Often I go into self-judgment where I will feel as though my writings are too abstract, or not grounded/concrete enough and I end up just sounding like a cheerleader or motivational speaker – simply speaking words that have no real basis or understanding in practical, physical reality.
Later what I realized is that the reason for this, is two points actually. The first being, that after reading some other blogs yesterday about ‘slowing down’ – I realized this is not something I really do with my blog. Like I never sit there for a moment, take a deep breath in and ‘see’ what is here for me to write. Often I go to blog about a point that I've decided upon earlier in the day or evening, which is fine, though I notice it’s within this rushing experience of like, ‘Oh great – got my blog point, okay now MOVE.’ And so what happens is I go into writing the blog, and I’m just so quick within myself, trying to get it all out and all done without really being the words as I write them; feeling the keys on each fingertip as each letter I press to create a word. And so what I notice is that this information and knowledge just comes flying out of me that I think sounds good, and that perhaps I have an understanding of, though they are not placed in such a way where it is completely and absolutely grounded, and here. It is quickly pulled out of me and thrown unto the paper and then when I am done, then I can breathe.
So that is the first point – realizing the importance of slowing myself down as to then allow myself to access those parts of myself that are a real reference and remembrance for myself in terms of what I am writing about, rather than just information and knowledge I've heard here and there that I than say back, like a parrot in a cage saying the few statements he’s been forced to learn through repetition.
The second point I see as to why this reaction came up – a self-judgment of myself being a ‘cheerleader/motivational speaker’ with no actual substance to what I am saying - is due to my own judgments towards others. So I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others in this exact same way – wherein I think they are just saying these words, they have not in fact lived them. Almost like mantras though without having any idea about how to actually, practically LIVE the words as my expression and actions. So it’s interesting how in my own judgments of others, I allow myself to live in exactly the same way. What came first though – me living the in such a way that I then judge in others? Or my judgment towards others that I then live out myself.
Well I do see that everything I think, say, and do comes from me. So any and all judgments I have towards others are actually judgments about myself or a reflection of how I see myself or my relationship with me. And in my not taking responsibility for my own self-judgment, self-relationship or living in such a way where I am not living my utmost potential, such as speaking knowledge and information as words that I have not in fact lived myself, I can easily go along and judge/blame others for existing in this way.
Though the gift – what I judge in others, I’m judging in me. And that is something I can take self-responsibility for. This reaction of being a cheerleader/motivational speaker that just speaks nice words with no actual substance to them came before I ever judged another for this, and so now it’s time to forgive it, ground myself in my words, slow myself down in breath and no more allow myself to judge another until I have first ensured that I am standing in such a way where I can face all of existence and say I did all I could within my responsibility to the whole, and that I am clear from any accepted and allowed limitation or diminishment that one could ever judge me for. Then I could not possibly judge another, as I will then understand another, as I've walked the process of understanding myself. That I in fact did ground myself in my words that reflect the Life I create as being what is Best for All.
That is the audacity of Humanity – we so easily run around pointing fingers and blame towards others and the judgment – Oh the judgments we make towards each other are ruthless. Yet, the irony… it’s really only ourselves we are seeing and judging. How funny actually – want to know more about yourself? Hear what you speak about others. See the thoughts you have about others. Be self-honest in the secret of your own mind, the judgment, blame and hate we have towards others… face it my friend, that is how you feel about You.
Though we can clean this mess up, as it is our responsibility and the only Real purpose to this Life we find ourselves in. No need to wait for judgment Day – we can fix this here and now – starting with our-SELF.
Self-Forgiveness in the blog to follow…
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