15 February 2014

316: Rebelling Against my Own Creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use my days to the best of my ability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to expect a struggle within my days in terms of moving myself to do what is necessary to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the responsibilities I have to school, my process and other priorities due to not being fed the positive feelings/energies that I find in other activities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value positive feelings as energy within certain activities more than physical movement as action within what is necessary to be done in a day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in at the slightest of resistance to the responsibilities within my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to do something if it produce positive/good feelings for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my daily responsibilities within a negative definition as ‘work’ and to thus want to do the positive definition of ‘resting’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as something negative, hard and challenging and thus create a resistance to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not motivated enough to do what is necessary to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define responsibilities within my day as that which I ‘have to do’ and so creating a force within myself that says “I must do this’ and so in this definition, create a resistance as wanting to rebel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rebel against myself as that which I've defined as responsibilities within my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to exist within my wants of how I would like to live as getting the most positive energy I can, instead of what is physically practical and effective in order for me to create a life that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my day to day living as monotonous and to within this – create a resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design myself within my days as so systematized that I have not allowed myself to create any creativity wherein I allow myself to express in other ways than simply following the ‘to do’ list

When and as I see myself resisting my daily work as responsibilities as that which is necessary to be done, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the negative energy reaction that I see/realize/understand the resistance is as wanting to avoid that which I believe will not give me the most positive energy outcome, and so I commit myself to redefine work and responsibility as no longer carrying a negative undertone and so thus no longer accepting and allowing my experience to be influence by how I define the words and so instead I commit myself to redefine the words work and responsibility as practical, physical actions as that which is necessary to be done in a day and so an actual living application of moving and applying myself and participating in this physical reality - realizing here the support of the day to day work and responsibilities as physical actions that support me to get out of my head and back HERE, into physical reality where no positive or negative energy is required to move myself and so bringing myself back here, out of the mind, out of polarity definitions I've given to things in my life and instead walking breath by breath, practicing being here, moving myself, becoming self directive and no longer requiring energy as a reward to move

When and as I see myself reacting to the routine of my day to day work and responsibility as boring and monotonous, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the reaction as I see, understand and realize can lead to the polarity reaction of wanting to rest and get positive energy as rebelling against my system/routine and so here I commit myself to give myself time and space within my day that is not on my 'to do list' and instead pushing the point of self expression and doing something more creative and fun for myself and so not allowing myself to become so systematized, in where I do not allow for anything outside of 'what is necessary to be done' and instead find ways to enjoy myself outside of my schedule - here giving myself room to do more than what I've planned in my day



Featured Artwork By: Andrew Gable and Kelly Posey

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