07 May 2013

Day 165: Balancing Act of Diverting Attention

Balance. This point came up for me today in looking at ways in which I live. I have never been a 'balanced' person in terms of having an equal amount of attention giving to more then one point, I have generally been to the extreme to one thing or another. Like over excited or blinded by one thing. So balance, this balance point for me is looking at what I give my attention to throughout my day - my daily responsibility and all the current points in my life, like work and school and desteni work and general living.

I can see where my mind gives most of my attention to - usually diverting my attention away from being here, what is necessary in the moment, moving myself through each point effectively, allowing myself to actually move. Instead I have this tendency to zoom in on one thing in my life and let the rest fall the pieces. So when looking at this point today, I see it's about balance. Balancing myself as far as giving an equal amount of myself to all that is currently here that I am walking. Or maybe an equal amount of attention to each point, or assess which is required to be giving more attention and adjust the rest - but definitely a point of equalizing myself within each thing that I do, where I do not give too much attention to one point and forget about the rest. Maybe this is about managing - yet managing is like dealing with or trying to keep up with and yes, can see this is how I am currently existing. Managing my extreme tendencies of going to one thing or the other, having to manage the consequences. Like trying to keep my head above water while I pile on the responsibilities and not effectively standing within each one thing. Like effective in one thing but not the other, so I guess not effective in the one I 'think' I am effective in - as then I might be using it as a way to avoid or resist other points in my life.

So this is specifically looking at my day to day living - all the responsibilities I have, so I can see this point of what is priority still needs some attention, as far as I have placed what is priority, yet got myself 'off track' sort to speak in terms of allowing this unbalanced act of giving one point more attention then everything else. So have to realize here that all things in my reality - work, school, my own process, desteni stuff - all are important and require my effective attention - where I am here with each thing that I do - and not wondering off into my mind wanting to distract myself or just simply disregarding those points in seeking to fulfill myself in some outside source. I don't think this is about me 'needing' some external validation as if I cannot be alone here with myself - I see it more as a general resistance to responsibilities. Although, I could say that I am resisting facing myself in those responsibilities - like seeing them more then me and no way I can walk through it and complete the task at hand - giving up before I have started perhaps.

Feeling a bit generalized here so will specify further for myself.

Each day I have responsibilities and they vary to the degree of priorities. Yet - each day certain things must be done and addressed. What I see is I distract myself with is an external point that stimulates my mind into thinking about future projections and 'whats to come' - so definitely not cool because obviously I am then disregarding and in fact abusing 'what is here' as my immediate reality - what is here right in front of my face that requires my attention. So maybe even this point of defining one thing in my life as 'more important' then the rest, instead of realizing all points are equally supporting me in walking my process and developing myself within who I am and what I am doing in this life - so realizing that in defining one thing as more important then another is sabotaging and compromising myself in the others. So must look at what I 'think' I am getting in just one point I give my attention to and not the rest.

So will continue with this in looking at the relationships I have created towards each point in my life - who I am within each of them - and how I define them according to the importance I have placed on them. Because I see this point of if I can get myself established in my day to day living, addressing everything that is necessary (interesting - I first wrote unnecessary - so yes, addressing the unnecessary diversion tactics that I give myself in order to not have to become responsible in what I am doing here in each moment) or requires my attention - then that is like a really cool way to walk and live this life, like bam - point, next, point - address - like taking on each thing, valuing each point EQUALLY so that I am not creating consequences within myself and my world where one things get all of me - interesting here also because it's like looking at this from the perspective of giving myself to one thing or like what am I getting from this one point I am giving all my attention to? So yes - see how practical it is in creating a relationship to all things in my reality in terms of responsibilities to an equal standing, where one is not more then another and thus I will be able to move effectively in taking on each point within myself and within my life. Then I have room to expand as I perfect myself within each point or application. Walking in this world to get things done - that is what we require. Stopping the attention diversions or seeking through tunnel vision and getting down and dirty, back to breath to be here, within the totality of our reality - able to face it ALL, all here on the earth. correcting the problems we see we have created.

So will continue in the next blog looking deeper into what is here.

**Ah Ha! So getting this blog here ready for publication - it hit me - walking a balancing act is like walking a tight rope, and if I do not remain stable, here, equal in my standing within/as myself, like not breathing and going into my head with thoughts and feelings and emotions and imagination and memories and future projections; wavering myself with the movement of energy- then I lean more to one side or the other... and I fall. And all things fall with me. So cool to see this point for myself in seeing more directly what I am facing in terms of trying to balance myself yet not being effective, as I lean to one side or the other in terms of giving my attention away from me here, instead of standing/walking stable, direct, one foot in front of the other. so cool, will continue this tomorrow...

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