520: Fed Up

Throughout the past six or so years, I have always been optimistic about humanity, and our relationship to ourselves, to this earth, and to the animal kingdom, to each other, to this existence as a whole... I saw there would be a change, eventually, perhaps slowly but surely. I never believed we would never not 'make it' or not change our ways... I saw potential. Recently I have seen less and less of this, and more of my own helplessness in relation to what this world and the mind of people has become. Though I realize I am not empowered in such a hopelessness and judgment and that I must focus on that which I do have the power within - which is me - to ensure I am doing/living/expressing everything I can in each possible moment to be the best version of me. I would only experience helplessness if I wasn't doing something to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless towards others and this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless for humanity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as there is no hope for humanity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like there is nothing more of me to support in others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fed up with this world and the people within it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as though this world is too fucked up to ever change and is doomed on the path it walks

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is no possible way I can transform myself in relation to others/this world as how i see it's fucked up-ness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe things are just the way they are and will never change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to write off certain people from my life as a point of blame - suggesting they are a problem, and removing them, I've removed the problem instead of realizing the problem is within me in terms of not yet effectively directing myself as my relationship with others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to bring through myself an understanding of why people are the way they are and why this world is the way it is as to support ME to continue walking and doing what I must do FOR ME to stand absolute responsible - equal to and one with this world as the very fucked up-ness I see

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace me as this fucked up world

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace me as the fucked up minds in this world

When and as I see myself reacting within/as hopeless, and helplessness towards people, and the world we've created, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this hopelessness/helplessness experience does nothing to empower me to stand within my own self-responsibility, and directive principle and so I commit myself to slow down in these moments, to allow myself to ground myself to/within/as my physical body, and to then see how I am able to direct myself in such moments of interaction with others that is a point that triggers within me a sense of hopelessness/helplessness

When and as I see myself defining this world as fucked up within an energy of anger and frustration, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that my frustration comes from me not yet fully transforming WHO I AM in relation to others, and the world as it currently exists and so I commit myself to focus on the ME as who I am in moments with others, and within this world, as where I can actually empower and change myself to become more directive - with myself, and so with others

When and as I see myself blaming others and this world for being fucked up and thsu think there is no way humanity will ever change, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that in such a point, I am resisting that which I see and experience with others, and so in this world and that in resisting it, I am allowing it to persist and so I commit myself to practice embracing the fucked up-ness of this world, as the minds of people, in realizing they are me - I am this world and the fucked up-ness 'without' is the fucked up-ness 'within' and so I commit myself to sort out my own inner fucked up-ness to ensure I never again accept and allow the atrocities I see existent within existence... and I commit myself to continue that process within/as myself.

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