To continue form yesterday’s blog – the main points being a reaction I saw of self-judgment consisting of blaming myself for being a ‘cheerleader/motivational speaker’ that speaks nice words, but are not grounded in physical reality. Further in my writings, seeing that this reaction was stemming from two sources – first being that I do not allow myself to stop, breathe and slow myself down as I write my blog, instead I generally grab a point or topic I can write about and quickly get it done as fast as I can, like pulling of a band-aid or something. Which is funny, because blogging is not such a painful experience, yet I do see how a resistance formed to daily blogging has in a way influenced my approach to it, which is get it done and through it as quickly as possible. As if that is the point – to just produce the blog. When in reality the process as a whole, each moment as each word, is what matters. And since I am just usually rushing through the writing process, I am not ‘here’ physically, as physical matter and so my words do not as much matter, as I am then just speaking knowledge and information that has been stored in my mind, yet that I do not necessarily have a physical reference for.
So that was the first point I could see triggering this reaction of self-judgment, not slowing myself down to really access parts of myself that have that direct experience of what it is I am writing about, and so a more substantial grounding to my writing.
The second point identified being where I have allowed myself to judge others in the same way I have judged myself. Now while I lived or acted this point out before I ever allowed myself to judge others for it, I can see how such a reaction resurfacing can be based within a fear that others WILL judge me as I have judged them, or that others will judge me as I have judged myself. This is not as if they know I judged them, yet we become fearful of being done to what we have done unto others – and that is perhaps why we have a world of distrust and paranoia – everyone lives out a version of themselves that is not honest or best for all, and there is no responsibility or accountability for ourselves in who we are and how we live, and so because we know the nature of what we think, say and do, we can sure bet others will exist in the same way as well. Because I mean come on, if we are not taking responsibility for or holding ourselves accountable for who we are in thought, word and deed… how can we expect anyone else to?
So for this blog I will take on the first cause of the self-judgment reaction with self forgiveness.
Not slowing down in the physical moment as breath as I write my blog, and so rushing through the information and knowledge in my mind to get it done as quickly as possible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself through a resistance to daily blogging, and instead allow it to accumulate to the point where when I do finally make that decision to commit myself to daily blogging, allow my approach to be influenced as having to get it done as quickly as possible, like pulling off a band-aid as if it is such an excruciating pain that I want to get over with as soon as possible - yet realizing it is only my creation and consequence of accepting and allowing a resistance to accumulate in the first place
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a starting point of rushing in relation to writing my blog, wherein through a resistance to daily blogging, my approach to blogging now being to get it done as fast as possible to just ‘get it over with already’ and so to within this, pull knowledge and information from my mind as the speed in which I am accessing it at the speed of my mind, which is quantum fast, and so not taking my time or care to really consider each letter as each word as what I am writing and expressing as myself in each moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my approach with writing my blogs as a self-judgment as defining myself as a cheerleader and motivational speaker – yet within a negative energy charge as defining myself as speaking just nice words, yet without having any substance or grounding to them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define motivational speakers within a negative energy charge where I judge them for just speaking nice words that I think and believe they have not lived themselves or have not understood what it means to live their words or wisdom practically and so judge them for this, and then judge myself within the same definition when/as I see myself living out the same point as simply speaking words that I have not necessarily come to understand or place into physical living application
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others of the application of not living the words we speak, or just accessing knowledge and information that we've heard, yet that we do not place into an actual physical reality, practical living context, instead of seeing that it is what currently exists, yet does not require a judgment to be corrected, only self-honesty and a change within oneself as how one apply themselves in the words they speak
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down when and as I see myself wanting to move through my blog as quickly as possible
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself within self-judgments of myself when/as I see myself writing more from a knowledge and information stand point rather than a more direct access point from/as the physical, which I see, realize and understand I would be able to express more accurately through the application of slowing myself when I am writing – allowing myself to breathe, and feel the keys under each fingertip and to be checking myself as I go to ensure that I am here and not speaking just nice words, but making sure that I have a reference for it as what I have walked thus far in my own process and my own direct experiencing, within this ensuring that I am self-honest within who I am in each moment as each word I write
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have come to be like a parrot wherein throughout my life I have heard phrases and thoughts and ideas and beliefs over and over and over again, and through this constant repetition, accepted these statements as my own, without investigating them for myself and so instead take them in, accept them as my own and then spread them through myself as if it is my own expression, simply because I thought it sounded good or somehow validated my already accepted and allowed ideas, beliefs and opinions that merely just sustain a personality I present to others
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to investigate all things as statements and ideas and phrases I’ve heard throughout my life and so investigating myself in relation to what I’ve heard and see how I understand it and check whether it is within a physical living context or not
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and humanity as a whole for living in separation of the world they speak, wherein I see and hear myself and others repeat information simply for the sake of repeating information, without having any understanding of what we are saying, or why and asking ourselves - is what I am saying really matter in the context of what is currently here and what is currently possible in changing the nature of ourselves and life as a whole to what is Best for all... and so while I see this, I realize that to judge this does nothing to change it and so I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to simply judge without changing myself
Will continue in the next blog...
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