03 May 2012

Day 16 - a Females attempt to catch a Mate


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from males within my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define males as only points of potential relationship then keep myself busy in my mind with projections of what ifs and play outs instead of being here equal with the other being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define males within my mind as being separate form me that I have to win

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience fear within myself when around males I define as potential partners

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change who I am when a male walks into my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself separate from males through defining them as a point in which I have to earn or impress or catch – so that I have this energy desire fulfillment of a relationship with another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately as I see a male within my reality that I have defined within my liking – go into the mind of illusion and fantasy and play out our whole life together – instead of remaining here with REALITY – equal as the other being as a male

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the automation of sizing up a male within my reality as whether he would be a suitable partner for me or not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define males within the point of either being worthy of a relatioinship with me or not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see males as only 2 points – potential partners or not potential partners

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep myself busy within my mind through searching and sizing up all males within my reality as to whether I could be in a relationship with them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss out on who I being is through defining myself in relationship to another and the sex they are – as a male being that which I require to be in relationship with and thus believe I have to determine whether they would be suitable for me – instead of being here without any conditions on who that being is and simply allow myself to communicate as myself as I would with any other beings – the same all ways in every way with any one

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically react within anxiety and nervousness when a male enters my reality within believing I have to be a certain way so that the male with find me suitable and thus desire to be in a relationship with me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become nervous around males through my participation in the mind as dishonesty where I create a reality with this being that does not actually physically exist and thus separate myself from what is real – and then fear what is real as the communication with this being in the moment as the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see males only through my minds eye of what a male can be in a relationship with me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself be directed by the anxiety I experience when in reality with other males – in sizing them up within my mind as either suitable or not to be in a relationship with and thus project this onto them and fear not being suitable for them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist speaking openly with a male within my reality based on the ideas of my mind of who that being is in relationship to being a potential partner

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what others will think if I communicate with a male that I have within myself defined within my liking

I forgive myself for allowing myself to resist communicating with males

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear communicating with males through how I have allowed myself to define males within the limited perspective of only being potential partner

I forgive myself that I haven’t yet allowed myself to see males as my equal – not greater then me and not less then me – My equals

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within superiority when with a male in my reality as being a being that is perfect and this male has to prove himself to me – through my desire to be perfect in the eyes of the male and thus desire him to worship me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within inferiority with males in my reality – where I am In Fear of them not approving of me as a suitable partner for relationship

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define male/female interactions as strictly to get a relationship

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowing myself to change myself physical, as the way I drink a glass of water, and sit in my chair – as if to present myself as this perfect being that they desire to have

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate males in my reality through physical moving myself in ways that I believe they will find appealing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to become more than males in my reality – through the ego’s attempt to win within moving myself in ways in which I believe they will approve and thus submit to my control in getting them to desire me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse males within my egos drive to win

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to outwardly present myself as stable and perfect to males yet within myself experience conflict and turmoil as I experience fear and anxiety and nervousness when around them – in fear of what to say, how to say it, and fear of what they will think of me – instead of simply allowing myself to be here equal and one with them – as them – communicating in self honest without the bullshit games of the mind

I stop this Here

When and as I see myself go into the Mind as thoughts and fantasies and projections or playouts about a male in my reality – I stop and I breathe – and I bring myself back to awareness where I allow myself to be aware that this being is me – equal and one and thus I stop separating myself through define them as something special within my world – as in the desire to have a relationship – I stop seeing males as only a potential partner – I see them as my equal and thus allow myself to communicate with them as my equals without the secret mind deception that is not at all what I am presenting to them in reality

I commit myself to stopping the secret mind reality where I can abuse any male in my world through seeing them through my mind’s eye as a means for me to be in a relationship

When and as I see myself participating in nervousness and anxiety when in the company of a male – I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to myself here as the breathe as stability wherein I allow myself to release the energy I have created through breathing and realizing all beings – male or female and even plant or animal, ALL beings are equal and one as me and thus I stand here equal and one with all beings as me – no more accepting and allowing separation through defining them within my mind – yet seeing them here with me as I am here with them – seeing and reflecting life as equality and oneness to each other

I commit myself to see all beings – male or female, animal or plant, rock or sky – as my equal. Realizing the substance that I am is of this earth as all other matter that is here as of the same substance and so I honor myself as all as one as equal through seeing not a male or female – but my equal

When and as I see myself going into thoughts about potential partners and the payoutl of what could happen – I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the mind of separation and back to the one physical reality that is real for us all – and be here with the moment where nothing within my mind has any say on what is actually happening within the physical. And so I remain here – focus on what is here – what needs to be done, what needs to be communicated – taking responsibility of myself in every moment

I commit myself to stopping the participating in the mind as thoughts and future projections of potential relationships realizing that this is separation and of self interest wherein I am only looking to feed my desire for a relationship. I commit myself to stopping the separation of the mind as thoughts and fantasies and play outs – and get back into reality as the physical as this is the only place I can create something real within my mind – not through the mind – but here in this physical matter, where it matters

When and as I see myself participating in superiority/inferiority of the mind in relation to males in my reality – I stop and I breathe and I push myself to realize I am not superiority to anyone or anything and I am not inferior to anyone or anything – I am Equal and thus I push myself to realize that only through the mind do I create something more or less of myself or others and so I stop myself from creating this as I realize life is here – life is simply – life is equal.

I commit myself to stopping the separation through the definitions of the mind of me and others thought believing superiority/inferiority exists. I stop this and allow myself to be here equal with all as me and thus allow self expression as self movement and communication – so that I can once and for all share life with others that are here with/as me – instead of separating myself from others through the mind. I get back to life – I start living life – with others that are here as well – and stop isolating myself within my mental reality that does not exist.