Day 723: (26 of 30) - Repeat Patterns - The External Search for Self

There are some patterns I've seen throughout my process that have recently emerged again and I wanted to address them here. 

One of them is my seeking and consumption of information. This is generally in relation to the Desteni Material and other channeled material that I've enjoyed in the past few years. 

Now, from my perspective, there is nothing wrong with enjoying information/material shared by others, especially if/when it is to support yourself in your process of self-realization. 

The starting point is the key and one question can reveal the starting point. Why am I consuming the information? 

The experience of self can also reveal the starting point.

Recently I started to feel overwhelmed and confused and lost a bit and with every interview/recording/article I would hear or read, I felt even more uncertain about myself. After talking with my partner about this, he mentioned, "you have been consuming a lot more information lately." 

Indeed I have been and it helped me realize this is a pattern I've become aware of myself within before. 

The external search. 

Constantly seeking outside of myself for some answer or clue or key or insight that will be the catalyst to clarify everything most easily and effortlessly, where everything just finally "makes sense."

But the truth is, everything already does make sense—it's simply in the external search (for self) that one accepts and allows the idea that one is lacking something, missing something, confused about something, doesn't "get" something, or not having what needs to be had in order to realize something. 

It's the very act that compounds the belief that self is without. Self is lacking. Self is missing. Self is lost. Self needs answers. 

When what everyone is actually looking for, including myself, is Me Here. 

Me here sitting on my couch, next to my partner, writing this blog. Me here in this body with two kids asleep in the other room. Me here feeling a little extra warmer than usual because I'm wearing socks and am now taking them off. 

Me here - in this reality, in this body, as this being. 

That is all I am looking for. Me here with my awareness grounded in/as/on Planet Earth in this moment where I Have direct control and power to move myself, create my life, and have a real impact on this reality. 

The confusion, being overwhelmed, feeling lost - it was all because I was within/as the mind searching/seeking for Me, not realizing, seeing, and understanding that I was here all along. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as the repeating pattern of seeking myself externally  and so separating myself from from me here within/as my physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is some piece of information "out there" that I am going to find in channeled material instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that my physical body literally contains all information/knowledge of/as all of this existence and so quite literally I hold the key I am looking for

I forgive myself that I Have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I am thirsty for more knowledge to consume to "know" what is going on within me or within this reality, I am living the statement "I am lost" and "I am without" and "I need to know more" 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am missing something or without the knowledge and information I need to realize myself

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand in every moment who I am in what I do as who I am in what I do will determine everything

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to knowledge and information to give myself something I think I don't have 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as lost in seeking information/knowledge outside of me here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as confused in thinking/believing I don't have the "right" information to know who I am and how to best live/direct my reality/world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of being overwhelmed by bombarding my mind and body with more and more information as an insatiable thirst that can never be quenched

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as this habit of thinking and believing some source of information outside and separate from me here  is going to give me what I think I am missing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for validation, permission, acceptance, love and the peace of mind knowing "I am right" outside/separate form me here

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am missing

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to realize myself here in/as this moment as my body, as my breath

I forgive myself that I Have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the physical is that which I am looking for but that I will never find because I am already it - you cannot find what you already are, you simply realize it to see it

I forgive myself that I Have not yet accepted and allowed myself to realize I am the physical as all that is and as the life/source/substance of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority to sources of information outside of me to tell me who I am and what I must do, what I don't apparently know

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in an eternal search for what is here/real instead of realizing, seeing, understanding, and embodying the knowledge that I am already here for real

I forgive myself that I Have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am here for real as the physical, as my body, as this earth, as this universe, as all as one as equal

I forgive myself that I Have not yet accepted and allowed myself to be practical about my consumption of material/information wherein I use it in a balanced way that supports my living expression and directive principle

When and as I see myself using/consuming information/knowledge specifically from channeled material and feeling lost/confused/overwhelmed, I stop and breathe. I see, realize, and understand that within this, I am acting out a repeat pattern of seeking something externally from me here and so I instead stop and breathe and direct myself back to what is real and here which is my physical body, my breathing, and my life I am creating with my partner. 

I commit myself to turn inward as returning to the real source of me, here for real when I see I am overextending myself outward 

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am missing or lacking something and instead live the realization that everything I need to know is here within/as my very physical body

I commit myself to live the realization that I am infinite intelligence as the physical body and so quite literally need to know nothing outside of me here

I commit myself to quit the mind as the external search for self and allow myself to realize me here as the body, as my breath

I commit myself to establishing stability within/as myself by stopping the consumption of material as a point of clearing/cleansing myself to work more directly with what is here and within my power to influence/change

I commit myself to seeing, realizing, and understanding I already know everything I need to know to empower myself as all as one as equal

I commit myself to return the authority of me to me as the breath, as my body