Kristina's Journey to Life

28 December 2017

567: Layers of Self, Patience, and the Process

Don't be so quick to assume what you experience on a conscious level of your own mind is the real story, and don't be so quick to quit when you are not seeing the results you are looking for in anything you do. This process, life, understanding yourself, developing yourself, changing yourself, creating yourself takes TIME and so within that, our patients to see it through completely.




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19 December 2017

566: Freedom From the Need for Approval

Decided it was time to step out of my comfort zone... It's been long overdue and it may just prove to be more practical for the moment. So here we go. Vlog time.







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16 December 2017

565: Desteni and the Potential

 A few weeks ago I was at the bank to deposit some money for a client. While I was there, the person behind the counter stopped what she was doing to mention that if the person who was receiving the deposit was not physically in the bank, they would not be able to transfer/wire the funds anywhere. She then explained to me the reason for such a rule, which seems obvious, yet something else came up within me in this moment.

To consider the reasons why there are so many 'security checks' at banks - how we will not trust someone calling in asking for money to be wired to another account - is because there are people in this world who would try and take money from someone else if such an opportunity presented itself. Now we could go off into the direction of exploring and understanding why someone would attempt to take money that is not theirs, but rather here I want to explore another direction of this. There is distrust in this world... we do not trust each other because we deceive each other. There are security checks in all that we do because we have proved to ourselves over and over again we should not trust each other because we will lie, steal and cheat each other.

What I could see for myself in this consideration is that it's completely unnecessary. I participate with a group online that consists of people from all over the world where, if they made up the whole world - everyone that existed on this Earth - security checks would not be necessary because there is trust. How so? Because each practice SELF-responsibility and SELF-honesty and SELF-trust where we understand the golden rule of 'do unto another as you would have done unto yourself' and so we do not act in ways that would harm or deceive another.

The fact that this is what Desteni is all about is remarkable yet also oh so natural... think about it... through my 10 year participation within the group, and walking the principles in my own daily life, I have created within myself and others absolute trust where I do not fear being lied to or cheated or deceived in any way - I trust anyone within the group with my life because I/we honor life and so each other.

That is the actual potential within humanity... where we do not need to FEAR each other. We can actually trust each other. For those not walking the Desteni principles, or who have never heard of them, can you say for yourself that you can imagine a world where there is no need to 'protect' yourself from another because you know you can trust others? That no one would harm you or abuse you? Can you conceive of such a world?

I can because of Desteni. And if you want to, investigate, investigate, investigate!! The Desteni of this World is Absolute Trust.


















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09 September 2017

564: Are we FREE?

Free. What does it mean to be free? How do you define 'free'? What if you found out how you defined the word free actually enslaved you to an experience that is lesser than your full potential?

In some previous writings, it was revealed that I equate being thin with being free and through this I realized free is a word that I can redefine and actually LIVE for myself through my actions and so no longer limit its definition to be only of a picture in my mind of what free is, which at the moment is a specific body type as being thin.

If you are new to the idea of redefining and living words, there is a facebook page dedicated to sharing one's process with redefining words, as well as many videos on youtube explaining the process as well. You can check that out here and here.

Essentially I came to know about redefining and living words many years ago and was walking a process with it for quite some time, taking on many words that I wanted to live and express myself and in my life. I, however, as mentioned in a previous blog, faced some resistance more recently to the process though as I shared, when facing resistances, the only way through it is to actually walk through it - do that which you resist. And so let's begin.

I want to first start this process with some self-forgiveness on my current definition of the word free as through self-forgiveness I have come to find is where the gems of insights and realizations exist. The more you do the self-forgiveness on a particular point/topic, the more you are uncovering the ideas and beliefs and self definitions and as you apply each line, it's like another layer is remove and what you have left is the truth, raw, and real points that leave one self-empowered to actually direct oneself and one's life and one's relationship to things/people/relationships to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word free to be an image in my mind of a slender/thin body of a woman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word free to be of an image in my mind and not a living action I can take and express

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I were thin, then I would be free and so within this realizing that if I am not thin as how I have defined it, then I am not free and so I have already enslaved myself within my own definition of the word FREE which in its essence means to be without restrictions/open/uninfluenced

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to a word that I've defined in limitation as free being an image in my mind that realistically I can NEVER live up to and so forever enslaving myself to this definition/image in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I were thin life would be so much easier

