Kristina's Journey to Life

Continuing on from the previous blog where I discussed various points in relation to change and creation - the process, and the manifestation. Here and blogs to follow will be on the points I see needing some re-alignments and self-honest perspective to get me back on track in terms of living change. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as wanting quick fixes I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as expecting quick fixes and instantaneous change I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, and realize the physical space and time in how it works, and what it takes to create changes , and fixes, and to rather instead want things to move fast I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace the pace of breath by breath living as an exquisite opportunity to slow time down, and to work moment by moment and realizing all that can be accomplished, changed , created, and manifeste...

Have you ever had that experience of being the outsider ? Feeling excluded from the group, you just don’t fit it, and cannot connect as seemingly easy as others seem to do? I have. Most of my life , as a child, a teenager, in my twenties, and even now and then I have this experience where I’m just on the outside of what others are ‘in on’. Like I somehow am the one looking in, standing outside of the group, or the conversation. The experience has varied throughout my life. In my twenties I suppressed the feeling by participating in social norms like going out drinking, and going to parties, putting on the facade of creating relationships with others, like I was a part of something, though of course, it wasn’t real and just pretend in a way to deny the actual experience which was when I was alone, or sober, I felt as if I wasn’t a part of anything really. In the last few years an interesting realization came up though. I was standing again in a group setting, where I was a part ...

Not long along I began writing about an experience I had in relation to quick fixes, and instant gratification – where frequently I could see my starting point for doing something, or changing something, or applying a new habit, or stopping an old one, was existing within the point of desire – wanting it to happen NOW. I realized, through writing about this, that change doesn’t happen like that. It’s a process. That’s why we call what we do within Desteni a process – because it takes time . It takes discipline, and commitment, and application daily to change yourself; a habit, an addiction, a pattern, a routine , an experience. We have space and time to work with – and while I could see this not long ago, it has come up again for me to re-visit. What does it mean to create? We often fixate ourselves on the end result – the desire to have or be someone different… and we focus on that as being the most important part, when in reality – it’s the process. It’s the physical actio...