Kristina's Journey to Life

Looking back on the years of self-writing, and blogging, I see a particular pattern wherein I am reflecting a lot on resistances I experience within my day to day living. I am still working with, and walking through a pattern of laziness, or not wanting to do this or that, and wanting to instead just entertain myself, have fun, or relax. And I wondered if this is something others relate to, or if it's kind of ' out there ' in terms of it being unusual to hear about someone resisting simply LIVING and moving, and walking through their day, getting things done. Then I look at some people in my family , like my mother, and my aunt, or a long-time family friend who are very self-motivated to do what needs to be done in a day - like cleaning the house, or doing little projects here and there - always moving themselves physically. These were the examples I had growing up, yet for me - I felt very much the opposite in what I saw in them. I didn't want to do it - I didn...

**The most recent blogs, and ones to come are a few weeks old, as I have been writing, without publishing. I have just completed a 21 day challenge of no coffee. I did it for myself - seeing how I had created a bit of dependency and love affair with coffee, acting as if I couldn't do without it, and so I made myself live without it, for 21 days at least. The first few days were physically uncomfortable, though not unbearable. I did expect some discomfort, almost like letting go of a relationship you have depended on to always be there for you. That was the major point I saw in terms of who I was in relation to coffee, or rather how I defined coffee in relation to me... like a comfort, a friend, a companion I could always count on in the sense that it always tasted good, gave me a nice feeling, and so I trusted it. Though, there is a problem when we create such a relationship towards something like that externally from ourselves - it, as I mentioned, can create a dependen...

Recently I had a decision to make wherein the choice before me was pretty clear. I made the pros and cons list and could see one decision what practically, physically best for me, and the other was remaining the same. Despite seeing this there was a fear to make the 'better choice.' I was afraid of how my decision would impact others, assuming it would be for the worst. I was afraid of them getting upset with me because I was changing/moving on, and not staying in the same place. And if I were to allow this fear to grow and manifest as making that decision, I would have only compromised myself and others as well. How often do we make decisions based on emotions such as fear, then what is practically best for us I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by emotions when making decisions I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, despite seeing what could be practically best for me, lean towards another direction due to an e...

Not too long ago I challenged myself to 21 days of no coffee. It was a success in that I committed to the 21 days, and walked the 21 days without any coffee. And I say it was a success because it revealed deeper dimensions of the relationship I've created towards and with coffee, thus supporting me to see where I'm still existing in something separate from me - looking for something outside of me to fulfill me. The following is self-forgiveness for a particular dimension I saw within me in my need for coffee - and that was the word comfort. The problem with defining something outside of yourself as your source of something, in this case comfort, is you are then always a slave and dependent upon that external thing to give to you that point (comfort) you are looking for. The reason for self-forgiveness, is to GIVE to yourself what you look for outside of yourself. So here , realizing comfort can be who I am - not something I must find outside of myself. And in doing so - y...

Often times when I get a headaches I resist the experience . I want it to quickly be done with. I want to take something to get rid of the pain, I want to simply avoid the experience all together. It's like I want to hide from it, in fear of it, not willing to stand in the dis-ease of a headache. But what I've learned over the past few years is that headaches I generally create myself. When I am emotional, or reactive in some way, and my body fills with energy the after effect is like a clogging and fogginess build up, and will usually manifest in/as a headache. Or if I'm over-thinking about something - not telling myself stop and rest, but constantly consuming thoughts about something, constantly busy within my mind, I will also get a headache. Almost like the body forcing me with pain to see what I'm doing, and to get me to stop for a moment. But instead of looking at what the reactions were, or what I'm continually mulling over in my head, and so how I par...