Kristina's Journey to Life

This is a continuation from the previous blog - here writing out and committing to how I can and will change in a moment in relation to reacting to another's reaction towards me, and the pattern of 'same old, same old.' When and as I see myself wanting to automatically react to another when they react to me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that my ‘wanting to react’ is just a reaction , and that it’s my responsibility to stop, as well as taking responsibility for reacting in the first place, as the trigger that caused another to react in the first place. I commit myself to take responsibility for myself when a reaction to another's reaction occurs by breathing and not participating/going into the reaction When and as I see myself projecting images of past moments of conflict with another within my mind as a point of ‘here we go again’, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that it doesn’t have to be a ‘here we go again’, a...

Today a moment came up that has come up many times. One reaction in one person leads to a reaction in another person, which triggers another reaction in the first person... and so on, and so forth until eventually, the two stubborn parties finally take responsibility for themselves and peace is once again restored. Here realizing I will have to be the one to stop first, and change first, as the principle of self-responsibility, change, and what is best for all. Forgiveness followed on the point: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to another's reaction towards me - seeing another become angry, upset, or frustrated by me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to automatically go into a reaction towards another just because they went into a reaction towards me I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet stop and consider the responsibility I had initially when I accepted and allowed myself to ex...

Today I realized, or more so finally admitted to myself, that my previous stability the last few years was completely dependent upon my environment and the routine I had set up for myself. Before I moved to Canada – I was pretty sure of myself in terms of my process – what I was doing , where I was going, and overall, the experience of myself. I was certain I could trust myself and that I would do whatever was necessary to be done to support myself within my process (that which I face within my life). Though since moving to a new country, a new environment, starting a new job and overall completely uprooting myself from ‘what I know’, I have felt a collapse within myself, like I have completely failed. This is due to the experience of myself being all over the place. I have faced so many new points, and faced myself essentially in new situations, and I was not prepared to the extent I thought I was. It’s been more than 6 months and I can finally say that the stability I had cre...