Kristina's Journey to Life

Free. What does it mean to be free? How do you define 'free'? What if you found out how you defined the word free actually enslaved you to an experience that is lesser than your full potential? In some previous writings, it was revealed that I equate being thin with being free and through this I realized free is a word that I can redefine and actually LIVE for myself through my actions and so no longer limit its definition to be only of a picture in my mind of what free is, which at the moment is a specific body type as being thin. If you are new to the idea of redefining and living words, there is a facebook page dedicated to sharing one's process with redefining words, as well as many videos on youtube explaining the process as well. You can check that out here and here . Essentially I came to know about redefining and living words many years ago and was walking a process with it for quite some time, taking on many words that I wanted to live and express mysel...

And so continuing with walking through this resistance to redefining words with the support of self-forgiveness which allows me to gift of self-empowerment, to change my perspective, and understanding of myself and who I am in relation to resistances, and redefining words. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist redefining words I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea that I just resist redefine words and make this a part of my story as a self-definition I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a resistance to redefining words for quite some time instead of moving through the resistance as I see I am able and ultimately what must be done I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up when facing a resistance to redefining words and not move that extra bit to walk through the resistance as I realize it's possible and can be done, I must only make the decision to ...

The last three days have been insightful. After the last blog I wrote about seeing a word necessary to redefine and live a certain, familiar wall came up. I have for quite some time faced a lot of resistance to the process of redefining words, and this time was no different. And while I'm aware it's something I must simply walk through, that awareness didn't make it any easier, and I basically stopped for a moment. Like gathering myself in preparation of what I must do, which is walk through this resistance. So while having this resistance and not moving through it directly, I also experienced a lot of 'fall backs' if you will in the past three days. The frustrations of not being a certain weight or having a certain look, and the judgments towards food and exercise, and the impatience to walk real change - basically everything I walked in my blogs last week - became a possession within me where most of my weekend my mind was consumed with losing weight, and ...

A couple of blogs ago I wrote an interesting statement - relating being thin/not fat to freedom. It was a subtle slip of words that I didn't necessarily know I even had as an association - but there it was, in my own words. So here is an example of how we define words and according to that definition, we live words. So one dimension of the word freedom in how I define it was to be thin, not fat or overweight, and this definition is justified through images in my mind of certain body types that I defined that if one had, one was free. But now what happens if we are not that - if we are not how we define the words, such as free? If I don't have or my body is not this certain body type in my mind that I define as 'free' then what would my experience be? I am not living the word free in its absolute, purest definition because I don't have this body type which I've equated to being free. And so explains the conflictual experience or part of it, I have to my b...

Yesterday I noticed some emotion come up in relation to the last few blogs - this relationship towards my body, and the points I've been sharing on it - feeling a bit like I've shared 'too much' and in a way blame towards myself for 'making it a big deal'. It's like when you put the focus on it the way I have in dedicating the past few blogs to it, you are shedding a lot of light on something you've for awhile kept in the dark and in doing so, one could sabotage oneself to keep it in the dark by thinking "you shouldn't share that" and "you're making it a bigger problem than it is." It's like the focus of my attention doesn't want to be the actual focus because in that focus, all is seen, or at least that's the process. To see it all because in that seeing, that awareness , one can understand it and ultimately change it. And so the reaction of "it's too much attention on this one, little point" is...