480: F*ck trying to Fit in - 30 Days of Blogging - Day 14
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not fitting in with others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being liked or accepted by others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define fitting in with others as being liked and accepted by others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others rejecting me and thus not fitting in with them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as separate from others, and thus think and believe I must act, or be a certain way in order to fit in with them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be like others so that I fit in with them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'fitting in with others' as a safe place wherein I am secure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to believe that the desire to fit in with others, and thus the fear of not fitting in with others, is a normal part of human existence, and to not question this fear and desire
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there are differences within people, wherein some are more or less than others, or some are better or worse than others, and use these differences to define myself and others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as lower class, due to the amount of money I grew up with, and thus become fearful and nervous around those in an 'upper class,' who display having more money
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have nothing in common with business owners, and so think I couldn't possibly fit in with them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when around business owners and business people within thinking they are somehow better than me, or more than me, strictly based on the amount of money I think they, and how much I have
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define someone with less money than someone else as being a less human being
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define someone with more money than someone else as being more of a human being
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as the construct that fuels this worlds inequality and division, and war wherein we believe that some people are more valuable than others, and thus others can be disregarded or ignored, rather than seeing and realizing that all human beings are equal in value, as who they are as life and thus no one is more or less than another - despite the amount of money they have
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give money the power to separate people into better or worse categories
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give money the authority to direct me in how I experience myself around others as being inferior to those with more money
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when you take away everyone's money - everyone is exactly the same in who they are
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am a lesser being than those that are successful in business, in defining myself as a 'poor girl' from Minneapolis, raised by a single mother, who had to struggle for what we had and thus carry this self-definition with me throughout my life - constantly then placing myself into the poor girl position, wherein I see others with more money as more than m
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to use money to fit in - wherein I think and believe if I had more money, I would fit in with more types of people - or more specifically those with more money
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shut down when reacting to an environment that is outside of my comfort zone - as not wanting to talk to others, not wanting to make eye contact with others, and not wanting anyone to notice me - basically wanting to disappear in the background, out of sight from everyone, as how I experience myself internally in such an environment
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to direct myself when in a situation wherein I am outside of my comfort zone, meeting new types of people, and not allowing myself to learn from those new types of people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inherently inferior to others, and thus submit when I believe I am in the presence of someone greater than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there are people in this world greater than me
If forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am lesser than other people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be determined by money wherein I allow it to dictate who I'm comfortable around
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to change who I am, and how I experience myself, and how I direct myself when I'm in the presence of someone I perceive to be more than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I don't fit in with other people, then I am an outcast in this world and thus vulnerable and susceptible to pain or harm
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to fitting in with others, than to fitting in with myself wherein I am comfortable and content within/as who I am, no matter where I am or with whom I'm with and thus free (not in fear) to direct and express who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone - of having no acceptance or love from others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others looking down at me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others doing unto me what I've done unto myself, which is to place me as inferior/less than others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is something wrong, or off, or different about me and define this as something bad/negative
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to be different within this world is actually a blessing in that this world requires different people... a different way of living, a different way of thinking, a different way of applying oneself and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace being different, as not fitting in, as I thus know I am creating my own way wherein I live for me what is best for me/all, not to fit in with others, to feel safe and secure but rather establishing within me my own self-security, and self-safety - wherein I know here, within/as me, I am accepted, and loved, by me... the only one that can truly love and accept me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fit in with others, as a little piece of the puzzle that makes up the whole of humanity that currently exists within greed, self-interest, selfishness, spite, conflict, desire, and lust - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fit into that type of world, one wherein no one considers what is best for all, or love thy neighbor as thyself, or does unto another what they would like to be done unto... I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be willing to stand up from the world that currently exists in order to create a world that could exist - heaven on earth, wherein what is best for all is the directive of all human beings
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the principle of 'be in this world, not of it' wherein I can participate with all kinds of people without wavering within who I am - standing stable, and equal to all no matter the perceived class, and thus able to walk in this world freely, and fully engaged in communicating and expressing myself within self-honest and my utmost potential... within this creating the change, leading by example, and not accepting anything less than what is best for all
When and as I see myself becoming fearful, or nervous when around people I believe I don't fit in with, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this fears implies a self-definition that is dis-empowering, and so I go into dis-empowering experiences such as fear and nervousness. I commit myself thus to slow down, breathe, ground myself in my physical body, and realize that all people are equal... no one is more or less, and so I commit myself to stop separating myself into an inferior position in relation to others, and rather stand up within/as myself to stand equal
When and as I see myself defining people according to how much money they have, or don't have, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that if you take away everyone's money, everyone is the same and so I commit myself to stop giving money the authority to define people, and separate people from each other. I commit myself to realize all are equal within the blood and the flesh of their body, and that money that is used to separate people is actually bullshit and not real. I commit myself to stop participating within the make believe of this reality wherein money dictates who is more or less
When and as I see myself wanting to fit in with others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the fear of not fitting in is a self-definition implying there is something wrong with me, or that I need others to accept me and thus revealing I have not fully, absolutely and unconditionally accepted myself and so I commit myself to practice bringing the authority of acceptance back to myself wherein I require no acceptance from others as I can accept me for myself
I commit myself to stop the fear of not fitting in as it implies I want to be like others, and that if i'm not, others will reject me. I realize that no one can reject me, only I can reject me and that is what matters the most and so I commit myself to stop rejecting me, to stop diminishing me, to stop limiting me within who I can be, or who I can be around
I commit myself to continue stepping out of my comfort zone in order to see myself more clearly in who I am in relation to others, and to new experiences wherein I have then the opportunity to align anything out of place, or that is of separation to equality and oneness as life
I commit myself to realizing the equality and oneness of/as life
I commit myself to living in this world, but not of it - not needing or wanting to fit into this world as I realize we must be different to change this world
I commit myself to dare to be different, in how I think, speak, and act.. ensuring my thoughts, words, and deeds are within/as the starting point of what is best for all thus not fitting in as this world is not made up of what is best for all so I shall not fit it
I commit myself to embrace not fitting in as walking a journey to create what is best for all
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