13 April 2013

144 - 21-Day Breathing Challenge - the Excuses I've Used to not Breathe: Day 1

Today I woke up with the breathing challenge on my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up first thing in the morning in/as thoughts instead of breathing as a point of establishing myself back into reality, fully awake, here and ready to direct myself within/as my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up with thoughts of fear about what the day lay ahead for me, as the challenge that I am taking on and that I will not be able to do it and I will see just how much I am a failure and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure before I had even begun and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the thoughts that tell me I am a failure before I even begin instead of simply seeing, breathing in, stopping/clearing the thoughts and breath out, establishing and affirming to myself who I am and what I will and will not accept and allow within/as myself

So today, I pretty much saw who I have been within my relationship to my physical body/my breathing. It is throughout the day where I am mostly not aware of my breath, only some moments will I really bring myself back to breath, but these moments are few and far between. I am more often then not, not aware of myself as the breath as when I do breath, I forget to continue the application and go on without any awareness of/as my physical body. So today was really a reminder of who I have been, yet it is cool to take this point on/this journey/this challenge as I am pushing myself to direct myself more effectively as I know I am capable, I just have to be that point of change of now actually living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to so completely separate myself from/as my physical body that I am not fully aware of each breath I take

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question why I am not aware of/as each breath I take and simply accept the reality that 'my body breathes' but "I" do not - clearly revealing the separation that exists wherein I am not equal to and one with/as my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in my mind as my thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions/beliefs/future projections/memories more than that which gives and is life - my physical body that breathes

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that who I am in separation of my physical body is the exact same relationship/equal to and one with this world and how it currently exists - where we have so totally separated ourselves from our physical reality as our environment/the earth, that we have no regard to it's health, to the health of the animal kingdom, the plant kingdom; all of earth we are so not aware of as being who we are in fact equal to and one with/as the substance of/as the physical - as the earth being our physical bodies that breathes/gives us life is the same as who we are each as individuals, so not aware, here with/as our actual human physical bodies that breathes/gives us life and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from/as the physical body of/as this earth from which I come/I am, equal to and one with how I have separated myself from/as my human physical body because I have given value to the imaginary/illusionary reality within/as my mind - believing that that is real in all it reflects and that this physical reality is the illusion - not ever questioning this acceptance as I can clearly see that what I accept and allow within/as me, I accept and allow within/as this earth and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize my responsibility to what I accept and allow within/as who I am that supports what exists here/as this physical reality

So the moments where I see myself really 'losing myself' in terms of going into my mind is when I am taking a shower in the morning, cooking/preparing my meals, interacting/communicating with others in my immediate environment and especially while I am at work. When I am at work, it's like I completely let go of this point of breathing because - well I have justified it to be that it's just a 'fast pace' environment and that there is too much happening around me to really be able to breathe, yet I realize that this is just a justification to not push myself to breathe. I realize that I do not require to do the 4-count breath throughout my whole day, yet I do know what it means and have experienced simply breathing with the body, naturally, and I am able to do this throughout my day - yet this is the habit I am creating and so I will not condemn myself for what I am seeing, I will use this as support to flag such moments to really take control and slow myself down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my reasons for not breathing to be because of the environment that I work in is 'fast paced' instead of realizing that just because my environment/physical reality is moving fast, does not mean I have to, I can stand stable and breathe within/as such an environment as I realize to think otherwise is a limitation and abdication of responsibility as I am then saying that my environment is determining who I am in each moment and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility to who I am within/as breathing to/towards my external/physical reality instead of realizing that no matter where I am or what type of environment I am in, my body still breathes and so I am able to stand equal to and one with/as my body that breathes and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself the excuse as arguing for my limitation that I cannot breathe with/as my body just because of the environment in which I find myself

Another point I have seen throughout my process thus far is that when I see I am not breathing, I will use another means to justify why - I will tell myself that "I am here' because I am aware of my physical body and my physical environment, such as the sounds and what is around me like my cats, yet then why am I not breathing as the total awareness? I mean yes, being aware of my physical body as feeling my hands and my toes and hearing the sounds around me is cool support in 'being here' yet I see how I have used this excuse once I see I have been in my head thinking and not here breathing, and I know this is separation as well because when I 'come back' it's like the time flew by; it happened so fast and so I see this is revealing the necessity of breathing as slowing myself down to really see/be/live each moment I am here in seeing what is really go on within my as my mind because I have seen just how tricky the mind can be as manipulating myself to justify why I exist the way that I do as to not have to fully investigate or change myself and so I will also flag such a point for myself throughout the next 21 days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification for not breathing to be that of, "well I'm still here because I hear the sounds around me and I am aware of my hands and toes" - yet not breathing in these moments and not investigating 'why' as far as what was distracting me in my mind as I see/realize/understand that such moments of not breathing but "being aware' is only seen once I have returned to my breath and so in that moment of not breathing, I was somewhere 'up there' in my head accessing some dimensions within my mind, instead of here, breathing and directing myself as each moments and so I commit myself to flag such moments for myself to really have a look/investigate 'where I was' in such moments, where I went within my mind as to release the pattern from myself

I commit myself to slowing myself as this 21-day breathing challenge and to flag the moments I see here where I tend to 'fall in to the mind, such as showering, cooking, speaking with others in my reality and at work

I commit myself to wake myself in the morning with/as breathing to assert myself 'here' as the directive principle equal to and one with/as this reality to direct myself throughout my day to be able to live the most effective I can

I commit myself to becoming aware of what is happening within my mind when I see I am not breathing, to identify what is distracting me from physical reality to be able to sort it out within myself as writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements

I commit myself to living self honesty as each breath I take

I commit myself to pushing myself to always 'bring myself back' here within/as my breathing, equal to and one with/as my physical body, equal to and one with/as this physical reality

And so we will continue...

Featured Artwork By: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

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