Day 175: The Implication of Needing Assurance.
Before I go deeper and specific into the points that I opened within that particular blog, I want to address a statement I made in the same blog: "hmmm, I wonder where I got that idea?" -This was referring to how I saw within/throughout my life that I felt I 'needed' to wear make-up and so in this statement, I am asking where I would have accepted this belief, yet within this I can see some blame and within myself, as I was typing the words, I saw myself see my parents as an image as well as media and entertainment/celebrities within my mind.
So I will take responsibility for this as I see/realize/understand that no one is to blame for what I, My-SELF, accept and allow within/as myself in this life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when typing the words, "hmmm, I wonder where I got that idea?", in regards to thinking and believing that I 'need' to wear make-up, exist as an image as a thought within my mind of my parents and to within this, exist within blame, blame towards them as being the reason and responsibility for why I have created such a dependency on make-up for self acceptance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when typing the words, "hmmm, I wonder where I got that idea?", in regards to thinking and believe that I 'need' to wear make-up, exist as an image as a thought within my mind of the entertainment industry and my culture/society as a whole, as a way to blame 'them' for why I placed so much value on the way that I looked/the belief that I require to wear make-up to be beautiful
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility to/as myself within ALL that I have accepted and allowed within myself, within my life and as who I have accepted to be as a personality or character that 'plays a part' within this world, attempting to find any kind of acceptance and assurance outside and separate from me here and thus I forgive myself that I was not accepting and allowing myself to become self honest as I typed these words, masking the blame I was existing within in not willing to actually change, as I see/realize/understand that in my unwillingness to become self honest, I cannot possible change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am innocent in who I am as how I think and believe that I require make-up to be accepted in this world and so within this belief that I am innocent, blame my parents and my culture/society to be the reason I am the way that I am, instead of taking self responsibility within realizing in self honesty that I was the one that never questioned what was shown to me, given to me or told to me - I was in ACCEPTANCE of all things in/as/of this world and thus I am responsible in not stopping and investigating whether it was best for all/me or not and so I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to stand self honestly responsible for who I am in every shape/way/form as I see/realize/understand that without my willingness to question, I was in acceptance of what is here and what is here is NOT cool and so thus I am responsible for this and I must correct this as myself
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that because I attempt to 'be innocent' in my acceptance of the dependency I created to/towards wearing make-up, then I don't have to change as I fear to change because in changing I think I will lose some apparent power that I have and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents and my culture/society for my dependency on wearing make-up as a way to gain power and control over them, as saying 'they' are the ones to blame and to within this think and believe that the power I apparently now possess as 'not being responsible' I do not have to change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have slowed down enough within/as myself within/as breathing to become absolutely self honesty in seeing who I am as each word I write/type in seeing what LIES behind the word and correct anything that is not aligned to what is best for all - as I see/realize/understand that self honesty as self responsibility is best for all, as within it - it removes all blame, projection and judgment and actually allow one to actually change and so I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to actually change in slowing down as I write myself out to see who I actually am and what I am accepting and allowing, as I now see/realize/understand that I expose myself in every word thus I commit myself to see the gift of the words I write to be able to push myself to become self honest in ways I have never allowed, so I can stand self responsible in changing myself as I see it is the only way to actually change as the real power is within my hands and not within blame or belief of innocence.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within blaming something outside/separate form me here, such as my parents or my family or the feedback I would receive or my culture/society, as to why I created a dependency upon wearing make-up, that somehow I do not have to or am not responsible for this acceptance within me, instead of realizing it is WITHIN ME - thus I AM responsible - I allowed myself to wear make-up, to define myself according to the image, and how others saw me and thus I am responsible and so I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stand absolutely responsible for all that exists within and as me, realizing that I am the only one that is
When and as I see myself writing my blog or writing myself out without awareness as not walking slowly but surely with/as breath, I stop and I breathe and I establish myself here, to be able to see me here clearly as 'who I am' within/as each word I write as I see/realize/understand that if I am not here, breathing, I am not directive of myself and thus allow blame to exist within me, and although it is cool support to see such a statement as above to be able to become self honest, I realize that to walk breath by breath I can see myself as my mind and the movement within me and thus correct myself as I walk as to no longer accept and allow myself to express separation as the blame projected outwards and so I commit myself to become self honest in slowing myself to be able to see myself in each moment, who I am, what I am accepting and allowing and stop myself from expressing anything less then self honesty and so I commit myself to breath, to take responsibility in stopping ALL blame and judgments and projections in realizing that I AM the only one that has created myself to be 'who I am' thus I must be responsible in changing it and that it is without blame, judgment and projection - I commit myself to see who I am in each word I write, as the Journey to Life, to establish myself as a being living within/as self honesty so that I can no longer deceive myself or others and instead stand in self trust for/as all as me, living in ways that are allways best for all
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