Kristina's Journey to Life

04 July 2016

463: Thinking About it Only Gets you So Far...

Continuing from the previous blogs, the following are forgiveness statements, and corrections to be made when I see I am existing more in my mind, rather than in physical action to produce the change I would like to see. Practically assessing what it takes to make things happen, and putting the mind in it's proper place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see change within my mind, as something that happens instantaneous, instead of practically assessing what it takes to create change, what physical actions are required, and the effort along with it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life, think more about doing something, or changing something, rather than actually, physically doing it – within this, missing the key element of practical assessment in seeing what in real time I must do – the physical actions required to create or change that which I would like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to an idea or thought to create or change something, rather than the physical energy necessary to actually get it done, as the real value in that which physically manifests and creates change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through the years of practicing positive thinking, and the law of attraction, condition myself to focus more on the ideas and thoughts in my head that I want to change or create, rather than the physical actions necessary to do so… the only element that actually creates it and brings something into being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a fantasy world within my head of what I would like to do, or be, or become, or create, or change, rather than living practically, in the real world where action produce results

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think what exists within my mind as ideas are more important than the actual physical work, as the physical labor, and physical movement to create or change something

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to consider or even question why things do not move in my reality… without realizing I must move things in my reality through my own physical movement and application. A blog does not get written by thinking about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squander the time I have through thinking more about things to do rather than just simply doing them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to only think, rather than act

I forgive myself that I have not given myself the opportunity to re-train myself, to re-condition myself to physically act and move to create and change things and myself through giving more value to the mind as imagination

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider the physical reality of my ideas… of assessing whether what I would like to create, or change, is actually practical in my current situation, and if so… mapping out the steps required to get it done… as this is the step-by-step solution to creating. Seeing what it takes to get where you want to go, or to create what you want to create, or change what you want to change… and then physically taking those steps. Space and time, slowly but surely, actions produce results

When and as I see myself focusing more on my mind’s imaginations and ideas of what I would like to change, or create, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I have a tendency to think more than to act, missing the key element into what it means to be a creator, and to bring something into being… to actually bring it through into physical reality, which is through physical actions. I commit myself to ground myself out of the mind as thinking, and start practically assessing my goals, my wants, and my ideas of that which I would like to create and change… and to map out the steps necessary to do it thus here giving myself the real understanding of what is necessary to be done, and so the road ahead. I may not know how things turn out, though I can act as my guide, keeping myself remained in practical reality to see what is possible as my own potential




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28 June 2016

462: Desire for Quick Fixes and Instant Change

Continuing on from the previous blog where I discussed various points in relation to change and creation - the process, and the manifestation. Here and blogs to follow will be on the points I see needing some re-alignments and self-honest perspective to get me back on track in terms of living change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as wanting quick fixes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as expecting quick fixes and instantaneous change

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, and realize the physical space and time in how it works, and what it takes to create changes, and fixes, and to rather instead want things to move fast

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace the pace of breath by breath living as an exquisite opportunity to slow time down, and to work moment by moment and realizing all that can be accomplished, changed, created, and manifested with such time available

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that to want something to happen fast – to expect instant results, and quick fixes, is to exist within the mind – to start within a point of/as the mind which moves quantum speed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the pace in which humanity currently lives, which is seen through drive-thru food, instant streaming online, constant uploads of pictures and posts on the internet – that to expect such instant results in my process of physical space does not exist in the context of the quantum mind speed, but rather within physical space and time – slowly but surely, moment to moment, breath by breath, 1 plus 1 accumulating change…. Nature is an example. A tree grows and changes yet you don’t see it sprout and move fast… it is a slow but sure process of accumulation – day by day

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see nature as the example in which I can apply within my own life as the process of change, transformation, and growth… to do what I can each day to accumulate the change I would like to see, and the living application I see within and as my potential

When and as I see myself wanting and expecting quick fixes, and instantaneous change, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such a stance and starting point exists within/as the mind and so in separation of REAL physical space and time in how things actually are created, transformed, and changed…. Slowly but surely, moment to moment, breath by breath. And so I commit myself to ground myself within my physical body, within this physical existence, to walk equal to and one with what I see as nature… the slowly but surely accumulation of getting things done, of transformation, creation, and change. I commit myself to practice breath by breath living and slowing myself down to align with physical space and time and thus maximizing the opportunities I have as the time available breath by breath

I commit myself to see, realize, and understand and thus LIVE what it means to be physically grounded and aligned t physical reality as per the time it takes to change, transformation, and create

I commit myself to BE nature in how I apply and live myself

I commit myself to ground myself out of the mind, and into my physical body, my physical breath, as the real indicator of physical time and so what is possible when we utilize REAL time to the best of our ability




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21 June 2016

461: You Don't Have to be an Outsider - Invite Yourself In

Have you ever had that experience of being the outsider? Feeling excluded from the group, you just don’t fit it, and cannot connect as seemingly easy as others seem to do?

