01 March 2013

Day 120 Protection, Prevention and Support

Here a point of reaction when being 'exposed' as in facing myself - in seeing how I was behaving,who I was in relation to others, what I was accepting and allowing and from what starting point - that of being self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to not receiving a reply back from another as the thoughts of “I fucked up, I know I fucked up and now I am embarrassed”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the way I played out the relationship with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience feelings of embarrassment for being exposed, to myself, and to others about how I was existing within self interest in my communication with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being exposed as a manipulator and now fear another hates me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how another perceives me now that I have become self honest and exposed this point of manipulating them for my own self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I had never exposed these point I was participating within of self interest in communicating with another– fear they now think less of me, think less of me as the process I am walking and my ‘image’ is forever tarnished

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to protect the self image of self interest I portrayed in an attempt to manipulate another and within this fear I have been exposed and what consequences that could bring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I have forever ruined another and their process within my manipulation of them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is no redemption for my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within reaction instead of prevention – preventing myself from existing within self interest instead of allowing my self interest and then play it out and then become exposed and have to face it and then only then will I decide I have to/will change- when in reality, there is no other choice because the points haven been exposed

I forgive myself that I have not realized that real self responsibility is preventing the abuse of life as existing within self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my actions of self interest only now that I have been exposed within myself and for others to see – now believing I am taking self responsibility when in fact I allowed myself to manipulate another within my own self interest and thus have to now face the consequences – stopping this in the moment of seeing/realizing what I was doing is preventing the abuse to occur

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately act out self interest with another when I saw what I was doing and not slow myself down in the moment with/as breath to realize the consequences of my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the wake of realizing my self interest – still hold onto my self interest within fear of how others will now see me – attempting to protect my innocence as my self image instead of realizing the support within the shame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the abuse that is continued to be allowed through protecting the self image as being 'tarnished' within fearing how others see me, instead of stopping the image as the illusion I have created that I believe I have to protect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self judgments for the process of exposure, exposing myself to myself and consequentially to others, instead of stopping and supporting myself to accept myself in the moment, as I now see/realize/understand what I was accepting and allowing and within this is the opportunity to change, to never again allow self interest to direct me, yet allowing myself to realize the process, of slowing down and perhaps having to make mistakes as it will take commitment over and over again to myself to change and this is the process I walk

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize that I must stand unconditionally as accepting who I am as being self responsible for myself, as I see/realize/understand that until I see/realize/understand who I am as my nature, in all ways and all dimensions, I will never be able to fully and actually change and so I embrace this process of exposure, self honesty and self forgiveness, to reveal to myself and to others that change is possible - redemption is possible, forgiveness is possible.

And so I commit myself to continue to face myself and to no longer allow self judgments to arise when I am faced with the destruction and abuse of my self interest, and instead embrace is and see it and stand equal to it within taking responsibility for myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as I see/realize/understand this is the only way I will be able to change, once I realize this is me and provide myself practical solutions to no longer live patterns I see do not support myself or what is best for all. And so I commit myself to continue walking my journey to life and take advantage of the support that is here, as me, as my mind and as others walking the same process - sharing in their process and realizations and practical support. Grateful to be here and grateful to be walking.

Featured Artwork By: Joe Kou

The Journey to Lifers

Take Responsibility for what is HERE as this world, within AND without:
Desteni
Equal Money
DIP Lite Course (FREE)
DIP Pro
Eqafe (Self Perfection music, books, audio, etc)