Through some writings today I realized that while I have been in a way fighting against a particular point I am facing as an aspect of myself and my living, I have not really allowed myself to understand it, I have instead attempted to simply stop it.
This is in relation to, of course, resistance. A resistance being something I don't want to do, or avoid, or deliberately don't want to face or address.
So I have this particular habit that I have been working with for some time that I have been attempting to stop/change. Though I have found that I am not yet effective to my satisfaction and still allow myself to 'give in' to these particular moments of acting out this habit. And what I realized today is that I am attempting to simply stop it. And the problem here is I am not understanding what is actually going on AS the reason I am acting out this particular habit.
The habit being naps and the lack of understanding being WHY I am napping, which I can see for myself is as a resistance. I know it's not a physical condition of 'being tired' because I take care of my body physically in terms of diet and rest. So, within self honesty, I can see my habit to napping is simply a mental point - I am resisting my day or aspects of my life and choose to nap rather than deal with the resistance.
And that is what I realized - I am not understanding WHAT I am resisting or WHY and then changing my relationship to that particular point. Instead I am attempting to address the symptoms and not getting to the source/cause/origin.
This is basically how we treat any kind of medical condition of our physical bodies. We experience a physical symptom and treat only that part, not then looking at what CAUSED it - where it came from, how it came about and seeing how we can change THAT to actually cure any ailments.
So while I was attempting to treat the symptom of a resistance as the napping, as in just simply stopping it, I found myself not as effective. And that is because I am not looking at the cause, where the napping as resistance came from, how it started, what it's actually about. Stopping napping then wont actually correct or address the real problem, as the root of the problem is within me and my relationship to whatever it is I am resisting.
So this is a point I am currently working with - understanding what it is in my day and life that I have a resistance to, and that in that resistance, not dealing with/directing and instead allowing it to grow into the consequence of where I decide to nap and attempt to hide/avoid it.
So I started a list of what I can see within me that I am resisting and asking myself the question 'Why'. And from here I can see what my thoughts, feelings and emotions are toward the particular point/aspect I am resisting in my life and address that with Self-Forgiveness - as that is actually changing the nature of the problem, and creating an actual Cure where I am no longer simply treating the symptoms, which are just the manifested consequence of a relationship I have created, and instead getting to the Source of it, to the actual Cause.
Self- Forgiveness in the blog to follow...
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