I have. Most of my life, as a child, a teenager, in my twenties, and even now and then I have this experience where I’m just on the outside of what others are ‘in on’. Like I somehow am the one looking in, standing outside of the group, or the conversation. The experience has varied throughout my life. In my twenties I suppressed the feeling by participating in social norms like going out drinking, and going to parties, putting on the facade of creating relationships with others, like I was a part of something, though of course, it wasn’t real and just pretend in a way to deny the actual experience which was when I was alone, or sober, I felt as if I wasn’t a part of anything really.

In the last few years an interesting realization came up though. I was standing again in a group setting, where I was a part of a group – there was work for us to do, relationships to build, different projects to partake in, and yet I still saw others as part of the click I didn’t get the special invite to. What I realized though in this situation was that it wasn’t actually them that were causing this feeling…. That they were not the problem, and I actually had the power to change this.

Here I was thinking others had it easy – they seem to socialize easier, were more comfortable in group settings, and in that, shined even so stood out among everyone. And so I felt excluded… that others paid more attention to other people. That I was on the outs because I wasn’t like the ‘cool’ kids (lol, like in school all over again). I suppose I was still playing the popularity game, and I wasn’t winning.

Again though, what I was to realize that there was nothing being done to me by the group. There was nothing the group was doing to specifically exclude me or make me feel like I was on the outside. There was nothing any one individual was even doing to make this my experience…. It was all inside of me. And so looking at this experience, and the situation I realized this….

If I wanted to be included, and no longer feel like I’m separated, or on the outs of the group, I had to include myself. I had to be the one to make the decision to approach the group, to engage in conversation, to be part of the discussion, and the various projects. I had to stand up and say hey, here I am, here is what I have the share. And it wasn’t about being the center of attention, or wanting others to notice me… it was simply realizing that I was the one causing, accepting, and allowing my own experience of being the outsider.

I essentially had to invite myself in.

So this was quite a cool point to realize… that I had the power to decide for myself to no longer be the outsider. To no longer participate in thoughts that suggested there was something wrong with me that others didn’t want to include me, or that there was something wrong with the group that made me feel like I wasn’t invited. I had the decision to be practical in seeing that if I wanted to be part of something, I would have to play my part – to include myself, to invite myself in.

This was the most supportive realization for me, nurtured by the responsibility I see I have to myself; to who I am, what I think, what I say, and how I act. I am fully, absolutely, in all ways responsible for myself, my experience, and so my expression and so if I want something to be different, or want something to change… I will have to be the one to do that. And so I did.

I made it a point to engage with others more, to not exclude myself based on an idea that I was not wanted, or not invited. I gave myself permission to be present, to participate.

So something I wanted to share here – the solution to being the outsider. Many people experience this with varying degrees of extensiveness, though the solution is essentially all the same. YOU. ME. We have to be the ones to find solutions for ourselves. If we find we feel like we are an outsider… then we must investigate why. What are the thoughts? What are the feelings? Where is there self-dis-empowerment taking place? Victimization? Self-definitions? That is OURS to clean up with self-forgiveness, and correct with commitment statements… and then to apply it. To live it. To live the acceptance and allowance of who you are and whether you will always see yourself as different, as less than, or more than, as on the outside, or whether you are equal in your value as a human being, as a social creature, as a participant within this reality. Insert yourself into what is going on… make yourself known, make yourself present.

A gift only you can give to you.




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20 June 2016

460: Change and Creation - Slowly, but Surely

Not long along I began writing about an experience I had in relation to quick fixes, and instant gratification – where frequently I could see my starting point for doing something, or changing something, or applying a new habit, or stopping an old one, was existing within the point of desire – wanting it to happen NOW.