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I were to simply change how I define the word FREE, I could FREE myself from a limitation and a definition that at its core enslave me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that life is easier for those that are thinner and to think and believe that people who are not thin have a more difficult time/life experience instead of realizing that through my acceptance and allowance of such an idea/definition, I am perpetuation that very way of thinking to exist - and not just in myself, in all others as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reinforce an idea within society that thin is being better than fat and thus fuel a comparison, judgment, and shame for all people as then we are constantly attempting to be something we think is good, and not wanting to be something we think is bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a reality where body type is revered as something greater in value than WHO a person is

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not yet realize that through my own definition of the word FREE, I am not actually free as I am forced to follow an idea as a picture image in my mind of what free is, and in that force to feel a certain way if I am not that

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to chain myself to the belief that woman have to be one shape and size and anything more than that is no longer appealing, is difficult and challenging and is somehow inferior

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to sustain the idea within myself and others that the shape of one's body matters more than who the being is within their body

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to free myself from my own mental slavery as the images I hold within my mind of what I believe I should look like instead of accepting, embracing and caring for the body I have/am

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to project the idea that others want me to be thinner and if I was, I would be more interesting and appealing to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave my express/beingness/character/personality to be according to the shape of my body in thinking if I were thinner I would be more expressive and more fun and more interesting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrict myself in how I would like to live to be based on the shape of my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate expressing myself freely and unconditionally because of an idea that I am not thin enough/appealing enough and so I should not draw any attention to myself

When and as I see myself thinking and believing I am a failure because I cannot live up to an image in my head of what it means to be free, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that in my definition of the word free, I have in fact enslaved myself and limited myself to express myself openly and unconditionally and without changing my definition I will never free myself from the images within my mind and so I commit myself to remove these images in my mind of what it means to be free as having a thin body and rather embrace the body I have - the physical matter I am made up of and to focus rather on WHO I AM IN MATTER as my physical body as that is absolutely what matters most

I commit myself to stop perpetuating the idea within this world that to be thin is to be free and instead expand my definition of the word FREE to be a living action that I can express daily in who I am

I commit myself to explore how I can live and define the word free that is best for me and so for others

I commit myself to free myself from the definition of the word free I currently have that actually enslaves me



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06 September 2017

563: Resistance and Redefining Words

And so continuing with walking through this resistance to redefining words with the support of self-forgiveness which allows me to gift of self-empowerment, to change my perspective, and understanding of myself and who I am in relation to resistances, and redefining words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist redefining words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea that I just resist redefine words and make this a part of my story as a self-definition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a resistance to redefining words for quite some time instead of moving through the resistance as I see I am able and ultimately what must be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up when facing a resistance to redefining words and not move that extra bit to walk through the resistance as I realize it's possible and can be done, I must only make the decision to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate when facing resistance instead of yes acknowledging that it's here, but still consistently move through, like breathing, in and out, in and out, a constant flow that sustains me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist redefining words as the ultimate source to who I am in relation to my world - to people, things, circumstances, and situations - realizing that if I were to change how I define words, I would change myself, my actions, my experience and so my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define redefining words has hard work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist hard work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist putting in the extra effort necessary to walk through resistance, without realizing that the first step is always the hardest, but as I've seen for myself, once you decide to do something, and you physically MOVE yourself to do it, soon the resistance release and you are here, as you always were

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the resistance to redefining words and use it as an excuse and justification to stop the process of changing/redefining myself in relation to my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by definitions of the past where I give in too quickly, or don't push myself hard enough, or buckle in the face of something difficult instead of practicing LIVING the WORD disciplined, and steadfast and determined to get this done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for stopping at the face of resistance as thinking I've failed instead of realizing that a baby does not see it'self as a failure when it falls starting to walk and so realizing what it takes to learn, to develop, and to grow and expand is to KEEP TRYING and not see it as a fail just a fall that I can easily pick myself up from again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my resistance to redefining words as allowing it to determine what I do and don't do

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the potential and power within my own awareness and presence and ability to make a decision to physically move and act to become and live the word that I choose to live like free

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize that the process of redefining words is ultimately the point of removing resistances from me where I can stand in any moment with anyone in any circumstance and KNOW who I am as I have DEFINED me for myself and not allowed my mind of emotions and feelings based in fear and self-interest determine/define who I am

