Kristina's Journey to Life

Don't be so quick to assume what you experience on a conscious level of your own mind is the real story, and don't be so quick to quit when you are not seeing the results you are looking for in anything you do. This process, life , understanding yourself, developing yourself, changing yourself, creating yourself takes TIME and so within that, our patience to see it through completely. The  Journey to Lifers Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without: Desteni DIP Lite Course  (FREE) DIP Pro Eqafe  (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc) For your Info: Destonian Wiki Equal Life Foundation SOUL (School of Ultimate Living)

Decided it was time to step out of my comfort zone... It's been long overdue and it may just prove to be more practical for the moment. So here we go. Vlog time. The  Journey to Lifers Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without: Desteni DIP Lite Course  (FREE) DIP Pro Eqafe  (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc) For your Info: Destonian Wiki Equal Life Foundation SOUL (School of Ultimate Living)

  A few weeks ago I was at the bank to deposit some money for a client. While I was there, the person behind the counter stopped what she was doing to mention that if the person who was receiving the deposit was not physically in the bank, they would not be able to transfer/wire the funds anywhere. She then explained to me the reason for such a rule, which seems obvious, yet something else came up within me in this moment. To consider the reasons why there are so many 'security checks' at banks - how we will not trust someone calling in asking for money to be wired to another account - is because there are people in this world who would try and take money from someone else if such an opportunity presented itself. Now we could go off into the direction of exploring and understanding why someone would attempt to take money that is not theirs, but rather here I want to explore another direction of this. There is distrust in this world... we do not trust each other because we ...

Free. What does it mean to be free? How do you define 'free'? What if you found out how you defined the word free actually enslaved you to an experience that is lesser than your full potential? In some previous writings, it was revealed that I equate being thin with being free and through this I realized free is a word that I can redefine and actually LIVE for myself through my actions and so no longer limit its definition to be only of a picture in my mind of what free is, which at the moment is a specific body type as being thin. If you are new to the idea of redefining and living words, there is a facebook page dedicated to sharing one's process with redefining words, as well as many videos on youtube explaining the process as well. You can check that out here and here . Essentially I came to know about redefining and living words many years ago and was walking a process with it for quite some time, taking on many words that I wanted to live and express mysel...

And so continuing with walking through this resistance to redefining words with the support of self-forgiveness which allows me to gift of self-empowerment, to change my perspective, and understanding of myself and who I am in relation to resistances, and redefining words. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist redefining words I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea that I just resist redefine words and make this a part of my story as a self-definition I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a resistance to redefining words for quite some time instead of moving through the resistance as I see I am able and ultimately what must be done I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up when facing a resistance to redefining words and not move that extra bit to walk through the resistance as I realize it's possible and can be done, I must only make the decision to ...

The last three days have been insightful. After the last blog I wrote about seeing a word necessary to redefine and live a certain, familiar wall came up. I have for quite some time faced a lot of resistance to the process of redefining words, and this time was no different. And while I'm aware it's something I must simply walk through, that awareness didn't make it any easier, and I basically stopped for a moment. Like gathering myself in preparation of what I must do, which is walk through this resistance. So while having this resistance and not moving through it directly, I also experienced a lot of 'fall backs' if you will in the past three days. The frustrations of not being a certain weight or having a certain look, and the judgments towards food and exercise, and the impatience to walk real change - basically everything I walked in my blogs last week - became a possession within me where most of my weekend my mind was consumed with losing weight, and ...

A couple of blogs ago I wrote an interesting statement - relating being thin/not fat to freedom. It was a subtle slip of words that I didn't necessarily know I even had as an association - but there it was, in my own words. So here is an example of how we define words and according to that definition, we live words. So one dimension of the word freedom in how I define it was to be thin, not fat or overweight, and this definition is justified through images in my mind of certain body types that I defined that if one had, one was free. But now what happens if we are not that - if we are not how we define the words, such as free? If I don't have or my body is not this certain body type in my mind that I define as 'free' then what would my experience be? I am not living the word free in its absolute, purest definition because I don't have this body type which I've equated to being free. And so explains the conflictual experience or part of it, I have to my b...

Yesterday I noticed some emotion come up in relation to the last few blogs - this relationship towards my body, and the points I've been sharing on it - feeling a bit like I've shared 'too much' and in a way blame towards myself for 'making it a big deal'. It's like when you put the focus on it the way I have in dedicating the past few blogs to it, you are shedding a lot of light on something you've for awhile kept in the dark and in doing so, one could sabotage oneself to keep it in the dark by thinking "you shouldn't share that" and "you're making it a bigger problem than it is." It's like the focus of my attention doesn't want to be the actual focus because in that focus, all is seen, or at least that's the process. To see it all because in that seeing, that awareness , one can understand it and ultimately change it. And so the reaction of "it's too much attention on this one, little point" is...

Today I felt a very slight, and very subtle sickness throughout the body. Like a potential for a fever and for some sinus thing happening. I consider it being in relation the point I recently opened up through blogs in relation to my body and my stomach specifically. Today I was a bit more comfortable, not as focused on my body, but noticed I was more paying attention to what I was eating. Taking notes, and taking points essentially – where I was calculating what I was eating, whether it’s going to put weight on or help me lose it and based on what I ate today, I am prepared to gain rather than lose. I had carbs throughout the day, and to me, that is a no no in terms of losing weight. This type of thinking I can see is potential for creating an eating disorder. I mean I am basically existing within the nature of the pattern, where I am too concerned about my body, too concerned about what I eat, too concerned about the outcome the foods will have on my body shape and size. From ...

Today I felt uncomfortable in my body. Feeling like the stomach is a bit bigger than yesterday. Feeling more discouraged, frustrated, and angry. And in that, a wish for it to be different. And while I was well aware of what I've been looking at and realizing the last couple days, the overall sense of dissatisfaction was still present. And while I realize some things cannot possibly change in just a day or two, I was still a bit frustrated that I didn't notice any more stability within me in relation to this point. Last year about this time, I was working out for 2 months straight, almost every day at least an hour a day. I was determined to make a change to my body... but what happened? Nothing. There was absolutely no change in my body. lol - it's kind of funny actually because no matter what I did in terms of exercise, my body did not change. And so what does that tell me? It's not exercise. My lack or continuation of it is not affecting my weight . There is ano...

I am going to share a bit more here my relationship to my body, and more specifically, my stomach. When I was around 10 years old I stopped dancing, which I had been doing for 8 years already, and competitively for the last few of them. I remember being at home and thinking about how I 'must work out' now that I was stopping dance because, from my 10-year-old perspective, I was going to get fat. That's quite a consideration for a 10-year-old... thinking I must work out to 'keep my figure' and hopefully prevent myself from gaining weight. And my target area? My stomach. I then proceeded to put a towel down on the floor in my living room, wearing a short shirt and some shorts, and I began doing sit ups. I must have looked silly, as a friend of the family at the house snapped a picture of me doing this - which I'm sure is still around somewhere at my mother's place. So here I am at 10 years old, deciding that I would have to create my own work out reg...