Posts

633: Hopeful Imaginations

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A point here of feeling quite disappointed from a play-out in my reality where the imagination and HOPE for it was completely different, and from that high expectation, the great fall into the negative...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create disappointment, as a super low, within myself because of having expectations as a future projection of how things were going to play out and charge it with extra strength positive energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give so much time and energy as an investment into my imagination of something to come and when it was not at all what I imagined and fantasized within me myself, feel foolish and disappointed and literally feel like falling within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get carried away within my imagination where I took an actual physical reality and imposed my own ideas and desires unto it that was not at all substantiated in reality but existed…

632: The Illusion of Inner Strength

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Today I listened to part 1 of a 6-part series about "inner strength" from Eqafe. I could absolutely relate to the recording as how I have in MANY moments throughout my life denied, lied, and suppressed how I actually experienced/felt in a moment just to "save face" as showing a presence of strength... because I have come to define my emotional experiences/reactions as a weakness.

Presently I see this mostly with my partner, where there will be a subtle reaction/conflict between us and as per usual, we will ask each other about it, and if my partner asks me if I reacted, I will say no as to appear stable. And this really bothers me because I know first hand how important it is to have a partner willing to be self-honest as a point of cross-referencing for you what you are seeing/looking at/experiencing yourself and if they deny in a moment what they are really experience, it can fuck with your ability to be able to see... So he will see a reaction within me, and in…

631: Sounding Self-Forgiveness

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One point that came up as I was coming to an end of the 30-day of self-forgiveness was to continue the journey with a 30-days of sounding self-forgiveness. This would be to speak the self-forgiveness out loud, sounding myself as the words, as the forgiveness, with my voice. I thought that would be a very cool point to walk as I also have hardly given myself the opportunity to really establish myself within my voice, and my sound.

What is interesting is one of the very first experiences I had with speaking self-forgiveness was quite radical in that I saw physically what I was moving within myself... how I was actually physically releasing these threads of information from myself, as giving up ideas, beliefs, self-definition, and limitations I've held onto for so long, and at the same time, experiencing this centering within myself, within the very core of myself. It was a remarkable experience because there was movement and substantiation with every line of forgiveness I spoke. Si…

630: You Can't Hide

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Someone recently said something to me that was kind of shocking to hear... they knew exactly how I felt about another person, without me ever having to say it directly. I in fact never did say it directly to anyone, yet somehow this person KNEW what I thought I was hiding, so perfectly may I add, within myself. Because while I had experiences that I defined as disliking someone, I never dared show that to them or others... or at least I thought I didn't...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I can hide who I am by not speaking my thoughts, without realizing my BODY and my PRESENCE Resonate exactly who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel negatively towards someone but to show them a positive face and to think within this I am hiding my real feelings instead of realizing we humans communicate on a much deeper level then the false face we show each other

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myse…

629: Prioritize Resistance

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One weakness I see I have that I can work on strengthening is prioritizing. At work and at home I notice certain tasks will come up and I tend to do them first, even if there are other tasks I've started that are more pressing, I tend to just go with what comes up in a moment and so I'm constantly putting off other things. Part of this weakness of not prioritizing effectively is due to a resistance where some of the tasks I put off are also ones that are more challenging to me where I am not as comfortable doing them or I don't have much experience within it so I resist it because it's unfamiliar. Though the awareness of the weakness is the first step in changing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not prioritize things that are more important than other things and instead do the jobs/tasks as they come to me instead of being willing to put those aside for a moment to do the more important/bigger/more pressing jobs

I forgive myself that I h…

628: Who Are You When the Internet Drops?

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A point here of the internet dropping for the day and not having access to what I perceive to be something of most value... and how in that internet dropping, I became stuck, not able to move into anything else because the dependency on the internet kept me checking if it was back on, and waiting for it to come back on - not at all embracing the day without the internet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependency on the internet where if it goes out for a bit, feel lost and unsure of what to do with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively towards the internet going out as a point of dependency so much of it it’s like someone taking away my life where I become annoyed because someone took away be ability to do things instead of realizing there is MUCH to do offline

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the internet to become a distraction where I want to spend more time online than offline

I f…

627: Life Trusts Me When I Trust Me

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Continuing with a point that's been opening up where certain potentials and responsibilities have opened up to me and while initially, I was hesitant and not really sure how I felt about the direction, I was still moving within and towards it. Another interesting point that I can see here is how although I have had hesitancy and doubt within me within these points, it's like Life is saying, 'Here - you are Ready, Trust yourself because I trust you."

And that is quite the consideration... I mean things don't move according to something unspecific or just randomly. I would not be offered the opportunities I have if I was not able to walk it and even though I may fear it, doesn't mean I'm not capable of creating the best from it. It's like even if I doubt myself it's a nice point of support to see Life doesn't doubt me and Life has given me doors to walk through.

Obviously it is what I make of it... who I am will absolutely determine how it will g…