07 July 2013

212: Conditional Expectations in Communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dissatisfied in communication with another in defining our communication as nothing of substance because we were talking about things I was not interested in and to within this think and believe another was avoiding something or resisting communication with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word communication and the physical action thereof to be within the limited definition of my mind as either being 'of substance or not' in defining it within certain topics or points where if they are not how i define them accordingly, then I will judge the communication and thus reveal I am not unconditionally here as myself as communication with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have rather communicated about specific topics that I have defined to be of 'more substance' as a limited judgment within my mind, instead of perhaps directing the communication as I would have liked wherein if I saw points I wanted to communicate about – to bring them up instead of allowing another to be the authority of the communication and within this not make any suggestions for discussions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of directing the communication in speaking about specific points or topics that I wanted to, instead blame another for my own submission and acceptance of the communication and so within this not actually live a solution but instead blame another as projecting my self responsibility of myself within communication onto them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations in communication with another – wherein I did not like our communication because I felt there was nothing of substance – seeing in the beginning there was but then consider the last part to be boring and not stimulating or things I would have liked to discuss
  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet see the point here I am facing in regards to the experience I had after communicating with another where it’s like I went into this point of “that was not good enough” in having expectations of the communication perhaps through comparing it to the previous communications where I felt we were moving through points that mattered and felt there was movement within our communication and the connection being made within the communication – yet here question whether what I am looking for in communication is the energy fix of speaking about certain topics

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disinterested in communication with another when they want to talk about things I define as not interesting or that do not give me the energy fix I am seeking 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self interest in communication with others wherein I only consider what i want to speak about and not consider another as my equal in realizing they might have something they also want to speak about and thus not judge what is here or comes up in communication, but instead stand clear and without judgments or the limited version of me as my self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use communication with others as a means for my own self interest of feeling an energy fix, where if the points being discussed do not stimulate me in some way then I become disinterested in the communication and dissatisfied

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to talk about specific topics and points in communication with others because that is where my attention and focus is going - to a limited perception and awareness of myself and what is currently here as my life and so desire to just focus is on the point that I receive the most energy stimulation

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to experience disappointment after communication with another in anticipation of a different kind of communication where I wanted to talk about other things, things I would define to 'matter' – instead of just chatting about this or that as nothing to serious or important

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe another was holding something back in communication and using certain topics and points and what not, as a way to avoid or distract from a point as not facing something - and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to reflect this back to myself in realizing it is me and so investigate and take responsibility for who I am within communication - when am I holding something back or resisting in communication as to not face myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold back and resist facing myself in communication with others and then to project this as a form of blame on another another when I experience dissatisfaction in communication - revealing that what I am holding back is my intention as not being unconditional in communication with others in looking for ways to fulfill my self interest instead of being unconditionally here with another without expectations or need to receive something within communication and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing this part of myself as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as needing communication that stimulates and feeds me energy to sustain the self definition of my ego as not being here unconditionally with another as my equal in/as communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet see the self honesty here within this point as what my responsibility was because there is a point in regards to ‘directing communication’ and not satisfied within the communication with another – almost like it was a waste and so within this not knowing if this is a real consideration or just my mind’s expectations being let down or my need for energy in how I find some communication with others to be more stimulating than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a let down after communication with another - revealing I was within expectation and not unconditionally here as the communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine and project another having an experience after communication in judging themselves perhaps for how there was no real substance within the communication – it was more just a ‘whatever chat’ and within this go into my mind wondering if this is a point another is contemplating instead of directing the point back to myself in terms of looking at what is here within myself – where am I responsible, what is this experience and how can I direct myself within this as moving within self honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider bringing this point up in communication with another yet not wanting to because I think that I am being paranoid or feeding my expectations and so don’t want to ‘make a big deal’ yet if it is here why not bring it up at least to clarify

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge some communication with another as better than others
  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into paranoia within myself when communication with another is not like some we have had in the past where it’s like there is real communication about real stuff that matters and then when that does not happen, according to how I define the communication, feel disappointed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not communicate with another unconditionally within having no expectations of ‘what’ the communication will be about and also expecting something in return, where I expect an experience as energy that makes me feel good and gives me excitement and hope of 'whats to come' 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the past as defining past communication with another as 'good' and within the positive polarity charge that I use to get energy as feeling good and thus expect and want this to continue and when it does not, react within myself because I am not getting my energy fix

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I would like to discuss something specific in communication than I have the ability to direct myself to do so and to sit and allow myself to back chat and react to communication with another because it did not 'go the way I wanted' is not a solution and only fuel this point of separation from my self responsibility even more and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into back chats as disappointment in communication with another instead of stopping and breathing and questioning myself within that moment as to what I am expecting or wanting in the communication and whether it is in fact self honest or deceptive as seeking an ulterior motive such as an energy fix and so within this I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to trust the experience of disappointment within myself after communication with another instead of realizing this reveals that I was holding onto expectations

When and as I see myself existing within ideas and expectations within my mind as holding onto past moments in relation to communication with others - I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to the realization that this is expectation that is CONditional in nature and leads to disappointment and so I stop and I breathe and I clear myself from/as the expectation in allowing myself to stand here, clear, and without needs or desires from the communication as this implies I require something within communication instead of realizing all that is required of me is to be here, directing myself and the communication as effectively as I see possible and I am able and so I commit myself to stop ulterior motives within communication with another as needing an energy fix of excitement or self definitions that 'things are cool' instead of simply being here, stable, clear and effective in no longer allowing a conditional nature as myself that exists within expectations without giving fully as I would like to receive


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