Kristina's Journey to Life

Yesterday's blog ended with a great point showing exactly what I was writing about. The point of how much I define what I do, rather than who I am, and the example was shown in the actions I took right after I finished the blog, which was to look over the blog in seeing the amount I wrote as a way of determine whether it was 'good' or not. If it's longer, then it's better. If it's shorter, then I judge it as not good enough. The cool point about this is seeing that it's not actually about how MUCH I write, but what I write about. Exactly like it's not about what I do, but how I do it - who I am within it. Tonight's blog thus will be the self-forgiveness in relation to that blog, and those points opened up. There are two points to cover here - the positive and the negative. Within the negative experience, I define myself as 'bad, wrong, ineffective, unworthy' when I am not doing what I define as 'enough' in a day - when I fall...

I for a long time have defined myself according to what I do. I have struggled with purpose in my life - defining it as something I do, rather than who I am. This is something I've worked with in the past  months, stabilizing myself in stopping the need for something 'out there' to substantiate me, such as a career, and bringing my focus back to me here, my day to day living. Though now, on the micro level, I have been back and forth in terms of my ability to direct myself throughout my day - often succumbing to a laziness character. When in such a character - I define myself as 'bad' and 'wrong' and it's quite a negative experience. Before I started participating within the Desteni Group - I wasn't very active. I didn't have much direction in my life - I was very much stuck in my comfort zone, without ever really exploring ideas of how to branch out and really develop and expand myself. I was stuck in simply the satisfaction of relationship...

Yesterday I was discussing the definition of Creativity as how I've defined it, and so lived it throughout my life. Opened up from nothing, in that I didn't have a topic to write about, and the experience within that of not really enjoyable because I always defined myself as not a creative person... and so the practice of just playing with ideas and creating something from nothing I've always resisted, and basically defined myself as unable to do that. Though realizing it is something that one can develop - it is simply a practice, or a skill and the more you allow yourself to do it, the better you become. So limited in the definition of creativity, and how I lived it, was a limitation placed unto myself. So that is where self-forgiveness can support in forgiving self for limiting self AS the word creativity... and input new instructions as how one can live the word (self-corrective/commitment statements). That is what this blog will be... the forgiveness process,...

I'm at an absolute loss on what to write about tonight. I've started this blog a few times already, with no point really sticking. Perhaps I should have saw this coming, as I did fear having to face the point of having 'no point' or 'no topic' to write about, and how I've used that in the past to not write a blog. Though a commitment has been made, and so here some nice practice in walking through this point. How many times do we at first try, if all doesn't go smoothly, or as we expected, just give up on something? I can't even count how many times I've attempted to do something, with the initial idea, and even interest, but sure enough it gets a bit challenging, or takes some creativity, or even some pushing of self to just do it, or just write something, to get the ball rolling but sure enough, I give up. Creativity... that is something I have never considered myself as, creative. In fact, I've made the exact statement multiple ti...

Today I was working with a particular reaction that came up within me the past couple days. It consisted of a lot of back chat regarding a particular person in my life, and I saw myself yelling and arguing with them within my mind - basically going to war . I was angry and frustrated and felt powerless in a way to changing them, their mind, who they are, and what they say. This particular reaction has come up in the past numerous times , though I never really wanted to deal with it in the sense of looking at it through writing, or applying self-forgiveness for the friction within me in relation to them. Though this time I did because it was quite obvious there was a trigger, and an activation within me where one day I had a fairly quiet mind, then to the next being very busy thinking about this person, and what I would say to them, and attempting to get my frustrations out onto them, but only in my head. So I did some writings on it yesterday, and some forgiveness on it today. Wh...

To start - a little update from yesterday's blog . Today I noticed the point come up again in regards to thinking about a topic. for my blog but instead of worrying about it, or becoming anxious on what I would end up writing, the correction immediately came up - specifically what I wrote about yesterday in terms of how I could change this reaction , and rather deal with it constructively. So while I thought about what I could write a blog about before it was time to even write a blog, there was no emotions attached  it it, and right away I told myself I will think of it in the moment - when I actually sit down to write a blog. Deal with it when the times come, and so now let it go. And I was able to. So that was quite a cool point in terms of having that correction 'in place' to support when the thoughts about a topic to write about came up again. Awesome to see so directly how those corrective statements do actually support - like a real time reference. One point t...

So I got my first blog done yesterday - the hardest step... starting. And then I committed to 30 days of blogging, lol. It seems to be perfect timing. I have the time available, and it's always 'here' in terms of being aware that it's something I can do for myself - daily. There are points of fear , of realizing I will face similar points of judgments , towards myself and projected unto others towards me. Then there's the matter of what to write about... I've mostly taken the approach to just share what is here, since part of me fears being "exposed" (can read my very first Journey to Life blog on that point), I should rather face and walk through the fear and expose myself.. giving direction to myself rather than allowing that point to fester, and grow until it influence me to remain silent. However, since my blog yesterday, the point that keeps coming up is 'what to write about'. Like wanting a topic already secured and in pla...