Kristina's Journey to Life

So I am starting to see and realize how what I create for myself effects others. Since I have created this ‘time lag’ of not posting up-to-date blogs, I am about 2 weeks behind in posting my JTL blogs – and seeing how this consequence of having to ‘make up’ the lag, posting more than one blog at a time, so that I am posting in ‘real time’ meaning – one day – one blog, instead of one blog from 2 weeks ago, and then writing the one day’s blog – this creates a consequence for others. The Desteni group is busy walking the process of self transformation – and within that, we share many many blogs and vlogs daily. We are constantly publishing throughout the days as well, because we are all over the world, almost in each continent and so we cover almost all the times zones throughout the day – so really, we are constantly present as a group within Desteni. Within this – we support each other, we support the Desteni Message of Equality and Oneness and Equal money and to do that practic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist school work while I am in taking classes I forgive myself that iH ave accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough within the process of education I forgive myself that iH ave accepted and allowed myself to believe I don’t know how to apply myself/get done the responsibilities within school work I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off school work to the last minute wherein I then make it ok within my mind that I am turning assignments in late – only justifying my postponement on the work I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself anytime to apply myself within school work I forgive myself that ih ave accepted and allowed m yself to make school work more complicated then it actually is, thus allow myself to resist doing it within this definition, instead of realizing that I have applied myself effectively, efficiently and pract

Desire for Relationships . I am becoming more aware of it – now it’s about stopping it in the moment to not allow it to influence me. I realize I can enjoy life, and I can have real communication, and I can have real physical intimacy, yet it’s about living within PRINCIPLES – to make/take a stand within my starting point of who I am an not accept any thing less then who I really am, as seeking relationship within self interest. And so this point is about realizing within myself that I do not need a relationship outside of myself, yet it’s okay that I have one - and that everything in existence exists in-relation to each other. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive life without a relationship with another is not a life being lived I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being in a relationship with another is what life is all about I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fee

I have a priority point to deal with. Which is – priority. How I prioritize my life, and it’s time to get self honest about it. What I see, within all the responsibilities that I have, that I tend to do those that ones that I define as “easy” – wherein they do not take up much time. Within this – I am able to get those things consistently done, daily – yet when I am without time at the end of the day, I find that those things or responsibilities that are definitely more of a priority than the others, are being ignored, and so there will be days where they do not get any of my attention or focus. So this is about prioritizing my life and the daily responsibilities that I have to ensure that I am being self honest about what requires attention and what maybe is not as important. As I see myself becoming more effective in not allowing myself to just be entertained throughout my day by doing nothing really, there is still this ‘rush rush rush’ experience of trying to get through everyt

So I see this pattern of not doing something for awhile that requires consistent attention/application – and after sometime of not paying any attention to it, or being inconsistent with it – I then go into this “I have to make up all of this and I will” character. Where I am then playing catch up – adding more to the day’s responsibility that I Have accumulated from the past, and always in a way then stuck in the past . For instance – I am on day 100 of writing – and yet, I have only posted up to day 83.(I am still in the process of “catching up – as currently I am on day 115 for my self writings – and only now am placing this day 100) That’s 17 days I am behind in posting my blogs – and every day it’s the same thoughts , “today I will post at least 2 blogs” yet when it comes time to it, I only post one. And I had this desire to be “caught up” by day 100, so I could make this grand gesture/image presentation of being like, Here I am, day 100 and caught up on my blogs, and from her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for what I’ve done in my life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear never being able to forgive myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear never being able to let go of what I’ve done in my life I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I have been in my life and what I’ve done and within this judgment believe I do not deserve to be forgiven I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I do not deserve to forgive myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate who I have been in my life I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to live in such ways where I accept myself to hate myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for lying to other people I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself t

I was driving home, and I was thinking about if I was going to write a blog tonight, and contemplating the very early morning I have tomorrow, and what still I had left to do tonight. Then all of a sudden, I said to myself, out loud, where am I? I did not recognize the street I was on, and was completely unaware of the ride up until that point – which is scary really, as I was on the street I normally am when driving home from work. This time, I was not aware, I was not breathing – I was thinking and contemplating in my head about some future plans, and then the realization that for a moment – I didn't know where I was. Which is what we are doing when busy in our heads – thinking and not at all aware of our moment to moment reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist without awareness when I am thinking and participating in thoughts and future projections within my mind I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be aware of myself as

Weird – negative energy charge – something that is odd and different from ‘normal’ and negative in general. Like something “out of place” or “not in line” or something strange and unusual. So this is how I define myself? Why? I have always had this experience growing up of fear of people thinking, “I’m weird” and I have had some say that too me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘weird’ in separation of myself here through placing a negative energy charge within it – defining it as ‘bad’ and ‘negative’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word weird in separation in accepting to be of a polarity as ‘ not good /positive’ and so ‘bad/negative’ I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word weird as being something that is unusually and thus negative and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define something that is unusually as being negativ

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear communication with others I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not speaking directly with another about myself and my experience of myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back myself as self expression in communication with another based within and as fear I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself from myself as another in communication based within and as fear I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate fear of communicating with another through accepting and allowing myself to not speak directly and in honesty and openness about myself in what I experience, within and without I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by fear in communication with another through NOT communicating in self honest – as being real communication I forgive myself tha

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read into other people's words I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine there is something else being said in other people's words I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume to know what other people's experiences are in relation to me, and believe there words have a hidden meaning behind them, instead of simply being here physically with the words spoken and not attach anything else to them - simply be what they are as the words spoken I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to other people's words with ideas and thoughts of my own about 'what they are actually saying' I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people speak words they don't actually mean and thus believe there is more they are saying behind the words they speak I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to