680: Intellectually Inferior
Today I noticed a point within me wherein I saw something to express - something to say, a perspective to share, a consideration to explore and once I put it out there I slowly but surely began to question and doubt myself. My heart began to race, my mind started to worry... was what I said okay? was it right? will it be challenged or twisted or thrown back at me?
What I noticed was this experience/reaction I was having was in relation to whom I was speaking to, or who was there to see/read my words. I defined this person as superior, as "knowing more" or more "intellectual" and so I diminished at the thought of attempting to stand equal to them in conversation. Because I did not simply accept what they were saying - I in fact saw flaws in what they were saying and so I shared my perspective. I was clear when I shared but soon went into fear.
Apparently this person is more of an authority because of... why? who they are? what they do? who their partner is? where they went to school? My perspective is equally as valuable especially in the context of considering what is actually best for all. Why do I allow intellect to be more of an authority? Something superior to me? I may have not had the same educational opportunity as others or I may not even have the same IQ... but that does not make me invalid, inferior or incapable of sharing what I SEE.
Now this isn't to say all perspectives are valid. Perspectives that abuse or cause harm to another - those invalidate themselves. Those that diminish or belittle or disregard what is in fact best for all - to me, are irrelevant. What matters is we assert ourselves as equals. That we do not diminish ourselves in the face of our own fears - that we do no belittle ourselves in relation to those we think are somehow superior because the truth is there is NO ONE more superior then anyone else. We are actually, in fact, Equal and to experience the contrary indicate an act of separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel weakened and diminished in the face of another I defined as intellectually superior to me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt and second guess myself when participating in a conversation that consists of different perspectives in thinking and believing my perspective is less valid in relation to another whom I think and believe is more intelligent than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am inferior to someone who works in education
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt and second guess myself after I've already expressed myself in revealing how I let my mind get in the way of me simply expressing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if someone has more education than me than they are somehow a better human being and my perspective is invalid in conversation with them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to those who define themselves according to their intellect
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I do not require a PhD to understand basic common sense
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel intimated in conversation with others whom I deem to "know more" than me instead of realizing that while I have something to share, I also have something to learn and so to see those "others" as opportunities and gifts to get know this world better
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an automatic default setting of fear in relation to others wherein I simply see myself as less than and somehow incapable or lacking in relation to others instead of realizing that that is an accepted and allowed self-definition and so I can change it just as easily as I accept it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give others the authority over me as they can be the author in this story of life but I cannot add my own aspects of the story without realizing I am here too, I am part of this whole and this whole can be nourished equally from my input
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back so much so because I think and believe my addition doesn't matter instead of realizing I have always been and will always be a +1
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which I am equal to and one with all things, as everything and the consequences of that in deed
When and as I see myself doubting and second guessing myself based on who I am conversing with I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I have the tendency to inferiorize myself in relation to others, especially when it comes to intellect, and so I commit myself to change my self-definition to be from lacking/incapable to valid and able
I commit myself to change myself from fearing others to being encouraged by others as others are ME showing me different aspects of me
I commit myself to trust myself in my moments of expressing as I have put in the time and effort and physical labor to understand basic common sense and what is best for all and that I can count on when I express myself
I commit myself to slow myself down in moments of expressing to ensure I am present and not reacting in my words so that I can be sure that I can stand by that which I say/express
I commit myself to see others as my equals
I commit myself to stop defining myself as intellectually lacking and rather intellectually unique as who I am and my expression
I commit myself to stop living in fear, holding myself back and to rather inset myself in the story of life in sharing a perspective that is in fact best for all
Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:
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