696: A New Creation

 Hello, world. It's been a minute. Or a few months at least. I have been writing on this blog forever... Or actually a decade now and it's taken that long to get to a point in my life where I am finally committed to ridding myself of caring what other people think and once and for all, living for me. 

I have been walking and working towards this point with the understanding that was ultimately the point however clearly I was so separated and disconnected from myself that it took a decade of self-reflection, self-investigation, and self-forgiveness to finally realize what that practically means. 

I'm tired of caring what other people think of me and I'm tired of trying to fit in with others. I am ready to live for myself, with myself, and as myself because I am the only person I actually have to live with! 

So the last month I have been diving into this understanding and practicing what it means to live self-love, self-care, self-acceptance, self-trust, and self-honesty. I have been practicing removing my focus on the external world "out there" as caring what is going on with other people (as a point of inserting myself in dramas that are none of my business) and finally getting to know who I really am, what I like, what I don't like, who I want around me, who I don't want around me and what I want to create as myself and as my life. 

I am finally at a point where I am making a decision about who I will surround myself with and who I will be connected with because believe it or not I believed for a very long time that I had to like everyone, that I had to get along with everyone and I had to ensure not to fight with anyone. Well, that ends here. I am no longer interested in pleasing anyone but myself. Call it selfish if you will but I am finally making myself a priority and it feels so good. 

Part of this journey is again establishing myself within blogging because over the past decade blogging and sharing my process has created a baseline for myself and an ability to fine-tune myself. And with this new approach to myself and my life, writing will be a great way for me to specify myself, my insights, my practical living application, my expression, and my direction. I love me a grand stance, a new commitment, and a fresh start. I love me a new challenge and journey and process to strengthen myself within. And I love that I know that about myself and can say that with confidence in who I am because I for a long time couldn't. I for a long time was ashamed of who I was and what interests me and what I like and a lot of that had to do with caring what other people thought. What I've learned is that my care about what other people think of me implies I don't care enough about myself and ultimately what it created was me willing to accept abuse from others and for others to walk over me because hey, as long as they are in a way accepting me and keeping me around, right? That's all that apparently mattered to me. 

That is no longer the case. I am going to care enough about myself that I no longer require anyone to like me. I'm no longer giving a whip whether anyone likes me because I"m going to be sure I like me. Man, that feels good. 

So here's to a new chapter, a new me, a new process. A new creation. Me creating me into who I want to be without the weight of the world on my shoulders. Time to have some fun. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about what other people think about me than what I think about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for other's approval and in that completely dismissing and disregarding me and my life here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have to care what other people think about me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand when I like and accept me, I no longer require others to like and accept me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe how other people see/perceive me has any real value to me

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to give myself the life I wanted which is of self-love, self-care, and self-acceptance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about what's going on in the world than who I really am in seeing, realizing, and understanding that who I am matters more than anything else in this world

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in placing value in myself and who I am before anything else I am no longer susceptible to any abuse, I am no longer a victim and I am now self-empowered

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about what others think of me that I would accept abuse from others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up for myself when others abuse me because I cared too much about what others thought of me and wanted others to accept me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the true freedom in living self-acceptance and self-love

I commit myself to continue practicing self-love and self-acceptance as the act of freeing myself from my self-imposed limitation and imprisonment 

I commit myself to continue practicing living for me 

I commit myself to continue practicing expressing me for me

I commit myself to continue to create me as my utmost potential