Kristina's Journey to Life

Last week I was placed into a position I did not expect, and in a way resisted for quite some time. Someone close to me was going through some problems and I was one of the main people in their life to 'pick up the slack' in a way - to step in and take responsibility for aspects of this person's life that they were no more able to do anything about as their situation left them immobile for the time being. I started writing about this situation immediately and my experience within me and I saw this statement within me of "Why should I help?" Fueling this statement was another statement of, "they would never support me like this." And when facing this within myself through my writing, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I was existing in this statement within a point of spite - I deliberately did not want to assist this being simply because I didn't see them capable of supporting me in the same manner, or that they wouldn't, simply be...

Continuing with the self-commitment and corrective statements in relation to my  previous blog ... When and as I see myself approaching daily blogging within a starting point of getting it done as quickly as possible, and wanting to get it over with as soon as possible, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is due to me not directing myself through a resistance to daily blogging and so accumulated this resistance that then influence how I approach it when I do decide to write a blog. I commit myself to realizing and understanding that this is my creation and consequence of what I accept and allow as a resistance as well as committing myself to re-direct my approach/starting point of blogging to be that of slowing down, and allowing myself to embrace the moment as me writing through breath When and as I see myself writing a blog within the speed of my mind, as simply pulling knowledge and information out of me, to place the words as quickly as possible,...

To continue form yesterday’s blog – the main points being a reaction I saw of self-judgment consisting of blaming myself for being a ‘cheerleader/motivational speaker’ that speaks nice words, but are not grounded in physical reality. Further in my writings , seeing that this reaction was stemming from two sources – first being that I do not allow myself to stop , breathe and slow myself down as I write my blog, instead I generally grab a point or topic I can write about and quickly get it done as fast as I can, like pulling of a band-aid or something. Which is funny, because blogging is not such a painful experience, yet I do see how a resistance formed to daily blogging has in a way influenced my approach to it, which is get it done and through it as quickly as possible. As if that is the point – to just produce the blog. When in reality the process as a whole, each moment as each word, is what matters. And since I am just usually rushing through the writing process, I am not ‘h...

After writing and publishing last night’s blog I noticed a familiar reaction come up within me. Often I go into self-judgment where I will feel as though my writings are too abstract, or not grounded/concrete enough and I end up just sounding like a cheerleader or motivational speaker – simply speaking words that have no real basis or understanding in practical, physical reality. Later what I realized is that the reason for this, is two points actually. The first being, that after reading some other blogs yesterday about ‘slowing down’ – I realized this is not something I really do with my blog. Like I never sit there for a moment, take a deep breath in and ‘see’ what is here for me to write. Often I go to blog about a point that I've decided upon earlier in the day or evening, which is fine, though I notice it’s within this rushing experience of like, ‘Oh great – got my blog point, okay now MOVE.’ And so what happens is I go into writing the blog, and I’m just so quick w...

About 50 blogs ago I shared a list of Principles that were my Declaration of how I am and would continue to Live my Life . Being that I have done some blogs now looking at the word Purpose and how I've related to the word and how I committed myself to Living a Life of Principles, as I see being the starting point for living Purpose, I see now would be as good of time as any to walk through those Principles, one by one, looking at each in how I am understanding it, how I live it, whether I am actually living it, and how I am able to implement them in my living actions. So let's just get right into it. The first principle listed in The Desteni of Living is 'Realizing and Living my utmost Potential'. For me I have come to see this principle to mean that I have for all of my life lived in a way where I diminished myself in almost everything I do, based within who I was. The source of this self-diminishment existent within my thoughts, feelings and emotions - basica...

A cool point I saw after writing yesterday's blog is that while I saw the Desteni Group, and the work being done from people all over the world, and the Process of Changing Ourselves being that point of Purpose I had been waiting for in my Life , with it opening up again Here, at this time and stage in our Process, I am able to see that while Yes, the work I do with Desteni, and the process I walk as the Journey to Life is a purpose I am grateful to have and able to practice as I have seen the changes within myself that I couldn't imagine without such a point - I am still separating myself from Purpose as it's been coming from Desteni as a Whole - that Desteni gave me that point of Purpose and so from that perspective, I have still not LIVED Purpose as Myself, I have still used some external force to move me within Purpose. So a cool point because now I am here able to re-align myself within Living Purpose, harnessing it from within myself, creating and defining it for...

Purpose. This has always been something I felt has escaped me, like I never really had a purpose in life . It was essentially a waiting game wherein I thought that my purpose would some how miraculously appear to me one day, and I just had to be ready for it. Growing up I never really 'knew' what i wanted to do - I knew what was in a way expected from me in society, yet I never had that real drive towards anything - besides a modeling and acting career that after some years of pursuing, I decided was not something I actually wanted to do. This was a purpose programmed through external influences that told me, and I accepted, as being a worthwhile purpose in Life. So besides the American dream of being rich and famous, I always felt a little lost in terms of what my purpose was. Yet due to my religious and spirituality thoughts and beliefs, I knew there was a purpose for me in this Life, yet I didn't have any fricken idea what it is. Then I came across the Desteni i...

Continuing from the previous blog's self-forgiveness: When and as I see myself resisting certain aspects, relationships and responsibilities within my day to day living, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the resistances I experience towards things, people, aspects or parts of my life and day to day living are in fact my creation and sustained through my own acceptance and allowance. And so I commit myself to instead direct myself and change myself in relation to the particular aspect/point as well as take responsibility to not allow such resistances to play out into a manifested consequence such as allowing myself to avoid these things with napping When and as I see myself resisting anything or anyone within/as this world and reality, as well as anything within/as my day to day living, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is in fact Me resisting Me as the principle of Equality and Oneness - being that I am Equal to and One w...

Self-Forgiveness in relation to my previous blog : I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships within my life that are of resistance, wherein I resist certain aspect, relationship and responsibilities within my day to day living, instead of directing myself or changing myself in relation to the particular aspect/point and to within this creation of mine, not take responsibility but to instead allow it to play out into a manifested consequence (symptom) of my avoidance as napping I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that to resist anything within/as this world and reality, as well as any aspect or part of my day to day living is to in fact me resisting ME within the principles of equality and oneness - I am equal to and one with ALL that I resist, avoid and run away from I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can just stop any and all habits or points w...