Kristina's Journey to Life

Continuing from yesterday's blog, and self-forgiveness... the following is the corrections I can make to realize how to direct myself physically out of an experience, what it means to be productive, and to stop sitting on the fence about things. When and as I see myself giving into an experience of being tired and sluggish on Sundays after my shift at work, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is due to an idea I’ve allowed within myself of where it’s like now the end of my week, and I can just throw in the towel, and physically give into the experience of not wanting to do anything. I commit myself to change this idea within me that influence my experience as becoming sluggish and tired, and I commit myself to start deciding for myself, as a point of self-direction, how I will experience myself after work When and as I see myself not remaining consistent within my days, in how I physically move and apply myself, I stop and I breathe. I see, realiz...

Today I am feeling a bit sluggish. I worked this morning, as I do most Sunday mornings, and usually I start the day clear and ready to go. I usually enjoy my Sunday shifts because it’s early in the morning, I’m done by the afternoon, and I have the evening’s off which is great, because I usually work evenings. So I look forward to getting home, spending time with my partner, doing what I have to do to tie up the loose ends of the week, and getting ready for the new week to start. Though often, by the end of the shift, I feel sluggish, tired, and sometimes accompanied by a headache. No headache today, though the sluggish, tired experience was present. Normally I go home and will rest, watch something, and end up taking a nap before the evening. Today I decided to change it up – not take a nap, spend some time on some responsibilities online, and just decide something different. Well I didn’t nap, though that sluggish, tired experience only compounded. I was moving very slow through...

When it comes to change – it can be quite challenging. We can make the process quite complicated, feel like it’s completely hopeless, and think we are doing things all wrong, because after all, we keep falling… we keep doing the same things over; making the same decision, repeating the same behavior , continue thinking the same thoughts. From our perspective, change is futile, because we see it in ourselves…. We just can’t correct the point we are dealing with. Though, as hard of a pill it is to swallow, the solution is simple. You will just have to stop. You will just have to stop those thoughts. You will just have to stop making those decisions. You will just have to stop repeating those same behaviors . You will just have to stop. That moment when you are faced with a decision, infiltrated with excuses and reasons as to why you can keep on keeping on with the same ol’ story… you will just have to stop, and change your mind, and so change your direction . It really is that s...

The following is the corrective statements from yesterday's blog, A Cool Point .  When and as I see myself defining myself as weak, lost, and sad, and to within this, experience a negative energy , in relation to not having a specific purpose/point in my life at the moment, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is a definition in which I’ve given to these words, and how I define this point in my life of not having such a specific point, and that it can be changed in how I define the words and so I commit myself to purify the words within/as me and the words I live through forgiving the polarity/energy charges attached to them, and rather give words a practical reality definition that I can then LIVE, and thus become living words which will support in the expansion and transformation of myself rather than keep me within a point of emotional manipulation where I’m dis-empowered through how I’ve defined the words within a negative energy When and ...

Continuing from yesterday – the specific words I wrote in yesterdays blog I’m going to look at within self-forgiveness here, in relation to this point of ‘not having a point’ are, “I felt weak, and sad, and lost in a way”. Weak, sad, and lost. So while yesterday I mentioned it’s important for me not to define myself for having a point or not having a point that is specific at the moment, here within the words listed above, I am defining myself as being weak, sad, and lost for not having a point. So must clean that up, as it’s obviously influencing me to an extent wherein I feel weak, sad, and lost. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as weak for not having a specific point/ purpose in my life that I am interested in at the moment I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as sad for not having a specific point/purpose in my life that I am interested in at the moment I forgive myself that I have accepted ...

Today I became a bit emotional while having a conversation with my partner. We were speaking about a chat I had earlier with a friend, and how we were discussing the point of me not yet having such a clear, specific, defined ‘point’ as a purpose I’m taking in my life . I have been busy getting my survival point in place since moving to Canada from the US, and I have not had a lot of time given to other aspects, or opportunities, or even interests in my life. While chatting with the friend, there was not an emotional energy around the topic of discussion, there was more an understanding of where I am currently, and where I have been, and what is necessary to move forward, as creating a stable living for myself, financially speaking, to ensure I am in a position to move within other things. It is quite difficult to focus on other aspects of one’s life when their financial situation (survival) is not secure. So now that that is stable, I can again, re-look at where I would like to i...

Continuing on from yesterday's self-forgiveness - how I will stop living in fear, develop my own-self authority, learn to live practical within principles that are best for all, and how to focus on the living commitment a marriage is all about. When and as I see myself saying things such as ‘we’re young and poor’, to those I talk to about not exchanging rings when I get married, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such a statement exists within a point of fear , of thinking others will react to me as seeing me differently and weird, and so I commit myself to rather than engage and participate in the fear, stop myself before I speak, and breathe as to not express the fear and rather look at it practically – am I really young and poor? Is that really why I am not exchanging rings with my partner? And so I commit myself to use common sense, and be self-honest when expressing myself with others. When and as I see myself defining exchanging rings when one get...

So the first dimension I can see within the statement made of, “we’re young and poor” is a fear of being different in the eyes of others, and within this – being judged or seen as weird, and that I must explain myself so that I don’t come off this way – there is a reason for ‘why’ we are doing things differently. (see previous blog for context). I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the statement, “we’re young and poor” when telling the commissioner we were not exchanging rings when we get married, as a point of fear of how she would react as seeing us differently or weird I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define exchanging rings when getting married as something normal, and to not do this is to be abnormal, and so within this – to fear being seen as abnormal for not doing the ‘normal’ thing at a wedding ceremony I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going against societies tradition, and what...

Recently I made a statement while with my partner that I would like to call into question. We were meeting the commissioner that will marry us, and she was asking about the ceremony we would like – would I be wearing a dress, how many people would be attending, and if we had rings. When asked if we were going to exchange rings, we said no, and then I added, “We are young and poor.” I was looking at this statement the whole day afterward, considering the implication of my words and how I am living... or they are living words within/as my life . “We are young and poor.” There are a couple points I can see within this I see as important to address. I will open the first point up in this blog tonight, which is: First point, and most obvious to me (as it's come up a few times recently) is the explanation I feel is needed. Meaning – my partner and I are not going about getting married in the traditional sense. There is no rings, there is no wedding dress, there is so expensive ...