in service of what's best for all Life. That I trust and they can too. And so with that - they can have FUN, express, grow and expand, and see what they are truly made of. 

I want this all for my children and I know I can't tell them this. I have to show them how to do it. And so I must live it. So every day this is my practice - I push to be stable, and clear, letting go of reaction, assume the best of them and others, release judgments, and go with the flow with their constant, big, and full creative energy. I like to say yes and give them the opportunity to show me, tell me, lead me. 

I give them what I want to receive. 

I've already proven to myself that I can trust me and that my will is sound so I trust how I move forward, despite any mistakes made, I know who I am, what I'm doing, and where I'm going, and that this Life is truly new and only beginning every day. 

I want to give simply by being me and the utmost I see of myself. Like the sun - simply standing here, where I am, shining who I am without any wavering, doubt, or 2nd guessing. 

And clear of Who I am so that nothing moves me. I move. I am the expression I choose to be in every moment, as what is best for all. 

And so I walk...