24 June 2013

204: STOP

*This blog was actually written the night of the storms, Friday, June 21st.

Let's be honest. Not only do I require to stop this fastness character at work because self honestly - that is not the only place this character exists. Obviously, I am this and it's not actually the environment - it is me.

I have written a bit about this speedy being I have a tendency to go into, and what I now realize is that it's only something I am now becoming aware of. Meaning - I have always existed as this 'fastness character" but only now am I seeing the patterns and cycles of it and the points that trigger it's activation.

My fastness comes from an extreme energetic high. When I perceive or react to something within my reality as something 'good' or 'positive' - or to be self honesty, the one thing I have always believed I wanted in life - then I am like on cloud nine, way ahead of myself, on top of the world and flying like superman at lightening speed.

At this moment I am sitting in the candle light. The power is out and I am writing these words with a pen, which I seldom do. And still this 'fastness' is here. Like not only do I require to slow down - I require a complete stop to really SEE what is going on within me.

I was just discussing this with another in how we think we must move so fast in our lives - that we must, as quickly as possible, "get the job done," or get to our destination, meanwhile we miss so much that is right here, in front of us. And actually we miss ourselves; who we are and what we have become and what we are actually doing and accepting and allowing in our rush to some finish line.

Life is not a race and yet we are the Human Race and in our race we have yet to face what we are creating as our World, in our rush to some illusionary reality. There is nothing for us in the future if we do not STOP and see what we are doing here, in this moment, in each moment as that is what creates the path to where we are heading.

So for me - it has taken wind, rain and "lights out" for me to actually consider stopping. Who knows if I would of if the storms that came through my city didn't - although reveals the storms moving through me. The high I exist on, the energy, the power I depend on, as the feelings that drive me forward, are not sustainable. I will eventually have a 'black-out' and be brought back to reality - to the actions I live in every moment that is creating the life that I am and the life that is here for all.

So am I being considerate or am I being selfish - selfish because in my positive-driving fastness character I am consumed by my own desires and pleasures, sustaining the existence of our consumerism world and not seeing the real matters at hand - what truly matters in our World.

And our words only hold so much weight when they are not lived. In fact, we just become the waiting words on the fast track to destruction because we do not care enough about the rest of our reality - only our motivation that keeps us getting out of bed each day. And these are according to self interest definitions. According to what I define as "good" and "positive" and worthy and valuable to me - Usually according to how it makes me feel. I will be content in not questioning myself or anything of this world for that matter.

What is required of me? To STOP. To Stop and SEE who/what/where I am and what I live as my physical actions each day and ask myself, "Does this action as acceptance add to the equality equation as accumulating myself and my world into the eventual manifestation of a world and a life that is best for all?" If not - why am I accepting and allowing it? What value, as the hold it has on me, have I given to it to where I cannot STOP and direct myself in ANY moment. What is my actual starting point for living? What is my driving force? What is pushing me and where do I think it will leave (lead) me?

Obviously these questions indicate the lack of awareness as the realization that it's ME. All of my own accepted and allowed self definitions as my relationship to ALL that is here. So time to STOP and get real with myself and stop thinking the negative is more apparently the points to sort out. It's the positive side of the same coin that is the most dangerous - as one becomes blind and misses Reality completely.



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