26 November 2012

Day 93- Observer as the Mind - Breathing is Living

This blog is in relation to the various mind influences I can have when facing a person or situation. Wherein I will go into my head, within thoughts, and consider all 'what if's and what about this or what about that and should I do this, or should I do that?' It's like completing disregarding the physical interaction or experience with another with thoughts about how to be and 'what it means' - as if interactions or communications require some form of code to decipher. So this point is of interpreting physical reality within the mind's own perceptions and simply not allowing myself to be here, breathing and simply expressing in the moment - yet attempt to 'figure out' a way 'to be' based on how I am interpreting reality.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret my reality and interactions with others with my mind, as thoughts and feelings and emotions, instead of realizing this is a program construct in which I have created to secure my self interest of survival, where I believe I have to protect myself from some unseen force that will somehow hurt or ruin me



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed ymself to beleive there is some hidden meaning in all situations and interactions with others, attempting to 'find what I'm missing' within my mind, wherein I replay events and conversations as if I am finding something more that was here instead of simply BEING HERE, without the vastness of interpretation my mind can impose on reality



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into my mind in considering conversations with others in THINKING and believing there is something I am missing and I must find that missing piece that will somehow give me clarity in how I must be with someone - again that justifying the instability of personalities and characters I play depending upon the environment and people I am in/around



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and wonder in my mind as future projections of being with or communicating with another in some separate reality that does not exist - losing myself from the actual reality that is here as the moment of breath, and instead exist within my mind of ideas and scenarios of how a situation will play out or deciding upon who I should be/how I should be in that moment that is not even here



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self judgment when participating in future projections within my mind of how an experience will be in communication or being with another - wherein I believe depending upon how I am interpreting our interactions, I will decide I 'must be this way ' or 'be that way' and thus judge myself as simply being here, just being me, in self honesty without the need to present an image of myself based on how I interpret another and our relationship



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from real communication and interaction with another through existing in my mind as thoughts and ideas about what our interaction means, what was implied, what it represents, instead of allowing to simply be what it is - two or more human beings communicating and interacting in physical reality



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through my mind, attempt to make an interaction or communication with another more then what it is through thinking there is some hidden meaning to words spoken



I forgive myself that i Have not yet allowed myself to simple be with my breath in each and every single moment, being here, expressing and enjoying myself as who I really am without pretending to be something more then I am through how I have interpreted myself and my interactions with another



I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to completely miss the reality of my being in the presence of another - to reality of equality and oneness as who we really are, through existing in my mind within thoughts about what it means or allowing future projections to take over in guiding me through deciding on what will come of it and from there decide who I will be



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from physical reality through existing in the mind as thoughts and feelings and emotions and ideas and future projections, and not simply breathing here, as life, actually living for real



I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to seek answers separate from me here in the quest I go on within my mind wherein I am looking for something, some greater meaning, some enlieghtened clarity that will somehow change something for me, instead of realizing the trap I am placing myself within in confining myself and my interactions with others to exist only within my mind in limiting to to be 'this or that' - instead of simply be here, one and equal, with all that is here as me and thus finding out for real what is life and what it means to live and to actually communicate with another in complete self honesty



When and as I see myself participating in my mind as thoughts and interpretations and future projections about being and interacting with another - I stop and I breathe, and I realize that within this I am existing in self interest, as I see/realize/understand that I am attempting to decide who I must be in order to get what i want from another and within this judging myself as not good enough to be who I am in each moment of breath and so I stop this separation and breathe here, bringing myself back to reality, back to where life is



When and as I see myself attempting to interpret reality as if there is something more that I am not seeing, I stop and I breathe and I realize that life is not about observing, it is about action and the action that is best for all is to breathe - being equal and one with/as life as the breathe of the body



Featured Artwork by: Rozelle De Lange



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