I realized, through writing about this, that change doesn’t happen like that. It’s a process. That’s why we call what we do within Desteni a process – because it takes time. It takes discipline, and commitment, and application daily to change yourself; a habit, an addiction, a pattern, a routine, an experience. We have space and time to work with – and while I could see this not long ago, it has come up again for me to re-visit.

What does it mean to create? We often fixate ourselves on the end result – the desire to have or be someone different… and we focus on that as being the most important part, when in reality – it’s the process. It’s the physical actions that accumulate the result, and that is what we call the creation Process. That is where our focus, and attention must be; that is where our efforts must be channeled.

So I’m going to share some previous writings on this to give more understanding into the experience of wanting something different quick, and how it doesn’t actually, and can’t ultimately work that way.

May 19th, 2016
How do I experience myself at the moment? There is a mix between a want and a resistance to write.

Often I look for quick fixes, and instantaneous change, and often this will be my starting point for something I apply or move myself to do. Though, often the pattern that plays out is me not sticking with it.

So for instance with writing – the want is a change in my experience, empowerment from the act. Though it’s tainted with a quick fix desire. After one session of writing I want to see results. A similar point exists within exercising. But, when that doesn’t happen… because it can’t happen, that’s not how space and time currently work, I often quit before results are produced.

The experience or thoughts within that are such as, “it’s not working,” or, “nothing is happening,” or simply the lack of positive experience from no quick fix/change implies nothing is happening.

But really, what is not happening is the mind energy/experience… No-thing. Rather the work is in the physical, slowly but surely accumulating, and the time is evidence of the effort, which results from the process.

So rather than moving from a starting point of “want for a quick fix/change” it should be, or could be an understanding of what it means to change, and create.

The want for something to change quickly, or to see the evidence of change fast is like an attempt to prove something to oneself or others.

It’s like I want to be different than who I am, and in the hopes my experience will be better or I will be better. And in this, it’s as if I am suppressing who I really am, in self-honesty, not embracing and facing the real me that I am trying to change so fast.

Though I realize until I do face, and embrace this me, I will never change.

So rather denying this me, and want to quick change me, how to prove I can and I am better than this me, I’m running from. I must slowly but surely walk the space, and time process of unfolding, seeing, understanding, forgiving, and start living. I can’t expect change overnight, or from one night of writing. I must walk the change consistently and create it as me, as who I am naturally.

**So the key here… creation, and change, is a PROCESS. The end results you see on other’s Facebook wall of them graduating, or getting a new job, or getting married, or whatever they are showing to you to say hey, look at this... look at what I created… there was days, months, maybe even years put into it. Thing’s don’t magically just change, or show up, or transform – life is a process, creation is a process and while we like to focus on the end results and get our praises, and positive feelings from it… the truth is in the Journey. What it took to create. The Process.

So patience to slowly but surely, consistently committing to oneself, to create oneself to be the best version of self. That is what this Journey is all about.

More blogs to follow up with as there are ideas of myself, beliefs, and patterns needing to be sorted in the above writing.  Till next time.




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08 May 2016

459: Our One, and Only, Interconnected World

A friend mentioned today the fires in Alberta, Canada are bringing smoke and the campfire smell to her area in Minneapolis, MN. This is the second summer I'll be in Canada, and same as last year, hearing about the wild fires crossing the border into the US, causing an affect on parts thousands of miles away.

A point to consider here is how in one place of the world - what happens there, has an affect on another part of the world, seemingly separate from the source of what is going on. Yet here it is, a small, yet significant example of the interconnectedness of our world.

Fires rage in Canada cause the US to experience the aftermath. No borders keeping out the smoke and smell. Makes our whole border situation seem silly in the first place. You can keep people contained perhaps, with the illusions of borders, but this is One Earth, and what happens on this One Earth affects us all.

Often times it's not right on our door step, or fogging up our air, or causing a stench to linger... that is when it's the easiest to just ignore the world around us, what is going on on this One Earth. But then something like this happens and you realize... we are interconnected. The changes, and experience of one part of the Earth has an affect on the rest of this world.

The radiation pouring in the Asian oceans, or the hurricanes brewing in the South, or an Earthquake in the Pacific Ocean, or the Rain Forests being rampaged for resources, or an oil spill on our Coasts... What happens on this planet happens to us all, directly or indirectly. It could be prices to spike in our super markets, or the lack of fish available to eat, or refugees pouring into our cities. There is always a consequence to each action; a drop of water in the ocean creating ripples. An outflow to every decision, and so action made... and somehow, it touches each and every single life.

