484: Keep at it - Until it's Done: 30 Days of Blogging - Day 18

This is the first time in a couple weeks where I'm at a loss on what to write about. I was in a flow there for awhile - every night having a clear point I could discuss and write about and they mostly flowed, or if taking a little big of self-digging, still was completed and I was satisfied.

Though tonight, that is not the case. There are multiple points, and no points at the same time. It's a time when you could easily give in. Or shall I say 'I'. I could easily give in, as the thoughts came up "you could miss a night". After walking 18 days of consistent blogging it seems silly to give up now. Why not rather make the decision to keep moving, keep pushing, stay disciplined within the task at hand.

And as I write, clearing some space within me, there is a point here to share. The point of giving in just at the most crucial time. When things are the most difficult, when you think you just can't take anymore of it, when you think you've had just enough, and want to give up... that is the moment of change. If one can get through that moment, break through the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are pointing you in the opposite direction, you rather stay on course and complete the mission. I don't know if I can say I've ever moved through such a moment. If I have, it's not as obvious to me.

Change hasn't been so obvious to me, never really experienced that 'breakthrough'. It's been instead very, VERY subtle. Slowly but surely. In making certain commitments, to stick to certain behaviors, or in changing certain behaviors, or creating new habits I've noticed that it's simply a decision - every time the opportunity comes to do that new activity or task, or to stop those certain thoughts, or to remain consistent in a certain practice, or application... it's just in that moment where you make a decision to stick with it, to continue on, to not stop, to not give up.

So while my moments of breakthrough/change hasn't been a glass-shattering moment where the whole thing comes crumbling down, and now I'm changed as a new person. It has rather been a day to day, moment to moment living application.

For example - my sleeping habit. I grew up to be a 'night owl' who shuttered at the early mornings. In time, I've changed this. Practical reasons suggested it was best to get up earlier, and despite my absolute resistance to doing it - as I clearly defined myself as 'not a morning person' - through making the decision to get up at a certain time, no ifs, ands, buts about it - just physically getting up at that time, through time I've been able to establish myself as a 'morning person'. Though really - it's not about being a morning person, or a late owl, it's about being self-directive. So I make a decision to get up at a certain time, and regardless of my experience of wanting to or not, I just do it. And I've found in making that decision every day (which for awhile I had to will myself to make that decision EVERY day) it has become natural for me to get up at that time, without the past wanting to stay in bed, or sleep just a little longer. In consistently doing it - it becomes natural.

That is the process of change essentially. Some patterns, and habits may take more effort, more of a push, more of a diligence... but in CONSISTENTLY making that decision to stick with the decision and live the action, each time you are taking one more step closer to letting go of the past, and walking in the present, self-directive.

Is change difficult? Yes. Does it take time? Yes. May you make miss-takes, and fall back into old habits and patterns? Perhaps. Though all it takes is that decision within self, each and every single day, to do the action that is physical change. You get up regardless of how you feel. You write the blog whether you have a point to write about or not. You keep doing it until it becomes natural. Or you stop doing something until you no longer want to keep doing it. Whatever it is - letting go of something, or creating something... it boils down to you, your decision, your directive will, and your ACTION to make it happen.

And to bring it back full circle to the beginning of this blog... you don't give up. Change may take longer than you expected, it may not. It may be more difficult then you thought it would be, it may not. The point is to not stop until you are satisfied... to not give in too fast, or when things look they there is no way  you can get through it. That is your moment to LIVE your decision. Again, and again, and again, until it's done. Until it's you, until it's who you are - natural.




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