31 March 2013

Day 131 - Part 10: The Consequences of what I Accept in a Moment

This is a continuation of:
Day 122 - Walking through a Moment of Irritation part 1
Day 123 - Memories Fueling Reactions part 2
Day 124 - Part 3: A Moment filled with Many Dimensions
Day 125 - Part 4: Forgiving the Voices in my Head
Day 126 - Part 5: Correcting the Voices in my Head
Day 127 - Part 6: Forgiving and Correcting the Imagination
Day 128 - Part 7: Forgiveness for being a Reactive Robot
Day 129- Part 8: Correcting the Reactions
Day 130 - part 9: Forgiveness & Correction: The Mind Moving the Body

Let's continue onto the Consequences dimension of the moment I have laid out. The consequences are that which I have created through/as my participation within the mind as the moment with A - the outcome of my starting point, or from the input, the consequence is the output. What manifested, was accepted and allowed; what came from me not standing within/as myself in this moment with A as being directed to react to her according to memories, thoughts, feelings and emotions. Here we go.

Consequence
Speaking within energy, creating conflict with another, feelings of guilt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/manifest the consequence of feeling guilty for my participation within this moment with A, wherein I reacted to/towards her based on past experiences and memories and allowed it to influence me in this moment and thus seeing/realizing that who I was in this moment of reacting to her; seeing what was going on in my mind, how I interacted with her, my physical movement, was within the starting point of separation, I was not directing myself within/as breath, and was definitely not best for all, and so seeing this, and seeing that I did not stand/direct myself in this moment to stop, allowed feelings of guilt for my participation - when prevention is the best cure, and I could have prevented these feelings if/as I would stand in that moment and not allow myself to be directed by the forces of my mid but to instead breathe and let go of the memory that was fueling the experience, or at least save it for later to investigate within myself and not allow it to 'take over' me and direct me to change who I was in that moment with her and how I interacted with her; considering only myself (self interest) and not her as my equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the consequence of feeling guilty as a reaction to this moment with A, wherein I did not take self responsibility, and as to validate this experience in seeing I was 'wrong', allow feelings of guilt to exist as a way to 'make up' for what I did/who I was, instead of stopping the creation of guilt before it could be created - in stopping myself in this moment to no longer accept and allow separation within me; my mind as memories and thoughts and feelings and emotions to direct me within how to interact with A and thus seeing here that guilt was used to make myself feel better for not standing up within/as myself in this moment, so it's like a back door used for not directing myself in the moment, because then I can just feel guilty and that somehow absolves me from taking responsibility because, "it's ok, I feel guilty for what I did, that is enough" - and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use guilt as a means to abdicate my self responsibility in moments, wherein I will allow a play out of reactions/separation within myself in a moment with A and then immediately go into guilt as a way to make it 'right' as defining myself as 'wrong' in the moment and so within this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'wrong' within the polarity of 'right/wrong' in this moment with A and so then after being in this negative/wrong experience, follow it up with the polarity of having to make it right/positive experience as feeling guilty instead of simply stopping in the moment; the moment I saw the thoughts arise, my physical behavior change and and the reactions play out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the consequence of participating in a 'mind/ego war' with another wherein I was reacting and A was reacting and equally we were reacting to each other, throwing the blame as reaction back and forth and thus not at all effectively communicating or interacting at all, instead standing against each other in defense and resentment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the consequence of speaking within energy, wherein the energies I had accumulated throughout the years as resentments/blame/anger to/towards A were triggered in a moment with her by her words and actions, and thus I began to experience the energy as feeligs that I than accepted in that moment and acted upon them, following the mind's instructions of what it was giving to me, instead of stopping with/as breath and not allowing energy to consume me into moving me wherein I then speak within this reaction/blame and thus perpetuating the conflict within myself unto another in/as physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict with another through my words, and actions as the outflow of the inner conflict I was accepting and allowing within me/my mind based within past memories and experiences with A, instead of stopping it as I saw it arise and not allow myself to get carried away by the energy rising within me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take a breath in and clear myself from any/all reactions/blame/resentments/anger/annoyance/irritation I might experience in a moment with A to ensure that I am not allowing myself to act as a reactive robot that follows the thoughts in my mind and instead clear myself as the in breathe to ensure I breathe out/act out/express self honestly in not allowing separation or blame to exist within/as me to/towards another but to instead stand in/as self responsibility within who I am, what I express, and what I will accept and allow

When and as I see myself experiencing guilt for a moment that I abdicated my self responsibility with A as blaming her or reacting towards her, I stop and I breathe and I do not allow myself to participate in feelings of guilt, as I am only perpetuating the lack of self responsibility to stand clear here as who I am without the need for feelings and emotions to guide/direct me as I see/realize/understand that to feel guilty is a play out of not being self honesty/responsible in a moment and so instead of cycling this point in going into guilt for what I did accept and allow that I see is not best for all, I instead commit myself to investigate who I was in that moment, what I accepted and allowed and apply self forgiveness and self corrective statement/application within these points I identify as I realize guilt is unnecessary when change is possible and thus I commit myself to stop feeling guilty as defining myself as 'wrong' and instead live the solution/changes I want to see within this world, within others, within myself to no longer give myself the excuse that I am unable to stand self directive in moments with A and all moments of my life

When and as I see myself participating in reactions within my mind to/towards A and then begin speaking from/as this starting point, I stop and I breathe and within the in-breath I take, I clear/stop/delete all back chats/thoughts/emotions/feelings/reactions I am experiencing to clear myself in that moment so that I breathe out self honesty as self responsibility to ensure that I am not accepting and allowing myself to express myself as the energy of the mind as the reaction as I see/realize/understand that this is self separation, self dishonesty and abdication of life here and so I commit myself to clear myself in each moment I am able, as each breathe I take, removing the reactions that enslave me to act accordingly based on what I am allowing to influence me from within my mind and instead stand self willed/directive here as who I am as life

When and as I see myself communicating words of blame and anger with A, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back here with/as the breath to stop my participation in the expression of energy as my mind and the reactions I am accepting and allowing as I see/realize/understand that this is the consequence of my accepting and allowing myself to participate in the internal mind movement and so I stop myself here, bring myself back here, breathe and do not allow myself to continue as a reaction and instead I commit myself to breathe, and flag such moments to investigate - to see the problem I had created that caused an outcome/experience/expression that is not best for all and could have been prevented

In the blog to following I will be forgiving myself for the memories I was holding onto of past experiences/reactions with A that fueled this whole moment; for carrying the past into the present in not being fully here; not actually living but only existing as a memory.



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