When and as I see myself resisting redefining words, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that resistances are of support in seeing exactly where I must go as it is a self-created boundary and limit I have imposed on myself and so I am the only one that can remove it and go beyond it and so I commit myself to facing, embracing and walking through my resistances to redefining words as realizing it is the only way

When and as I see myself hesitate in the face of resistance, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that in my hesitation I am questioning my self-ability to be self-directive which can create consequences in the mind as the revenge of the ego to take over and so I commit myself to, in the face of hesitation and resistance, to breathe and embrace the resistance but to keep moving as the next breath, the next movement, the next moment, the next action - to stay aware of myself as my potential and power to direct me and define me

I commit myself to walk this redefining and living words process to purify the words I think and speak, and so live




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05 September 2017

562: Ego, Breath, and Consistent Self-Movement

The last three days have been insightful. After the last blog I wrote about seeing a word necessary to redefine and live a certain, familiar wall came up. I have for quite some time faced a lot of resistance to the process of redefining words, and this time was no different. And while I'm aware it's something I must simply walk through, that awareness didn't make it any easier, and I basically stopped for a moment. Like gathering myself in preparation of what I must do, which is walk through this resistance.

So while having this resistance and not moving through it directly, I also experienced a lot of 'fall backs' if you will in the past three days. The frustrations of not being a certain weight or having a certain look, and the judgments towards food and exercise, and the impatience to walk real change - basically everything I walked in my blogs last week - became a possession within me where most of my weekend my mind was consumed with losing weight, and not being satisfied with where I'm at.

I can say that walking with this point in the blogs last week did support with an underlying awareness of what I was facing, though I can still see there is a lot of work to be done in relation to this point. I also listened to a recording by Bernard Poolman that also very much clarified my experience. It's called "Revenge of the Ego" and the first part of this recording really hit home to what I was experiencing and supported me to see how to support myself.

And of course, always being the point, and so simply we might easily forget... the breath. The breath being key to constantly disengaging from the mind and being present/here with self where one has the most potential for being directive over one's emotions, feelings, and overall mental state. And for me specifically what I can see now as I write this is that in me missing that moment of the next day, and the next blog, and instead allowing myself to stop within the resistance, I gave room to the mind, to the ego to takes it revenge. It's like the in breath and the out breath, it's a constant, consistent movement, in and out, in and out. I missed the breath, as the day, as the blog, as the next step in the process I've been walking to sort myself out of this mess of a relationship I have with my body yet I gave in at the crucial moment of change and so sabotaged myself basically in allowing the flow as the journey to continue. I guess it's like a hiccup, a miss step, a miss-take. But of course you live and you learn. Now I know the importance of keeping it consistent, to keeping the movement of self going because if you are not moving you, then that leaves the mind to move you. Example: Idle hands are the devils playground.

Let the breathing and moving continue...




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02 September 2017

561: Thin = Freedom?

A couple of blogs ago I wrote an interesting statement - relating being thin/not fat to freedom. It was a subtle slip of words that I didn't necessarily know I even had as an association - but there it was, in my own words.

So here is an example of how we define words and according to that definition, we live words. So one dimension of the word freedom in how I define it was to be thin, not fat or overweight, and this definition is justified through images in my mind of certain body types that I defined that if one had, one was free.

But now what happens if we are not that - if we are not how we define the words, such as free? If I don't have or my body is not this certain body type in my mind that I define as 'free' then what would my experience be? I am not living the word free in its absolute, purest definition because I don't have this body type which I've equated to being free. And so explains the conflictual experience or part of it, I have to my body.

And so what can I do? Redefine the word. Make it livable. This is how we become creators. WE make a decision about what a word means - we make it practical, physical, and livable. What I've done with this word free for example is made it impractical - defined it according to my imagination, according to my comparisons, and my judgments and limited the word's definition in even equating it to having anything to do with my body shape. I've projected an idea onto other's I see with a certain body type, and I've accepted this idea that 'they are free' because they have this body type. So I think that is freedom. But then I look at myself, and I don't have that body type. So I'm not free?

So this is something I can do to empower myself in re-aligning myself to a relationship with my body that actually honors it, and aligns me to the word FREE in a practical, livable way. I will continue in the next blog opening up that redefinition process and see how I can start implementing the word FREE in my day to day living to no longer allow it to exist as a picture in my mind and instead bringing it into matter through my living actions.

**Check out the link below for SOUL to start getting to know this process of redefining and living words.



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