It's not wise for us to wait until it becomes too obvious, we know that, and yet we do nothing to change. Prevention is the best cure, we know that, yet we don't care. We rather "enjoy the moment" than consider the bigger picture, we'd rather get our quick fix, and happy times while we still can, without considering what's to come. There will be a time when it is knocking on our door.... how we are disrupting and disturbing our ecosystems for profit, how we are killing off spectacular species for the glory of the kill, how we are pumping toxins into our air, despite having access to clean, renewable sources of energy, just because it's 'easier' to accept things as they are, and not demanding a change in our policies, and inherently, our living principles. We should care what happens in Canada, in the US, in China, in India, in Europe, in the Philippines, in Africa... we should care how life is being lived, and whether it's being provided for for All, nurtured equally, and not exploited, abused, or disregarded. This is our own Earth. Our Only Home.

We are so short sighted, not seeing how when one person suffers, we are all suffering. Sooner or later we will realize the consequence of every action, by every human, as our very society has made, and it will either be too late, or we will be just in time. We have the most instance access to information ever provided in Human History, it is our responsibility to understand this world, those that are running it, and how our direct, or indirect participation is sustaining how it currently exists. Open your eyes, and see the big picture. What exists 'out there', exists 'in here' - existent in the very nature of each person. We have a responsibility in this Life to clean up our mess, to understand our interconnected relationship, and to create a world that is Best for all.

See for real the Reality that exists for us All - See what we are doing on and to our Earth. She is vast, vulnerable, and requires our attention.



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06 May 2016

458: We Will Have to Imagine

One of the most vital elements to changing, to this process we are walking within Humanity, is to understand why things exist the way that they do. Since writing about this forgiveness point the past few days, I’ve come to notice more and more how we are so quick to judge things in our world.

Indiana just installed a drop-box for mothers no longer wanting their babies. This was created due to the amount of babies being abandoned by their mothers, some I’m sure not lucky enough to survive, while others being found and put into the system such as foster care, and then perhaps adoption. We want to condemn these woman, to be appalled by the fact that a city must install such a thing – a drop box for unwanted babies. As woman, and I’m sure as mothers, we cannot even imagine how one could abandon their babies like that.

But it exists, so we’ll have to. We’ll have to imagine what would possibly go through the minds of these women, and parents. We will have to imagine what dire situation they must be in to feel that is their only option. We must imagine the system in which they live wherein they are either too addicted, too poor, too afraid, or too dis-empowered to feel as though they cannot care for a baby.

We will have to imagine it because it exists. And condemning these woman, or being disgusted by the fact that a state took an initiative to install a baby drop box for those woman feeling there is no other way does nothing to solve the problem.

As a matter of fact, we don’t have to imagine, because it exists and so we can understand. Talk to these woman, stand in their shoes, look at their life, their family upbringing… see WHY and HOW they were in a position where in their life they felt they had to make such a decision. See what events took place that molded their minds, that shaped their lives, that contributed to who they became that led them to that very moment. It’s all relevant… it’s all a sequence of a source.

These woman are us. These parents are us. They are subject to the same life conditions we are. Some more severe, some better off – though their lives are determined by a system of money, of corruption, of greed, of self-interest, of abuse, of neglect, of inconsideration for actual Life.

These are symptoms of a problem within all of humanity. And we are only continuing the sickness through condemning those we are not willing to understand. Miss-takes are made, consequences are created, and our own internal mental process is our prison of enslavement. Unless we provide a solution, we are a part of the problem.

So let me suggest for us to stop judging, and stop condemning. Let’s start to Understand. Why? Why are women, and parents feeling they have no other option? Why are they afraid to tell their family about their pregnancy? Why do they feel they cannot raise a child? Why have they preferred a life of chasing a high, then the real value of physical matter which they’ve grown inside of them? Yes – each individual is responsible for the decisions made in their life, but we are too responsible for our world as a whole. How can we contribute to healing humanity?

