681: When Others Take Their Frustrations out on You
Today at work I had an interesting experience with someone. I work from home at the moment, for a law firm and I am constantly communicating with other law offices/legal assistants. This particular email communication with another legal assistant from a different law office was interesting because in almost 4 years of working in this firm/industry, I have yet to have someone be so outwardly rude to me.
After her, I will call "outburst", I responded simply and to the point what our objective was and left it at that. But within me there was much more happening. Working in law one learns to stick to the point, communicate directly, don't included unnecessary information in the discussion and so that is what I did. But inside I was so shocked and surprised in a way. And after the communication ended I kept thinking about her email/outburst.
And 10 minutes went by and I was still experiencing myself as startled and even assaulted in a way. There was this humming of a vibration in my chest where clearly emotions were moving within me. I was composed on the outside but inside my boat was a rocking.
So as I noticed myself continuing to participate in thoughts in my mind that were like potential "play outs" of our interaction, for example if I had responded a different way or how her communication would look down the road if it ever ended up in court, or just going back over what she said and how I responded... I decided I needed to slow myself down, breathe and attempt to let go of this reaction.
And while yes I was reacting I was also seeing some cool points of consideration that supported me to let it go. I could see in her words how she felt overwhelmed with her own work load and was projecting that frustration out on me. I could see that she was embarrassed for implying she did not have some information she did actually have - I could see that what she was saying in an email directed to me was not actually about me. I was simply the person she was taking her frustrations out on. And this realization helped me to stop and let go. She also eventually wrote back apologizing for "being rude" as she put it and I did my best to let it be then and there.
So while I see I composed myself in a mostly effective way in terms of not 'participating' in emailing her back within a reaction, I kept it quite practical and direct, yet there was still lots of stuff happening inside of me that I can clear up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel assaulted and abused when others take their frustrations out on me as taking what they are saying or even who they are in such a moment personally as thinking and believing I have done something wrong or I am being targeted for who I am instead of realizing that it's not about me and so I don't have to take it personally - I don't have to victimize myself in the energy being thrown at my from another person - I can actually let it roll over me like water on a duck's back
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a default reaction of having emotions stirred within me when facing conflict - especially when feeling like I'm being attacked or someone has a problem with me - wherein I really just want to keep the peace in fear of conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in the face of conflict with adrenaline of wanting to fight or flight - having an actual physical response to another's words and wanting to act according to what they say
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to practice my breathing immediately when I see my mind activate with reacting to what just happened with another person - wherein I play out different scenarios of our interaction and possible ways it could go from there
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that whenever I'm in my mind analyzing what just happened, as a conflictual interaction with another, I am usually framing it in a way where I am coming out as the right one or the victim and essentially the other person is to blame or at fault
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it doesn't matter what anyone says to me - who I am in the moment and the moments that follow is what matters and is what I am 100% responsible for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have to react to another if they project their frustrations out on me
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can not be effected, at all, in any way whatsoever, by other people's words or deeds and that I can in fact have directive power of/as myself in every moment
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question this belief within myself and others that suggest we must get offended or hurt by other people taking their frustrations out on us instead of realizing that I would rather create a different way to be in such a moment as understanding WHY the person is frustrated and taking it out on me
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the power I have in any given moment, in any given situation, within and as the breath/me breathing
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize my breathing more effectively to remain present and aware of myself in any given moment, especially those moments where I am challenged and want to automatically act out my reactions of emotions and feelings where I'm either a victim or blaming someone, or judging something - where I am essentially without understanding of the consequences of what humans have become and how we interact with each other
When and as I see myself reacting as emotions in my body and seeing my mind running wild with possible scenarios in relation to a conflict that just happened between me and another, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that that response is an automatic response and is me not HERE or AWARE in the moment as directive principle of/as myself and so I commit myself to stop myself in that moment and no longer allow myself to play out the same old program of how I react to conflict with others. I rather commit myself to exist within awareness and understanding of not taking anything personal, realizing others have a lot of shit they deal with too, as the consequence of who we are and our world system, and that if I react I am only validating the conflict or even escalating it which I refuse to do and so I further commit myself to stand within my power to remain stable and clear in the moment through/with/as my breathing
I commit myself to question myself when my mind is attempting to make myself right or win or better than others
I commit myself to be aware of myself in what's going on within my mind
I commit myself to deescalate conflict with others by not reacting to another's reaction
I commit myself to not take things personally
I commit myself to take responsibility for who I am in how I respond, in thought, word and deed, in the face of conflict.
Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:
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