Kristina's Journey to Life

My experience with being a Bully. When I was quite young, my cousin and I, who were less than a year a part, spent a lot of time together. We basically grew up as sisters. I would spend a lot of time at her house, and with this was the experience that ‘she was the boss’. Now, while I was the older one, this experience of her being bigger, or stronger or the authority of me while at her house was ever present. I never liked the experience, though for whatever reason I felt as if I had to check with her before I did anything, like get a snack or play with a toy or go to different part of the house. So while she never, as far as I recall, outwardly express this ‘bully-ness’ towards me, I felt within myself that I was being bullied… that she was the authority and I had to do what she said, and it was an experience of fear, like she could harm me in some way if I did not follow her rules. Then there was this moment when we were out front playing in the yard. She had a bicycle,...

Yesterday I noticed a cool point come up within me. I had a lot of responsibilities staring at me during the day – a lot of things requiring my attention. Not because I had allowed them to pile up or because of some lack of responsibility created such a consequence – simply the timing of things and before me were many things needed to get done. Or at least that’s what I thought. I am currently in the process of getting my work permit for Canada – and am in the final stages of the approval process. I got a few documents that I required yesterday to continue on with it, and two weeks to get them completed and submitted. Within this – I felt this urgency come up like I wanted to ‘get it done NOW’. Though – I also had some others things I needed to do… I am hosting a hangout this week that needed some attention in terms of sorting out some technical issues, and going over the material/topic for the hangout, I had some e-mails to get to in order to organize some points, I also have m...

Talking more about the death penalty, I did a bit of research as I was intrigued by the topic and it’s history and origins within humanity. The death penalty, I’m sure like all punishments for breaking the law, stands as a deterrent – something put into place to be carried out as punishment if one were to do or participate in certain acts and behaviors. Though… throughout the history of mankind, crimes are still committed and these deterrents do not show any relief in the amount of crimes existing. So then one must consider… if the threat of death or being put in jail for the rest of one’s life does not stop one from acting out certain behavior, is it really doing it’s job effectively? Or is there something else we are missing ? I mean to have the death penalty or life in prison be the reason that keeps one from committing a crime yet people commit crimes still… there must be something else we are not considering in terms of WHY certain behaviors exist. Though, from my perspe...

The other day I was sitting around with a few people and one person was reading/mentioning an article about a state that was considering bringing back the firing squad for an option in acting out the death penalty. This spurred an interesting discussion. One person mentioned that in such a situation of a firing squad, one person was always handed a gun that was a blank, yet out of all the shooters, no one knew which was had the blank and which one had the loaded gun. In this, it was so that the shooters did not feel guilty or have to face that they may have been the one to in fact shot the bullet that killed another human being. I thought this was absolutely fascinating – that it’s the concern for the shooters and their potential guilt and regret for participating in a firing squad, that one of the guns would be shooting a blank. Does this not in fact reveal how the very act of the death penalty, and the firing squad specifically, is not an act that is in any way righteous or ju...

Cyber-Bulling. The internet is just another medium in which we used to inflict abuse and harm onto each other. The stakes have been raised though, as the lack of accountability runs rampant and the anonymous become bolder to say and do things they could never in the face of their victims. How can you support yourself when being bullied online? What is important for you to know about the nature of bullying to help understand why it exists and how you can help change it by changing yourself. How can bullying give you insight to yourself and how can the Desteni I Process support you to do just that? These are just some of the things we will be discussing in this Desteni I Process LIVE Google Hangout.  My experience with online bullying consisted of a few YouTube comments here and there, that fortunately I never had the extreme experience of allowing it to influence me. I was already prepared through walking the Desteni I Process – the tools of bre...

Self Commitment/Corrective Statements from the previous blog : When and as I see myself reacting negatively as judgment toward others in terms of their behavior or what they are doing, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this negative reaction as judgment indicate this point existent within me – where what I am judging/reacting negatively towards another about is the same point I've participated with throughout my life, or am currently participating within. And so I commit myself to not participate in judgment towards others, and instead in the moment, breathe and take back self-responsibility as identifying where in my life I've done exactly the same thing, and so within this – stopping blame/judgment and bringing all things back to myself as the cause, source, and origin. I commit myself to realizing a reaction towards another within me is never about anyone else, and always about me. When and as I see myself constantly checking myself out in the ref...

The following is self-forgiveness in relation to yesterday's blog : I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to another and her daughter when I saw the behavior of them checking themselves out in the reflection of the window… as judging them as shallow and limited to have such a concern about constantly seeing what they look like, without realizing this is the same behavior I participate within and act out I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly think and need I have to look at my own reflection in the mirror , as a constant point of validation and checking as to whether I look acceptable or not, based within the starting point of fear and desire where I fear what others will think of me and desire to be accepted by them through how I look I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a positive energy experience when I see my reflection in the mirror and I look as I would define accepta...

The other day while participating in a medical study – I noticed a reaction towards one of the staff. She was a young girl and you could see that she put a lot of effort in her physical presentation; what she wore, how her hair looked, and how her make-up was done. Soon enough we (me and the other study participants) found out she was the daughter of one of the nurses who had been also working with us. What I observed within myself while observing this girl is how much she placed emphasis on the way that she looked, and within this, judgment towards her for that. A particular behavior I could see clearly that indicated this was how she would constantly check her reflection in the mirror of the windows. It’s was quite obvious she was doing this, or at least from my perspective. The judgment was she is conceited and lost in her own image and reflection. Though – I get it. It’s the same behavior I've seen within myself. And that is what caused this reaction  of j...

Some self-forgiveness here for the instant judgments and assumptions I see myself think up in my mind when meeting new people, and how this actually reveals more of who I am as the relationship with myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a person the moment I meet them and to assume to know who they are, and to from that, decide whether it’s worth it or not for me to get to know them and if it’s not, make no attempt to get to know who they are as communicating with them – in this actually resisting them I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist others based on how I define them in the first moment of meeting them – to already decide I know who they are and how they live and what kind of life they've had and whether or not I want to get to know them, within this doing exactly to others what I fear others will do to me – assume to know me before making an attempt of getting to know me I forgive myself th...