661: Reasons for My Blog Silence
It has been a bit since my last blog post. I wanted to check in and give you an update on what I've been up to and also refresh myself within blogging.
I started slowing down the blog posts when I quit smoking on March 1 of this year. Initially I was writing through the beginning stages but I found every activity that was part of my "normal routine" was a trigger for smoking so I essentially had to stop my "normal routine" as a point of support - basically just stopping for a while and taking it VERY easy in my reality (meaning - just doing the absolute basics and letting myself watch a lot of Netflix).
It took almost two months to start feeling myself again where I could do my normal routine stuff without feeling like I wanted to smoke after every activity. I am the most comfortable I've been in my day to day living, without smoking, than I ever have been before.
No smoking has been going great. This is probably my 4th or 5th attempt to stop smoking. This time around there seems to be a much more rational talking myself out of the act of smoking. But to me, this is actually my awareness - my self-honest awareness of who I am and who I want to be gently reminding myself in moments of temptation why I decided to quit. And so far, that awareness has not swayed and I have not given myself any justification to go back to smoking, because this awareness is damn too practical and rational about it lol. I am eternally grateful for the change in me :) If you'd like further support on stopping smoking, or any addiction for that matter, - I am here! It literally is now clear within me if I can stop smoking, anyone can. I will be releasing some vlogs in time to come talking more about my relationship to smoking and how I finally got to a point where I was able to decide to stop. Seriously - if I can, you can.
Next point:
Last month I finally started releasing a project I've been working on with some other fellow destonians - Inner Views. I've released the full first discussion (can see it HERE) and 3 of 4 parts of the 2nd discussion (can see HERE). There are 2 more topics recorded and will be slowly but surely released over the next couple months - so please subscribe and share.
I came up with this idea last fall to get the destonian ladies back together and in front of the camera and start opening up some topics for discussion and to get our perspectives out into the world. They were eager and like mentioned, 4 topics were discussed in 4 months time - so from that perspective, the project flowed and moved quite nicely with participants and topics good to go.
The other side of it, however, took much longer. I had decided to edit the clips to make them more digestible for people before just releasing an hour and a half discussion. The editing proved to take the most time as I was a beginner editor - what did I know about editing videos? There was my day to day living (work, partnership, animal/house/self-maintenance responsibilities) reality that would come up as priority and slowed the project down. And also there was a massive wall of resistance that I hit within it.
I knew no matter what I wanted to get out what we had recorded, and I had to will myself to work on it here and there to get it finally moving. But even in my lack of movement, I knew I would move on it and I just had to be patient with myself and give myself the proper butt kicking needed because I knew the direction I wanted to go, and even though I wasn't going in that direction for some time, I knew I had to take the steps to get to where I wanted to go and to produce what I wanted to produce. It took a whole lot of baby steps.
It was a long process and many frustrations with myself for taking the time I did but I learned a lot about myself and was able to apply some of the things I've learned about this process of changing my nature in the last 10 months. Like trusting that the resistance I was facing was a self-limitation, a self-imposed fear that if I could move myself past I knew I would be growing and changing myself. I was creating something new, I was doing new activities, I was changing up my routine and learning new skills and me as "who I've always been" as what I've always thought I "could" or "should" do was challenged and that sometimes comes with resistance. But I was ready and willing to do what was necessary to walk through that resistance, no matter how long it took, to get to where I wanted to go.
And so I did. And so please watch, give your feedback, share your insights, subscribe, and join in the discussion! It's been a very fun project to coordinate and each conversation, each person that participated, supported and nurtured me, I'm sure the others discussing and watching, and themselves!
So that is a bit on what I've been busy with. Thanks for reading and walking along!
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