20 April 2012

Day 6 - "There is no Forgiveness..."

"There is no Forgiveness... there is only SELF Forgiveness"

I have heard this statement before and only now I realize what it means.

I was having reactions within myself to day in relation to a family member and the point I found myself participating within was, "He doesn't deserve my forgiveness" and the experience of regret for allowing him the opportunity to hurt me. Within this - my ego was bruised as I felt I made a mistake and was very much in blame of him and his actions and reactions towards me wherein I attempted to uplift myself as superior to him - and as a way to protect myself - within believe I have the power to forgive him or not. I was also unclear within myself about this point and what was actually goin on within me - not clear where my self honesty was and where my deception as ego was.

So the one point I can take/see within this is... I am not able to forgive anyone until I have forgiven myself. As to forgiven another is to claim to have power over them and their experience - when in fact I have no control over this - I only have control over who I am, what I participate within and what I will allow within myself and my world. What I don't allow is myself to continue project myself onto other - and so- I take this back to myself.

Why can't I forgive myself?
Why do I believe I am unworthy of forgiveness?
Why do I attempt to impose my power onto myself through believe I have nothing to forgive?

I know it's allways about me and so this point of 'not being able to forgive him' is a definition within myself wherein I beleive I am not able to forgive myself. Wherein I define myself as unworthy of forgiveness and thus I hold myself captive within myself believe I am unable to let go - to unconditionally let go of myself - for my life lived, actions walked, words spoken - acceptances and allowance.

I realize - until I am able to forgive myself, I will not be free and I will not be Life. Because this whole world is showing to us - We Need to Forgive Ourselves. Only then can we create a world that is Best for All. Until then - we are attempting to believe there is nothing to forgive and within this we ignore ourselves and allow ourselves to exist in ignorance where we believe we have have bliss. This is unacceptable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as unworthy of forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as not being able to be forgive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe forgiveness comes form someone outside/separate form me here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect another to forgive me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can forgive another before I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to have power and control over another through the act of forgiveness and define one as unable to be forgiven instead of realizing I am accepting this within myself -accepting myself as unable to be forgiven

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I will never be able to unconditionally forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to hide from forgiveness and believe forgiveness is that which I give to another - instead of realizing it is only that which I can in fact give to myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep myself chained within myself as self hate and self judgment and fear of self for who self as become - instead of allowing myself to realize the power of self forgiveness - wherein I have the ability to release myself to my own self created bondage as spite - and am able to forgive myself - let myself go and recreate myself into that which is best for all - I DO NOT HAVE TO HOLD ONTO WHO I HAVE BECOME

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my unwillingness to forgive onto another

I forgive myself that I haven't yet allowed myself to forgive myself unconditionally in every moment as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe there is another way to change oneself besides SELF forgiveness - as I realize there is not. Due to what is currently here as this world - I realize the only way 'out' is through forgiving ourselves and without this - we are denying ourselves within taking no responsibility for what we have crated as the separation we are

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as living self forgiveness

I commit myself to forgiving myself

I commit myself to walking the process of self forgiveness as I realize this is the only way to change ourselves - this world

I commit myself to stop the projections of myself onto others through believing I have power over another instead of realizing the only power I have within/as me as every breath I breathe

I commit myself to stop the expectation of forgiveness from another and I start giving to myself that which I desire - SELF FORGIVENESS

I commit myself to realizing that I cannot forgiven another - I am only ever able to forgive myself

When and as I see myself existing within the ego of attempting power and control over others through giving or with-holding forgiveness - I stop and I breathe - bring myself within the realization that breathing is living self forgiveness as I am being honest with myself for the first time as life and thus allow myself to realize I am not able to forgive another - there is no forgiveness - there is only self forgiveness - and thus I allow myself within this to forgive myself for attempting to have power and control over myself through giving or with holding forgiveness from myself - I commit myself to GIVE it to Me

When and as I see myself believe I can forgive another - I stop and I breathe - bringing myself back within the realization that I am only ever able to forgive myself and until I can forgive myself I will not be able to forgive another - as all are me and thus first I must forgive myself in order for the forgiveness of another to be real

When and as I see myself expecting another to forgive me - I stop and I breathe - bringing myself back to the realization that I am only able to forgive myself and thus I commit myself to giving myself that which I seek from another - self forgiveness

When and as I see myself resisting/avoiding facing and thus forgiving myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become - I stop and I breathe realizing this process of seeing within self as honesty and thus forgiving self for the parts self has accepted within separataion of self as life - and so I commit myself to seeing/facing/forgiving myself within writing and the spoken word - living these words as I realize we as humanity require forgiveness.



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