Kristina's Journey to Life

This point is in relation to starting to see the extent of the iceberg that exists under the surface and the real me underneath, where I exist within desire for males as relationship and sex. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within separation of males as defining them within my mind as either ‘my type or not’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see males as only a means to have a relationship and sex I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the equality that exists as me with males – as we are equally here, human beings, breathing the same air, requiring food, water and shelter and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a special relationship within my mind based on energy wherein I define males as only a relationship partner I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I see a male, judge them based within my self created acceptance of ‘what m...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when having accumulated things to take care of, in moments of not pushing through a resistance, and thus allowed myself to put it off for another moment/later time go into the character of “I will get ALL of this done on this day” wherein I go into my mind and make a list of all the things I will be able to do on a more suitable day where I am not having to run around the city to work or school and thus believe I will then get all the stuff I have accumulated done, and within this creating an energetic experience of myself of “feeling good” wherein I give myself approval for telling myself I will do all this stuff and then feel good about the idea of doing all this stuff – when in reality I have not physically lived it and thus proving that the mental reality is an illusion that has no impact on physical reality I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience of positivity with...

This point is in relation to putting off school work, not dealing with it when the time is necessary and the justifications I make up for it in my Mind I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off doing the studies I required within the belief that “I’m still doing well in school” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reasons as to why I put off doing my studies for the last minute within the back chat of “I am getting good grades” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to doing school work and thus when the time comes for me to sit down and do what needs to be done for my classes, separate myself from the moment of breath and go within my mind and participate/validate the resistance with back chat of, “I’m doing well in school, I can put this off for later, I’m still getting good grades” instead of realizing that as life, school is a process of accumulation, and whether I am allowi...

In this post, I take a look at the experience of blaming another as the reason to why I am the way that I am. Wherein I live behaviors that I realize are not best for me, but instead of directing and thus taking responsibility, go into blaming another for myself. Which is obviously insane. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for the reason and being of myself, my nature I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame what I have seen within/from another as the reason/cause/source origin of why I am they way that I am and why I am who I am I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this blaming of another as the reason/cause/source/origin of why I am and how I am the way that I am, abdicate my self responsibility to myself – to my life, to what I accept and what I allow within myself and within my life, how I live I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this abdication of...

The other day was my day to moderate the desteni forum. What I saw, and have seen as a pattern – is every time I get to a post that I define as ‘long’ or ‘beyond’ something I can support – I will not moderate or offer any support. What I see within these moments is – looking at the post, then the future projection within my mind is of me taking on each statement/sentence/point that someone has written – and I will be addressing each point. And then within this, the reaction arise that it will ‘take to long’ and then I give up before I even try – or am not at all giving what I have already received –which is the time and support others gave to me unconditionally while I was just starting out walking this process. And so not considering, again others, or standing in their shoes, but only considering myself in the moment. Also I see a point of not trusting myself to actually be able to support – wherein I still define myself as inferior or ‘less then’ others within process, through...

This post is in relation to a point I experienced wherein I was judging my life and my day to day routine as boring, without the awareness of the impact my actions have in living consistency and stability. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my life as boring I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my day to day living as boring I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so addicted to the energies of highs and lows that I produce through thinking and occupying myself with my mind, that i have defined being here, breathing and committing to daily responsibilities that are best for me to be boring I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the energies I produce with the act of thinking wherein I become consumed and possessed by thoughts , feelings , emotions , memories, future projections - all things self interested in pursuing my happiness, that when I stop and living day...

Recently I sat down with a math instructor to go over some math material as review because I am unable to make it to the tutor training sessions during the week, as I am in class during those times . She gave me some “constructive criticism” – and said that, lol – specifically, to take a breath before I speak when working on problems – as she said I seemed to react to quickly to thinking I don’t know how to do something. And within this – I can see this is helpful and I can use as support for me, as I do think I am not effective enough in math to tutor another, or fear I will not know something when helping another student. So support coming from all areas of my life and can be applied in all areas as well... Stop, breathe and become aware of myself before proceeding with word or action. Do not live as a reaction, instead live in self honest, self awareness to realize all the self judgments are self created and thus useless to live effectively. I forgive myself that I have accepted...

This blog is in relation to a point I see within myself, wherein I will 'need' something, such as a motivation, to move myself. Specifically it's when I am faced with a resistance to do something, and I have, in that moment a choice to make - either walk through the wall I have created, or give in, accept it and just give up on the task at hand, in the moment. I can see where, one of the "reasons" or motivations I use to "push through the resistance" is a reward for completing a task, such as "feeling good about myself for getting this thing done". I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive energetic experience within myself of "feeling good about myself" when I am faced with a resistance to doing/completing something, as a reason/purpose for me to get this thing done - instead of it being a decision within and as myself as self honesty of what is required to be done in the moment I forgive myse...

Seeing a reaction of self judgments to/towards my body and within this exist within the starting point of "desire to be thin" as the decision to work out I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical body and it's shape/form I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the starting point of self judgment projected onto my body, desire to 'work out'/exercise within the desire to make this feeling of 'being fat' go away, without considering the reasons for why I am in judgment of my body in the first place, and thus only accepting the self definition of being fat within then working out because of this as a way I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work out within the desire to "look good" based on a picture/image within my mind that i have accepted as the definition of "looking good", not realizing it has been programmed into me through family, friends, me...

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all experiences I have within me, wherein I experience conflict and judgments within myself in relation to my living and my world, is but a point of support to show me what it is I have not directed in my life and thus I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to use myself as a point of support, showing to me that which still requires my attention and direction I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others/something outside of me to show/tell me how to live, what to do, and how to change myself/correct myself - always looking for a solution for myself/my life, yet never willing to see the solution within the problem and thus realizing the simplicity of being the change I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I experience within me that I allow to cause me conflict and turmoil is my creation, and thus I have the ability and pow...