19 March 2015

400: Shattering the Definitions of Me

The following is self-forgiveness in relation to yesterday's blog:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to another and her daughter when I saw the behavior of them checking themselves out in the reflection of the window… as judging them as shallow and limited to have such a concern about constantly seeing what they look like, without realizing this is the same behavior I participate within and act out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly think and need I have to look at my own reflection in the mirror, as a constant point of validation and checking as to whether I look acceptable or not, based within the starting point of fear and desire where I fear what others will think of me and desire to be accepted by them through how I look

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a positive energy experience when I see my reflection in the mirror and I look as I would define acceptable or even attractive and to from here, experience confidence and security as a validation that “I’m okay” and to then from this moment, move within this positive energy as a character that uses the energy for my motivation to move as I think and believe that because I see my reflection as attractive, others will see me as attractive and so somehow I am safe within the groups of people I am interacting with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this behavior of always looking in the mirror/reflection of a window when the opportunity arises through constantly doing it, and so conditioning myself to create it as automatic instead of stopping this participation/habit of ‘needing’ to look in the mirror to validate a self-worth that I've given to my physical presentation rather than who I am as a being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself as self-worth, and value through placing it within a picture image of myself that I see in a reflection or mirror

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who display this same behavior I've participated within, as being shallow and limited

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for constantly looking in the mirror as a reference of some self-validation that I expect to get from a mirror, and to within this be ashamed of such a behavior or mental construct without realizing that in judging myself or being ashamed of it, I am not able to change it as I am dis-empowering myself in relation to it rather than facing it in self-honesty that this is me, this is what I've accepted and allowed of myself – as needing a mirror to tell me who I am and how I must experience myself and only from facing this within self-honesty am I able to change it as realizing there is more to me that I am not yet allowing myself to honor and nurture in such behavior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a behavior of constantly looking in a mirror or window reflection when I see one as a constant point of needing validation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate myself through looking in a mirror and defining myself as attractive, and to within this, feel good about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to invalidate myself through looking in a mirror and defining myself as unattractive, and to within this, feel shitty about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to invalidate myself through looking in a mirror as the source for self-worth, and self-value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself to be a narcissist where I am so consumed and obsessed with my own image, that I am constantly stuck in the reflection of me as what I see in a mirror, that I cannot see the world around me, the reality that is here equal for all, or the universe I am as my physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I ‘look good’, then I am ‘good’ in the context of existence and in relation to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate my self-security to be in an image of myself in a mirror, and how I think others see me

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I think others think of me in terms of the way that I look, is simply a projection of myself and my own mind where if one gives me positive feedback on the way that I look, yet I have defined myself already within a negative context of not looking good (according to my definition of what looks good and what doesn’t look good) then it doesn't matter, I still think and believe others are seeing me as I see myself through my own mind and thus always only seeing me as a reflection of my own mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my looks to find security and validation and worth and value in this world instead of realizing it is a construct of this world, an act of separation that keeps people in competition and so divided and so easily concurred

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of ugly/beauty that exists of this world – where some have and some have not – some are defined as pretty and others are not, and in this placing all of me as who I am within this one limited picture of myself and so not develop any other parts of myself

Self-corrective/commitment statements in the blogs to follow...






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