We can start but stopping the blame, and stopping the judgment. We can start to forgive. But first we must understand. Do not see an outflow without tracing it back to its origin. You or I are no better than the woman making I’m sure one of the most difficult decisions in their life… to ones that must forever live with that decision, to face it for the rest of their lives. Who are we to add to their turmoil? Rather, be a beacon of compassion, of understanding, and dare I say it… hop. Hope that humanity to can get their act together, step up, stand up for one another, and stop dividing ourselves based on judgments and opinions of other people’s lives. See the BIG picture. Understand Why. Understand How. Then we can begin to heal.



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05 May 2016

457: Living Forgiveness

To wrap up the points written in the previous blogs, the following are corrective statements, and commitment statements of how I can change myself in future moments... expanding my application of living Forgiveness.

"I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the importance and value of forgiveness, not only for/toward oneself, but even more so outward towards others… in forgiving those that know not what they do, and so being an example one can learn from and realize forgiveness is possible and the key to changing our world - individually as well as collectively"

When and as I see myself condemning, and judging others for one moment of interaction, one behavior, or statement, or change in tonality, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is automatically defining them absolutely within just one moment of a whole lifetime, and that within it, there is no understanding or forgiveness and so I commit myself to consider more than just the moment before me, more than just what I see in one moment of another, and to consider the WHOLE story, the whole picture, the whole being and the whole life that lead up to such an expression, or behavior, or movement I was the judge another for, and rather see MORE than my own mind as the reaction

When and as I see myself not allowing myself to consider, and LIVE forgiveness in a moment in relation to another, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand how supportive and important self-forgiveness is for me, and so also see, realize, and understand it’s time to expand my application of forgiveness to be towards others as well. I commit myself to expand my understanding and application of forgiveness to those around me…. Living then the principle of ‘love thy neighbor as thy self’

When and as I see myself automatically thinking the worst of people, as not having patience or understanding within a moment with them, and to just write them off as being selfish, or ignorant, or lacking real care or consideration, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that perhaps I am not investigating myself in the same respect, and to check within me where I am accepting and allowing myself to be selfish, ignorant, or lacking real care, and consideration as the actual source of m reactions towards others. I commit myself to thus always take SELF-responsibility as a moment of reflection to ensure I am not living that which I blame/judge others for so that then I can ensure I am able to exist within understanding, care, and forgiveness in relation to not only myself, but others as well

When and as I see myself not wanting to give time, attention, care, and support to others around me that I’ve defined as not willing to change, or who display the same behavior that I see is not supportive for them or others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there could be in fact a relationship where interaction is no longer necessary as it proves to no longer serve one or both beings, though within the above is more the starting point of dismissal rather than understanding, and deciding practically. And so I commit myself to not just write people off due to a reaction or judgment that I have, but rather actually assess a relationship practically – seeing if one or both are being served within what is best for both within the relationship, and if not, let it be and let it go without any resentments, judgments or blame

When and as I see myself not living care, support, understanding, and forgiveness towards others through quickly reacting to a statement, or movement, or tonality they make, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such a reaction is based on a judgment of it being ‘bad/wrong/negative’ and is not actually any of those things… it is simply a moment of one expressing themselves based on who they’ve accepted and allowed themselves to be and become. And so I commit myself to instead love another as I love myself, and give as I’ve given to myself, which is NO judgment and rather understanding of why someone expressed the way they do

When and as I see myself thinking other people will never change, and so want to just give up on them, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I would not want that for myself – I would not want another to give up on me, and I have so many examples of people who have stood as support for me over the years, despite me repeating patterns that still are necessary to change, yet never giving up on me and so I commit myself to extend this gift to others as I’ve been given myself by others… to practice staying consistent in my support, care, and living forgiveness through not reacting and giving up on others, but rather being patient, understanding and willing to support

When and as I see myself defining forgiveness as something that is conditional, such as applying the statement that only some deserve it, and others don’t based on my own assessment/judgment/opinions/beliefs, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that within such a point, I am expecting others to live up to a standard that perhaps is not practical for them, or that I have not applied and lived unconditionally myself, and so rather than condemning and blaming others so quick and suggest they don’t deserve forgiveness, I commit myself to realizing ALL are worthy of forgiveness, as ALL live within a potential to exist and express what is best for all and so I also commit myself to see the potential within all and to do what I can in each moment to harness that potential not only within me, but others as well to show the possibilities of life on earth, relationships with others, and the equality of life fully expressed





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