14 June 2013

198 - Starting Point for Creating a Blog

I am continuing here from my previous blog, Day 197: The Starting Point as Moment of Creation and I am going to apply self forgiveness for the points I see are within the writing.

What I first see is, "I noticed one being's blog and then another's, connected these two blogs together and according to how I saw/defined them, from there decided I "wanted" to write a blog"

This indicate my starting point for 'wanting' to write a blog was within desire - and what I am coming to see/realize/understand is that desire stems from, or comes from the starting point of fear. And when I look within myself, in that moment, yes that is where I was 'coming from'. I reacted to these two blogs sitting next to each other. lol - sounds ridiculous, but from there I compared myself, assumed something,  projected some alternate reality within my mind and then decided, "I must write a blog." Because I did not like what I was 'seeing' as my reaction, yet I was validating my reaction because I accepted it, as what I saw, accepted it was real and that point alone moved me to write a blog - to make myself more than another, to ensure I was visible and was not out of sight, meaning - I went into competition with another in attempt to 'win' something. This something is ownership and possession. Wow - a lot here in just one statement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within myself when seeing two blogs in my daily blog list

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an automatic response as a reaction within my mind when seeing these two blogs in my list

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ideas and assumptions about the two blogs in my list

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea and alternate reality as a 'hidden meaning' of seeing two blogs in my list and from here go into fear, fear of how I was associating/connecting the two blogs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as I write these self forgiveness for the points I see within/as myself within this point - judging myself as silly and ridiculous for having these reactions - instead of taking responsibility for myself and not judging myself, but accepting what I have created as me and walk the process of self forgiveness and self correction because I see/realize/understand it is ridiculous to have such reactions - to have the existence within my mind as a view point and assumption for every little thing that I see - so I do not judge myself, instead face it with self honesty and walk the process of correcting it so it longer influence/exist within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I was seeing within my mind as the reaction to seeing two blogs in my list

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a connection between the two blogs I was seeing in the list

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the connection I allowed as how I saw the two blogs in my list

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move into jealousy as a reaction for the two blogs I saw in my list

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move into comparison as a reaction to the two blogs I saw in my list

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to formulate a self definition of myself as 'who I am' within reaction as jealousy and competition in relation to the two blogs I saw in my list

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then move into competition when seeing the two blogs in my list

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I was losing something within how I defined/saw/perceived the two blogs in my list and from here attempt to 'win back' what I apparently was losing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within competition, desire to win that which I believe I have ownership of and is my possession

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened within/as a reaction in my mind in seeing two blogs in my list

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to, within this 'feeling threatened', want to assert some kind of power and thus leading to the decision as my starting point to write a blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'want' to write a blog within/as the starting point of jealousy, fear, desire, comparison, competition, feeling threatened and thus attempting to assert my power

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to 'want' to write a  blog within/as a starting point of separation as dishonesty - as I was clearly not self directive in the decision to write a blog. but instead fighting for my perceived survival as my ego in how I define myself and others

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'want' to write a blog within/as the starting point of fear - fear of not being visible or not being seen and how others might see me because of this

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'want' to write a blog within/as the desire to present myself for others to see/perceive and define me as something in separation of who I really am

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to 'want' to write a blog within/as the starting point of jealousy, in being jealous of another being for writing a specific blog and to within this, want to write a blog out of my jealousy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'want' to write a blog within/as the starting point of comparison - as comparing myself to another being and their blog as seeing them as 'better' than me for writing a specific blog and it's placement within the list and from here decide I must also write a blog in attempt to 'bring myself up' and 'not accept' the feeling I was actually accepting as feeling threatened

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'want' to write a blog within/as the starting point of feeling threatened, where through my acceptance and allowance of jealousy and comparison, feel I was being threatened, instead of realizing it was all in my mind - it was not real at all, I was making it all up, yet I validated this existence as me through moving myself from/as this starting point of 'feeling threatened' and so attempting to regain my perceived power I thought I was losing in the experience of being threatened

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'want' to write a blog within/as the starting point of competition - in thinking and believing I must 'win' as being better than another through/as my blogs, instead of realizing that I am only trying to 'get back' the power I believe I have lost, but in fact given away through my own acceptance of competition as creating conflict within myself towards another and not allowing myself to realize that this it NOT what my journey to life is about - yet it is about seeing/facing this within me as the nature I have accepted of myself and to no longer allow it as the statement of who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not clear myself as the decision, each day, I make to write a blog, as a self commitment within my self agreement in walking my process of self transformation - so always moving myself within a point of self directed honesty as self movement to be here for me, to support me, to change me, to get to know me, to change my nature as what I have accepted and allowed as I see/realize/understand that what exists within me in not what is best for all or best for me or best for others, it is of separation, self interest and deceit and so I commit myself to walk my process of investigating myself as the starting point of who I am in each moment as each decision I make to take an action or not, to speak certain words or not, to be who I am that is of/as the starting point that is always coming from what is best for all, as self honesty, self directed equality and oneness here as each breath.

When and as I see myself moving myself from/as the starting point of fear, desire, jealousy, comparison, competition, feeling threatened and an attempt to assert some kind of power as proving myself to something or someone, I stop and I breathe and I do not allow myself to move from/as these points. Instead I stop and I breathe and I allow myself to clear myself with either writing out the points or applying self forgiveness or breathing myself until I see that that is no longer the reason as the decision from which I move as I see/realize/understand that the outflow consequences of this only support and perpetuate the current existence/nature of myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, which is of separate and self dishonesty and so I no longer allow myself to move from this point, instead I commit myself to walk my process of self investigation, self forgiveness and self commitment to always move myself within/as the starting point of/as principles that are best for all within realizing that if a reaction or feelings or emotions or ideas or anything that is of the mind is moving me that I am just a slave and not self directed as me, here as the breath of/as life, and so I commit myself to bringing myself to the point to always stand within/as the starting point of life of equality and oneness as the decision I make in this life to commit myself to this process, to this journey back to the original starting point as the creation of myself into/as this world and change it to be that which is in/as the starting point of real life, here in this physical reality, equal and one with/as all that is here



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