06 March 2014

Day 325: What are My Reasons for Wanting to Change?

Continuing from yesterday's blog, "324: Hyped Up on Making Changes? Time Reveals whether it's real".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'hype myself up' when making changes within my life as if to give myself the reward of positive energy and accept that to be the extent to which I am satisfied with change - when it makes me 'feel good', yet not actually walking within the physical process of ensuring my changes are lasting, for real and standing the test of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick myself into thinking I am making real, everlasting changes when/as I experience a positive energy rush as the self reward that I use to define myself as 'doing well' or 'doing good' and to within this think, 'yes, I have changed' when actually such a reaction reveal I have not done enough yet in terms of making sure I was/am 'clear' within my starting point of the actual decision to change - seeing/realizing/understanding here that if, within days of making changes, I am pumping myself up with positive energy in relation to any changes I have made, then I was making/applying changes in my life for the wrong reasons, as this is not the reason to make changes, to just make myself feel better, it's to actually see who one is in relation to a particular/specific point and to take responsibility to physically walk a process of correcting/changing something about me/ my life/how I live to be from self interest as the ego into aligning myself to what is best for all, walking in physical space and time process of constant and continuous change, here, breath by breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a starting point of making changes just to make myself feel better or to define myself as somehow superior when I do make changes - revealing my changes are to serve my self interest as ego and not within a starting point of self honesty as the responsibility I see within me to support myself within physical life and living, that requires to be changed from the mind seeking energy rewards to actual, physical life and living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince myself that 'I have changed' after a few moments or days or opportunities where I do in fact apply change in my life yet go straight into a positive energy reward to uplift and define myself as better than I was and thus trying to make myself more than I am instead of realizing that time will tell if I am actually clear and self honest within me as the changes I am making and so I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the process of 'hyping myself up' in relation to changes I am making, instead of sticking to the principle and the solutions I have given to myself in relation to making changes in my physical life and living and not go into the mind/energy as this is not changing, this is remaining the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the polarity construct I am allowing within myself/my mind when I go into a positive experience after a few times/moments/days of making changes instead of realizing that clearly my starting point was from within/as a negative energy/experience, where from the negative I move to attain the opposite polarity as the positive and so when/as I experience the positive, I must stop and go back to where I started from and align myself back to a physical, practical change and not one based in the mind as fear or worry or some negative experience that propelled me into making some kind of changes - realizing this is not self movement or self direction - it is of the mind moving from one polarity to the next

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the mind consists of polarity and so if/as I am within a positive energy experience, that is because I have moved from within/as a negative energy experience and so here realizing the responsibility I have to 'see where I started' from as that which 'caused' and triggered the movement into the positive, being to 'get away', deny, suppress or ignore the negative experience and so here I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to always question the positive energy experiences I have and see the gift of the awareness of stopping this positive energy and thus the cross reference point I have to realize okay, I have moved from a negative starting point and so I must go back and see where/how/why I made the decision I did to apply changes and remove any negative ideas, thoughts, self definitions that would to cause me to exist in polarity as desiring the opposite experience as the positive

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the cross reference point I have as the mind when/as I see myself within a positive energy experience in relation to making changes within my life, as I now see/realize/understand that I have moved from a starting point of separation, of the mind, based on thoughts,imaginations, fears, worries, future projections - something within my mind that moved me to make changes to suppress the negative experience in relation to the specific point and to then seek out the positive experience I then accept and allow myself to go into once I have given myself a few moments/days/opportunities of changing the particular point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I am within a positive energy experience after a few days/moments/opportunities of seizing the change that is here, then that implies I am doing something well instead of realizing I am only blinding myself within the feel good experience as to not have to face where I started from, where I moved from, what moved me to go into the positive energy experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a negative starting point of making changes within my life instead of within a starting point of self honesty and thus self responsibility and so as self support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so quick to praise myself when/as I am making changes in my day to day living, instead of remaining with breath, as the physical space and time walk to always check to see who I am and if I am in fact walking real changes that will stand the test of time, or only temporarily giving myself a boost of energy as positive feedback that I fool myself with to believe that I am changing when in fact I am not

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to always check/self investigate myself when/as I see I am deciding to make some changes in my life and within myself to ensure I am moving me from the starting point of self honesty, self responsibility and thus as what is best for all

Will continue...



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