682: The Wrath of My Silent Treatment
Continuing from my last blog... the next day I noticed the point mentioned previously was still present within me. There was spite existing within me in relation to this person that "took their frustrations out on me." The next day when communicating with her, I hardly spoke. This is often my choice of punishment towards someone I think have wronged me. I shut down and stop engaging with them. Or the classic silent treatment as my partner would call it.
That's what I was doing - I was giving this person the silent treatment because they "wronged" me. I knew while I was allowing it that is was really unacceptable - because I realized the frustrations they were having wasn't personal, it wasn't about me YET I took it personally, made it about me, victimized myself within it and decided to punish them with my silence. Apparently I believe this will "teach them a lesson."
Really all it does is perpetuate a state of conflict, a state of victimization, a state of blame, a state of a power struggle, a state of war essentially. They threw the first bomb and now I was attacking back. Maybe not as loud or as obvious, but within me I could see who I was - I was existing within/as spite.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it is acceptable to exist within/as spite
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to default into spite when I feel someone has wronged me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as spite towards others when I think and believe someone did something to me that I take personally
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in existing in spite towards another, for "attacking me," submit myself to the energy game of the mind
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself other solutions to when I feel attacked or assaulted by another instead of automatically reverting to spite as a solution
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe giving someone the silent treatment is an effective way to solve the problem of how i think another treated me wrongly and to punish them, I stop engaging with them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want another to feel bad for how they treated me by going into silent treatment
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that me going into silent treatment towards another because of how they "wronged" me is me essentially suppressing myself and FEARING to be direct with them in how their words had an impact me or even how I see their words were a reaction based on their own frustrations and not on me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am doing anyone any good by using the silent treatment to prove a point instead of realizing that in trying to prove a point I've already missed the point because I am acting in a RE-action rather than living a solution that doesn't perpetuate a state of conflict and blame
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my own reactions in how I respond to others - such as using silent treatment to spite another - just like I would like others to take responsibility for their own reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to take responsibility for their reactions yet not be willing to take responsibility for my own
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed spite to exist within me in any form in realizing that if it's accepted and allowed within me then it's equally accepted and allowed in this world
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the nature of spite is dangerous and if I allow it, the world can allow it and I already see what it does in the world
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility in stopping ALL spite within and as me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerful as spite because I think and believe that I'm actually weak and I need spite to be stronger to face and dominate others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spite as a weapon to harm others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it's my responsibility to teach others lesson about their "Bad behavior" instead of realizing that my responsibilities exists within me and ensuring I am causing no harm, no spite, no deception, no judgment - it all must stop within/as me
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how the nature of me is reflected as the nature of this world and so clearly I have a lot of cleaning up to do
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the extent of my responsibility and how far it actually goes
When and as I see myself spiting another with the silent treatment because of how they treated me or spoke to me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand the destruction of spite and how because I allow it to exist within/as me I am equally allowing it to exist within/as this world and so I commit myself to find other solutions that does not perpetuate the world we have but rather creates a world that's best for all
I commit myself to stop spiting others and start understanding others instead as do unto another as you would have done to you
I commit myself to stop creating war with spite
I commit myself to stop playing games with the silent treatment and rather learn to speak directly
I commit myself to stop manipulating others with the silent treatment
I commit myself to stop trying to teach others a lesson with the silent treatment
I commit myself to practice communicating more directly what I see
I commit myself to stop participating in the mind energy games of reactions
Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:
Desteni
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