So when I got home I went straight to bed. And slept all night.
Woke up and realized I didn’t write my blog. First I told myself that I could just continue without starting over because it was still early enough. Then I told myself, no I have to start over. But I really did not want to start over. Because I have already made it this far. So I guess there is some disappointment in missing it. Like, fuck, now I have to start over. But what’s the big deal. I’m blogging for life – to support myself and others and life and to redesign myself. To change myself. To see what is really hear. But I see there could be more self honesty. More humbleness. Less fear of exposing myself and start just revealing the truth. Yet when I say these things or when I make a statement – I seem to always make a hypocrite out of myself. To prove myself wrong, because within days, I will do exactly that which I say I wont. Or take an action I know does not support me.
Thus the Process of Self Change. Seeing where I can be more Self Directive - more Self Honesty - more Self Willing. More stable within myself to see these moments of resistances and push through.
So I start again with this blogging point. Until I realize I must be the directive principle.