Kristina's Journey to Life

Approval. As I was sitting outside tonight, reflecting on my past week, I saw the most conflict I had was in relation to this word approval, wherein I still accept and allow myself to believe approval must come from something outside of myself from either my relationship /partner, my parents/family, or my work. Even in the approval of others, as my fear of others not accepting me, I am accepting and allowing this belief that approval MUST come from something or someone outside of myself. So in seeing what I have experienced this past week, I see the solution that is necessary is for me to redefine this word Approval. Instead of seeing/defining it as something that another must give me, or that comes from something that I do as statues-definition, I must realize that approval must come from within and as who I am, as how I live; that what actually matters is that I approve of myself. And if I am not approving of myself, if I am not living Approval, as who I am in a physically, v

Continuing on with the recent points opened in the previous blogs , here I'm going to have a look at a memory I could see was in relation to this avoidance of creating/sustaining relationships with people. I was working as a server at the time, at a place I had been for quite a while; more than a few years at least. It was during the summer and I was on the patio setting up tables and getting it all ready for the lunch shift. At that time, I had been looking at apartments on the West Coast; just getting a general idea of what the cost of living was out there and seeing if and how I could afford to do that. So moving was very much on my mind those days. I'm not sure what specifically triggered the thought pattern I started to participate that morning while opening up the patio for the restaurant that I worked for, but I started to go into justifications as to why I didn't want to or that I saw it wasn't necessary for me to build any lasting or significant relation

Continuing on from the previous blog of self-forgiveness, here with self-corrective statements in how I can establish myself within facing this fear /resistance of building/sustaining relationships with people and how I can from this moment on, change myself in moments when/as this reaction comes up. When and as I see myself fearing creating/building relationships with others, I stop and I breathe and do not participate as believing in the fear. I see, realize, and understand that this is not a practical fear, but an irrational fear that I have created based on past moments, and so I commit myself to deconstruct this fear and remove it from myself as no longer accepting and allowing it to direct me or have influence/power over me within and throughout my life When and as I see myself wanting to keep a distance within myself and others as not wanting to build/sustain relationships with people, I stop and I breathe and do not participate in this 'want' as I see, realize a