29 March 2013

Day 130 - part 9: Forgiveness & Correction - The Mind Moving the Body

This is a continuation of:
Day 122 - Walking through a Moment of Irritation part 1
Day 123 - Memories Fueling Reactions part 2
Day 124 - Part 3: A Moment filled with Many Dimensions
Day 125 - Part 4: Forgiving the Voices in my Head
Day 126 - Part 5: Correcting the Voices in my Head
Day 127 - Part 6: Forgiving and Correcting the Imagination
Day 128 - Part 7: Forgiveness for being a Reactive Robot
Day 129- Part 8: Correcting the Reactions

So here I will continue onto the Physical Dimension of this moment wherein I reacted physically, changed my physical body, movement, experience all because of the movement that was happening within/as me as my mind. So this is a point revealing how we have enslaved our physical bodies/reality to our internal reality/the mind - wherein depending upon what is going on 'up there' in our heads, we will actually change ourselves to act accordingly - thus this begs the question: Who's in control? What are the forces forcing us to 'act accordingly'; why have we imposed mental images/beliefs/perceptions/resentment/feelings/emotions limitations onto the physical reality that is constant, trustworthy and stable? Seems we have misplaced our value in honoring the Mind instead of physical, breathing bodies. Ok - so let's start

Physical Behavior/Movement/Experience
Physical restriction in my body as I see her, physically moving away from her as she stands closer to me. Match her physical reaction back to her, in that as shaking my head and having a look of annoyance, raising my voice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the moment of seeing/hearing A asking me to do something for her and then seeing her move the leaves from my car, become physically restricted within/as my body, wherein my mind was then triggered by thoughts and memories of resentments to/towards her and in accordance, my physical body reacted equally to this resistances/restriction/tenseness towards her revealing the constraints and pressure placed on the physical body according to what is happening in the mind - again also showing how we abuse our bodies for the participation within our minds

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become physically tense/tight/restricted/resistant towards A when I see her move towards me and speak to me, as the defensive position I went into according to the position I took 'against' her within my mind; matching/forcing/aligning my physical body to express this reaction within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically react to A as she stood closer to me within moving away from her, as if I was repelled by her, yet according to the images/pictures/memories/resentments that were coming up in that moment about her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to train my body to follow the instructions of the mind, wherein I allow this play-out in my head to/towards A wherein I believe I have to defend myself as my position of being 'her victim' and thus move myself physically to express this stance, instead of stopping and slowing down to see what I was doing in that moment; how I was allowing myself to be a slave to my mind in that moment in what I was experiencing within me/in my mind, and instead bring myself back to the physical in not allowing the internal mind reality to move me, but for me to move me as the breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself in such a way wherein I will physically express/move myself according to what is going on within my mind, revealing that I have enslaved myself to my mind as my master in accepting what is going on and thus then move myself accordingly, acting according to what I am experiencing, without questioning the validity as I see/realize/understand that it is based within/coming from the starting point of a memory - of the past, of experiences I have allowed to accumulate within/as me throughout time/my life to direct me in this moment here and thus showing that I am not actually here, but I am 'back there' stuck in the past carrying it's weight and allowing it to determine who I am in this moment, here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express physically within/as my body the physical stance/expression I saw within/as A - wherein I saw she was reacting to me according to her body language and movement, and so as I was to 'stand up to her/fight against her/hold my position' match her physical expression, as shaking my head, expressing my face to have a look of annoyance and to raise my voice - revealing that I was 'playing the game' of the energy addicts in this moment attempting to win/be superior to her as within I felt she was attempting to be superior to me and no way can I have this, as the ego I need to be the winner and assert my power and so within this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to play the game of the war of the minds as egos attempting to be superior to another, to be better, to win and to come out as the 'right one' as a way of defining myself according to this moment, all the while not realizing the enslavement I was imposing on myself and her within/as this participation as I was validating/accepting/allowing/participating in this reaction within me and expressing physically in reality

When and as I see myself reacting physically to/towards A, as in moving my body, stepping away from her or matching the physical expression I see from her, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to the moment, as the physical reality of/as my physical body, and I do NOT allow myself to express my mental reactions/positions of separation and ego into/as physical reality, as I realize at this stage I have already allowed it to go too far, as I see/realize/understand that to move myself physically according to the mental reactions I am having towards A is a sign that I have been accumulating/participation in this reaction enough so that the energy from this moves me physically. I see/realize/understand there is no self directive will or principle within this - only a slave robot reacting to the past, separating from the physical moment of here as the breath and thus I commit myself to in these moments of reacting physically to stop, breathe and do not allow myself to move physically according to the experience/reactions I am having within my mind, instead I flag such a moment for myself to later write it out for myself, investigate the relationship I was creating within myself/towards A in that moment to see what I was allowing to force me into submission as moving from the mind, instead of making the self awareness choice/decision to move as/each breath and not according to the mental reality that I play the win/lose game with another

In the blogs to follow I will be forgiving the dimension of consequence that arise/manifest from such participation I have allowed in this moment with A, as well as the memories I have used/held onto throughout my life as a way to define myself according to A, in separation, as well as looking at this moment from a retrospect(ive) to see what the problem was, what the solution is and what rewards self can see/live in regards to this type of investigation/self forgiving/self commitments - ultimately why it's best to change.

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