11 October 2013

259: Forgiving the Search for Self Worth

Yesterday’s blog was my ranting and raving on this point I've participated in throughout my life within relationships. They were the main players in my search to fill my self worth. Obviously indicating I was not seeing, accepting, living or embracing worth within myself in any way and actually believed that another could give this or offer this to me. I've known for some time now that is absolutely not true and the only way to know real worth is to live it as myself as who I am, how I live, the principles I live by and to no longer accepting and allowing the abuse of myself and others that is created within seeking self worth in separation of myself. So self forgiveness


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe self worth can be and will be found in a relationship with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is no way one can find SELF worth in another as the words indicate – SELF worth – can only exist within and lived as SELF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the responsibility of my own self worth through placing the responsibility onto another to give it to me, to express it to me, to communicate it to me – to expect them to be this point for me as I was unwilling to live/give it as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to live self worth as who I am within accepting the initial idea about myself that I am not good enough, not worthy enough and thus begin the process and search of looking outside myself for self worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within relationships within a starting point of separation and dishonesty through thinking and believing another could give to me my sense of self worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse relationships throughout my life for my own self interested search of self worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self worth as a relationship outside and separate from me here, with another, in how they speak, act and express themselves towards me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if my partner says nice things about me and to me then I am worthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self worth in how another acts towards me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self worth in how I interpret another's words and behavior towards me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I do not have points in a relationship where my self worth is validated simply by not giving to me that which I expect to find – which is a sense of security within feeling worthy in a relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being in a relationship as being worthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self worth in a relationship to be when my partner shows me in show many ways they want to be with me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only relationship where I can find/create/live/express worth as what is actually valid and real is within/as the relationship I have with myself and if I am looking outside of this relationship with my-self, then I am obviously not paying attention to the relationship that matters - which is the one with me, here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe if I am not in a relationship then I am worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if one is not in a relationship then they are missing out in life – they are not complete

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my self worth to be that of things in which I have received in past relationships such as compliments and another telling me I’m beautiful and that eagerness they express to me that I am the one they want and to within this, use it to feed my ego as being special and beautiful in which I have also defined as my self worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my current relationship/agreement to the ones of my past and to within this think there is something wrong as I am not receiving that which I 'normally' would in a relationship and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject and define my current relationship through comparisons and judgments of my past relationships and to within this - miss the points of embracing what is here and how I can support myself and another to actually create a relationship of real worth where each stand individually and responsible as an equal participant in the creation of the relationship and thus without any expectations or wants from each other and thus can give and express unconditionally as the real worthiness of relationships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self worth to that of beauty instead of realizing that beauty is a perception and not something real in this world as how we have come to define beauty – it is only a picture we have given value to in which we place as some more than others and thus creating some as less than others and thus sustaining life of inequality for all as we place all within a value system based on judgments of something that is in fact an illusion as how we perceive others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my self worth within an illusory idea created within my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not worthy if my partner does not express things to me specifically that I can interpret as meaning “I am worthy and good enough”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my self worth in separation of me here within the responsibility of another and thus enslaving myself and my self worth into another and then create a dependency on another for my sense of self worth and if I don’t receive that, react and think there is something wrong with me or the relationship instead of realizing what is ‘wrong’ here is thinking that another can give me real self worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another for my belief of a need for self worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self worth to be that which feeds my ego of being special wherein my worth is defined according to how others see me and within the desire to be more than others and special and to within this, never question any relationship within my life that offers me this experience of positive feelings as being self worth and only question relationships where I do not get this point of self worth instead of realizing the reverse reality I am participating in where I should be questioning any relationship where I feel better within, within thinking that another gives to me my sense of self worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough and unworthy when not in a relationship with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my relationships with others to be that which something only supports and benefits me yet only as a mind and not as actual life and thus cut myself off from actually growing and expanding in a relationship, within myself and equally with another where both stop participating in the needs of asking the other to fulfill self and instead live self fulfilled to then be able to exist together without self interest serving a purpose and thus actually move towards and within self expression, unconditional

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within relationships for my own self interest of finding my self worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look towards relationships to give to me a sense of self worth instead of finding ways I can live self worth here as myself, in each moment, as each day – living in ways that support me to expand me into a being of self honesty, integrity and real care in this world where I stop the endless search for my self interest as self worth and instead find ways to change myself and this world into what is best for all as I see/realize/understand that what currently exists within me and within this world Is worthless and does not honor real life – it only honors the mind as ego where we play the game of believing we are something we are not and all the while real life goes without our attention or care

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about how I feel and what a relationship can offer to me in the form of my self worth instead of what is actually going on in this world where millions suffer needlessly – which exposes the unworthiness we have become to actually be life and support life

I will continue with the corrective and commitment statement in the following blog...


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