Kristina's Journey to Life

In relation to yesterday’s writing , I can see reactions I have towards specifically people around me who speak so much about others, as a point of gossip or simply talking behind their backs. I’ve found that I get quite agitated in such a moment because I want them to understand what they are saying about others, why they are saying it, and how it has everything to do with them, and not the person they are speaking about. Also the reason of someone speaking about one person to other people, when that one person that is the subject of their discussion is not present. So it bothers me quite a bit when someone speaks about others when that person is not around, or cannot contribute to the discussion, cannot defend themselves, or share themselves in a way that can create understanding rather than when one is absent, the one discussing them can just create more and more ideas and perceptions about them that just simply may not be true. And so what I can see for myself, in terms of W

Majority of our conversations consists of what? Can you guess? I’ve observed recently just how much our interactions with each other is solely about OTHER people. Granted those people are around us, living among us, part of our family, or friends network, and people we work with but take a look and take notice, become aware of the fact that majority of what we talk about with one another is about other people. We have opinions, and ideas, and beliefs, mostly interpretations, about what other people say and do; how they behave and conduct themselves within their lives. Our focus is so much projected outward, it’s no wonder we have no clue who we are, or what's going on in this world as the outer reflection of each individual. We spend so much time judging, and analyzing why others do what they do, or say what they say, and often we cast our judgments in a way that makes us feel smarter, or better, or superior, or somehow more right based on how we see other’s living and makin

I notice that for most things I do, I have a judgment and/or fear towards it. It could be something I do in self-honesty, or in a point of self-sabotage – the experience remain the same, I am fear of being judged for it. I’ve noticed this has always been my experience, for as long as I can remember. If I wanted to play with a particular toy, or wanted some special kind of food, anytime I would ‘help myself’ to what I wanted – I was in a point of fear… fear I would be caught, or what I was doing was bad, and I would be punished. This is still existent within me when I notice certain things I do only when I’m home alone… if others are around, I avoid doing it. Now of course the judgment towards the behavior changes in degree. Some thing I do, like say I’m in a point of wanting to distract myself with TV series or movies rather than other more important things, I will go into judgment and assume another is judging me as well as doing something ‘bad’. And I realize this is a point

This morning I woke up with some resistance/depression. Last night I went to bed with reactions – I was emotional around the point of having ‘nothing to do’ with my life – so again, the point of purpose and direction. I can see I am stilling missing ME – ME being the point of purpose, and direction, and stability. So I woke up with depression, and was not feeling great at all… but I kept moving. I did my morning stuff, and even pushed through a resistance towards doing Pilates. It’s like that point I saw recently in a blog , in which I’ve seen for myself as well…. Asking yourself the question, will you regret not doing it when you said you would? That type of question supports in seeing what you are accepting and allowing… and so I pushed through the resistance, knowing I would regret it if I gave into the resistance, and indeed feel better at the moment. More stability. So I am busy walking the to do list for today, and I realize that it’s a point of purpose I can gift to