31 August 2014

366: Resistance to Forming Relationships

I have been recently re-directing myself towards a new business venture for myself, and the one thing I see most necessary for me to be successful in the business is to form connections and relationships with people. Within seeing this as a practical part of the business, there is a resistance to forming connections/relationships with people. And from there, seeing just how much I avoid building relationships with people; it's as if I have thrown in the towel in getting to know and sustaining relationships with people. Like my preference has become to be alone, or work with those i am most comfortable with. yet I realize that if I do not move past this, and get over the fear, which is in essence what this resistance is, I will not be successful in anything I do because human relationships and interactions is the basis of our world system/reality. So self forgiveness here for the general point I see I am facing to open it up more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear building, creating and sustaining relationships in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep a distance between me and others as a way to not have to face the difficulties of relationships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relationships as difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relationships with others as difficult, and something I didn't really want to participate in with much, because I felt like I had to try so hard for others to like me – or had the belief that this is what I must do, and so in the end, feeling like it was hard work sustaining relationships as I was trying to sustain me as someone others like and so wanted to avoid them all together

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relationships as useless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, based on past memories of past relationships, define them as useless in thinking and believing they will turn out how others have in the past, which is in conflict and turmoil and never lasting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist building relationships with others, as a fear of interacting with them, as a fear of myself within interaction with others – in facing who I am and how I experience myself; all the thoughts, and beliefs, and ideas, and fears that I have constructed throughout my life that now exist as constructs in my mind in relation to interaction and forming/creating relationship with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wanted to have few relationships within my life, as a way to protect myself from the negative emotions I have come to believe relationships exists as – as them always turning into arguments or conflict, and thus want to avoid it all together

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this world is run on relationships and who we are within those relationships defines the purpose of the relationships and whether that relationship is beneficial to others as well as myself, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist forming the one thing in this world that allows movement in this world that could be best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist creating personal relationship with others, as creating connections, because I feel more secure within myself when I am alone, or with those that I feel most comfortable with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to form relationships/connections with others because I think there is no reason, and it will just end up not working out, or there will be conflict, or it will be difficult, instead of realizing that I must be willing to and actually work with others in order to fulfill the goals I have for myself and so I must step outside of my comfort zone and get to know others

Self-corrective statements in the blog to follow.

Also within this I see a memory attached to a time when I saw how I would deliberately avoiding relationships with others, like justifying in my mind why I didn't want to spend time getting to know people for real, or creating or sustaining relationships with others, because of the fact that I was 'going to move anyway'. And this time in my life, I was set on moving away from home, to another state, and so saw how within this desire to move, I justified why I didn't have to or should bother with sustaining any relationships with anyone, because I would be moving anyways. So in the next few blogs, I will walk the SF in relation to this memory.



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